Why Carrie Bradshaw Needs a Slap

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As a teenager I loved Sex and The City. Living in Bolton (near Manchester in the UK) at the time was the polar opposite of the amazing lives of these four women and I desperately wanted to live in New York, wear fabulous clothes, drink cocktails and have a group of wonderful friends to share it all with.

However, as an adult, my opinion of Carrie and her escapades have completely changed. Before I continue, I realise that I’m discussing a fictional character that hasn’t been on our screens now for years, which may seem silly, but I really think that Carrie Bradshaw needs a slap. Why? Two words: Mr. Big.

Let’s ignore her ridiculous dress sense and her obsession with over-priced shoes. Let’s ignore her needy, whiny mentality (oh no, I have a brilliant job, wonderful friends and I live in one of the world’s most amazing cities), her massive insecurities and her messed up friends. The main message that Carrie taught us was that if you hang around long enough, the man of your dreams will get bored of giving you crap and messing you around and will eventually give in. It will take ten years, he’ll marry someone else first, get jealous when you’re happy with a wonderful man and will leave you at the alter, but when he’s done everything that he wants to do first he’ll settle down with you and you’ll be blissfully happy for the rest of your life. She also taught us that if you meet an ‘Aidan’, the seemingly perfect man, it’s absolutely fine to cheat on him and treat him badly because he’s not edgy enough and doesn’t bring a ridiculous level of drama to life.

I think most people have had a relationship similar to Carrie and Big. I certainly have. A was an attractive older man that I met whilst working at a previous job. He was well established in his career, he was successful, intelligent and charming and I couldn’t believe my luck when he asked me out for drinks. My previous relationships had been with men of a similar age to mine and so this was new territory –  I was so excited about our first date that I bought a whole new outfit and spent three hours getting ready. Looking back, it is still one of the best nights out that I’ve ever had. We went to a swanky cocktail bar, talked, laughed hysterically and ate amazing food, and then we ended up sitting in his car and talked further until the early hours of the morning. It was a wonderful evening.

Over the next few months we saw each other a lot. I waited quite a while to stay over at his because I wanted to do things properly,  I got to know his friends and would go out with them, we would go on random day trips out to places I’d never been, we’d cuddle up and watch movies on his couch, and I was genuinely extremely happy.

About eight months into the relationship he had a barbecue at his house and invited his friends. Everything was going well and I was having a lovely time, until his best friend asked him “How’s R doing?”. All the men in the room exchanged panicked looks, and AY mumbled something that she was fine and was thinking of coming home soon. I waited until later to ask who she was, not because I was jealous, but the worried looks from his friends had set off alarm bells for me. He replied that she was his friend who used to live with him, but had gone to Australia for a year to explore the country. I didn’t believe him. After some prodding he informed me that R was actually his girlfriend of four years that lived with him, and the reason why she had gone to Australia was that she needed time away. A had told her that he’d wait for her. He wasn’t lying, he was waiting for her, it was just that he’d decided to wait for her with me next to him.

Devastated is not the word. I finished things immediately. He then convinced me that he was planning on breaking up the relationship when she returned from her trip, he wanted to be with me, blah blah blah. R returned, she moved back in, and I essentially became the other woman. After months of being messed about and waiting I finally came to my senses and told him that I didn’t want to see him anymore. It hurt like hell, but I eventually realised that I deserved better. I didn’t want to wait for my Mr Big to come to his senses. He shouldn’t have needed to.

Carrie-and-Aidan-carrie-bradshaw-12927135-550-400When I met The Bloke, I knew immediately what a great man he was, and I’ve no intention of messing around in the way that Carrie did. He’s attractive, fun, caring and considerate, and I know exactly where I stand. I don’t have to play second fiddle to anybody else – he does what he says what he is going to do, he goes where he says is going to go and he is upfront about what he wants. I love him and realise how lucky I am. Carrie should have done the same.

F**k Big. Give me my Aidan any day…

You can also find me on Twitter and Tumblr @suzie81blog

141 thoughts on “Why Carrie Bradshaw Needs a Slap”

  5. It’s so true!

    Good call – and good for you for standing up for yourself. Congratulations on finding The Bloke too 😉

  9. I have to agree. Years ago I loved war hing all the girls on SATC. Carrie’s neurosis made me nuts even back then. I loved Big for the whirlwind romantic in me, but I was always pissed how she treated Aiden. I always had a strong urge to shake some sense into her. And to not wear that horrid green shirt with her belt in the middle of her bare midriff. What was that about? (I’m referring to the one she wore when she and Miranda tried on the hideous wedding gowns.)

  13. YOU just wrote my STORY.
    I love the show and carrie and big but that is because I have had a BIG.
    Unluckily, I always find tiny version of BIG but no AIDAN yet. Trust me if he comes along I am so never letting him go 😀

  15. Your ‘like’ brought me here and I had to look at this post because I have long detested SATC and could never stomach more than about 15 seconds of Carrie and her amazing friends. I know it was meant to be a girl power thing but as you have pointed out, it was a very dubious sort of power fuelled by obsession and insecurity. Glad you managed to escape your Mr. Big’s deception.

    And of course I am a bloke so SATC was hardly meant for me in the first place – why am I even commenting! AGH!

    Good luck with your blog and your observing. And your teaching!

    D.

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  21. I couldn’t agree more! I loved Sex and the City but I outgrew it before it ended, which is ironic as these characters were at least 10 years older than me. I found Carrie to be so needy for attention, totaly self absorbed even when she was meant to be doing something for her friends and complettley emotional immature around men.

    You really did go through a Mr Big stage didn’t you! I’m so glad you have finnally found your Aiden hon :0)

  24. I have just discovered your blog through freshly pressed and love this Mr Big post, I wrote something similar on Facebook a few months ago after re-watching SATC.

    On first watch I wanted Big to be ‘the one’, second time round I was championing Aidens corner (ridiculous seeing as I know how things pan out).

    Not sure if my change of alliance comes from being older and wiser or from me too having my fingers burnt by my own Mr Big and finding happiness with an Aiden…

    In your words ‘Attractive, fun, caring and considerate’ guys get my vote everytime! 🙂

    • Thank you very much for such a lovely comment! This was one of my earliest posts and it’s also my most popular! I used to love Big, now I think he’s a douchebag!

      • Lol! Wonder if its popular because people love reading SATC related posts or there is an army of us converts that have seen the light 😀

        I’m looking forward to reading through some of your back posts (a page of links is a great idea…will pinch if I ever notch up a reasonable amount of posts) and seeing your future ones too.

    • Aboslutely! I’ve never thought about that, but I didn’t get a taxi at all in when I was in New York as it was quicker to walk. I had flat shoes though!

  26. Well said, I totally agree! I’ve recently started re-watching Sex and the City and I can’t tell you how infuriating it is to see her constantly go back to Big no matter how he treats her. It has definitely given me some food for thought in terms of my own personal relationships and not settling for a Big when there might well be an Aiden just around the corner!

  28. Actually I disagree.. We were all so caught up with satc because we all have our inner carrie or miranda or charlotte or samantha.. Carrie may be insecure or needy but nobody is perfect. She seems like a real person not like fiction in that way. We are all messed up. And she always gets back up after everything. I think the girl power thing steps in this way. She and her friends always found a way to get back up. We all hit the bottom, screw up, feel insecure sometimes. And just because things were going without any mistake doesn’t mean that it is the right way. Love is like that in real life too. You mess things up, get back together, fuck things up, fight, scream and get back together again.. Because if you love each other you find your way back. No ones life goes smooth, without any mistake. And our mistakes makes us the person we are now. Maybe mr big’s mistakes thought him a big lesson and he has changed. And maybe if you hadn’t met AY you may have not appreciated The Bloke…

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