Why Carrie Bradshaw Needs a Slap

As a teenager I loved Sex and The City. Living in Bolton (near Manchester in the UK) at the time was the polar opposite of the amazing lives of these four women and I desperately wanted to live in New York, wear fabulous clothes, drink cocktails and have a group of wonderful friends to share it all with.

However, as an adult, my opinion of Carrie and her escapades have completely changed. Before I continue, I realise that I’m discussing a fictional character that hasn’t been on our screens now for years, which may seem silly, but I really think that Carrie Bradshaw needs a slap. Why? Two words: Mr. Big.

Let’s ignore her ridiculous dress sense and her obsession with over-priced shoes. Let’s ignore her needy, whiny mentality (oh no, I have a brilliant job, wonderful friends and I live in one of the world’s most amazing cities), her massive insecurities and her messed up friends. The main message that Carrie taught us was that if you hang around long enough, the man of your dreams will get bored of giving you crap and messing you around and will eventually give in. It will take ten years, he’ll marry someone else first, get jealous when you’re happy with a wonderful man and will leave you at the alter, but when he’s done everything that he wants to do first he’ll settle down with you and you’ll be blissfully happy for the rest of your life. She also taught us that if you meet an ‘Aidan’, the seemingly perfect man, it’s absolutely fine to cheat on him and treat him badly because he’s not edgy enough and doesn’t bring a ridiculous level of drama to life.

I think most people have had a relationship similar to Carrie and Big. I certainly have. A was an attractive older man that I met whilst working at a previous job. He was well established in his career, he was successful, intelligent and charming and I couldn’t believe my luck when he asked me out for drinks. My previous relationships had been with men of a similar age to mine and so this was new territory –Β  I was so excited about our first date that I bought a whole new outfit and spent three hours getting ready. Looking back, it is still one of the best nights out that I’ve ever had. We went to a swanky cocktail bar, talked, laughed hysterically and ate amazing food, and then we ended up sitting in his car and talked further until the early hours of the morning. It was a wonderful evening.

Over the next few months we saw each other a lot. I waited quite a while to stay over at his because I wanted to do things properly,Β  I got to know his friends and would go out with them, we would go on random day trips out to places I’d never been, we’d cuddle up and watch movies on his couch, and I was genuinely extremely happy.

About eight months into the relationship he had a barbecue at his house and invited his friends. Everything was going well and I was having a lovely time, until his best friend asked him “How’s R doing?”. All the men in the room exchanged panicked looks, and AY mumbled something that she was fine and was thinking of coming home soon. I waited until later to ask who she was, not because I was jealous, but the worried looks from his friends had set off alarm bells for me. He replied that she was his friend who used to live with him, but had gone to Australia for a year to explore the country. I didn’t believe him. After some prodding he informed me that R was actually his girlfriend of four years that lived with him, and the reason why she had gone to Australia was that she needed time away. A had told her that he’d wait for her. He wasn’t lying, he was waiting for her, it was just that he’d decided to wait for her with me next to him.

Devastated is not the word. I finished things immediately. He then convinced me that he was planning on breaking up the relationship when she returned from her trip, he wanted to be with me, blah blah blah. R returned, she moved back in, and I essentially became the other woman. After months of being messed about and waiting I finally came to my senses and told him that I didn’t want to see him anymore. It hurt like hell, but I eventually realised that I deserved better. I didn’t want to wait for my Mr Big to come to his senses. He shouldn’t have needed to.

Carrie-and-Aidan-carrie-bradshaw-12927135-550-400When I met The Bloke, I knew immediately what a great man he was, and I’ve no intention of messing around in the way that Carrie did. He’s attractive, fun, caring and considerate, and I know exactly where I stand. I don’t have to play second fiddle to anybody else – he does what he says what he is going to do, he goes where he says is going to go and he is upfront about what he wants. I love him and realise how lucky I am. Carrie should have done the same.

F**k Big. Give me my Aidan any day…

You can also find me on Twitter and Tumblr @suzie81blog

141 thoughts on “Why Carrie Bradshaw Needs a Slap

  1. Don’t like the show but it’s still running here for about the fourth time, as is Friends, Hogan’s Heroes, Leave it to Beaver, Taggart, Morse and I believe I Love Lucy has only recently finished. Forty year old shows and reality TV pretty much sums up Australian Television.

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  3. I agree 1000%! I’m still ticked that she didn’t just see what she had in Aiden. Grrrr…. Fictional women can be so silly. And I definitely still watch Sex and The City marathon-style every few years… πŸ™‚

  4. My husband sat through the entire SATC box collection with me. He still can’t figure out why Carrie treated Aiden so terribly. But then, he’s an Aiden kind of a guy! How lucky I am.

  5. Have to agree, have nothing in common withSATC women, but found them very addictive you’ve made me want to pull out my box set for a rerun, love your blog.
    Karen.

  6. great post! Carrie Bradshaw needs to be slapped for many things πŸ™‚ but let’s be honest, if you read the original book, you’d know that she and her friends are nothing like their glamorous tv version. so we were kind of sold a lie there already. then the biggest achievement of SATC that it got women talking about subjects that previously were sort of taboo. it liberated some/ many of us. imho, Girls is much closer to reality than SATC. we need more stories like Girls to get it real

  7. I have similar feelings towards Disney – Cinderella and the rest of the princesses waiting around for Prince Charming to come and sweep them off their feet and take care of them happily ever after….F**CK that! Girls – make your OWN happily ever after – don’t wait on a man – if you aren’t happy with yourself first – you will never be truly happy with anyone else..

    • Hi there! Would you believe I’ve never even thought of that – I love Disney movies despite being in my 30’s. You’ve just given me an idea for a blog if you don’t mind – I’ll make sure I include a link to your site if that’s ok?

  8. I had a Mr.Big situation. I finally woke up mid – marathon and realized what a doormat Carrie was being, and I too was being. I refused to live my life as if I were a fictional character.
    It was at that moment, I deleted him- from everything. That was a year ago, and I feel better everyday. I choose myself over “us”.

  9. O.m.g. I had the same exact reaction. I watched Sex and the City religiously and remember feeling like it was the end of an era when the last episode aired. But recently, I caught a few syndicated episodes and had a w.t.f epiphany. These women were beyond ridiculous and Carrie was the ring leader in the whole band of fools. Mr. Big was a douche! From episode 1! And society revered this show! This show is just a tutorial of what NOT to do. When in doubt ask is this what Carrie would do? Then do the opposite. πŸ˜‰

  10. Love this post, so true! Big treated her so bad for so long, I’ve no idea why she stuck around for him. And don’t get me started on how badly she treated Aidan!! Great read though, thanks πŸ™‚

  11. Even though I agree with every word you said, and also agree that Big is a spoiled brat of a douche I couldn’t help myself, I named one of my cats Mr Big because he’s so pretty lol , but my Mr Big has the personality of Aiden so he’s the best of both worlds….except for the part where he’s a cat πŸ˜‰

  12. I hate Carrie so much. She just uses Aiden throughout the whole series as Big strings her along. It is a sick relationship and made me end up resenting the show in the end. Great post and glad you met the Bloke πŸ™‚

    • Me too! I am about ten years older than you and watched the show in my 20s/early 30s. I remember telling a friend that he had to pick up his daughter (who I often babysat for at the time) before the show started. He laughed and said “Yeah, wouldn’t want her to be exposed to all the sex.” I said, “it’s not even the sex.” (although heaven knows that would have been completely inappropriate for a five year old) “It’s the fact that I don’t want her to be influenced by women who make such deplorable financial choices, wait for others to rescue them, can’t enjoy anyone else’s success, and who are generally complete narcissists.”

      Then again, I did watch the show all seven seasons…

  13. Great post Suzie. We all need more Aidens and less Bigs in our lives. I think the issue here is that girls just don’t believe there are genuinely great guys out there for them, so they get hooked on charming and fun, but indecisive and confused “bad” boys. But once you realise you deserve more than that, the Big-appeal fades away quickly.

  14. I wish this post could be required reading for a few young women I know! But… sometimes we have to travel down the path of heartache to learn our lessons. Somethings have to be experienced before we can believe what others are telling us!

    • Thank you very much! I really appreciate it! My mother always said that we should be born with the knowledge we acquire as we get older…

  15. my feelings exactly! i used to watch sex and the city and Carrie was stupid to have lost Aiden and well..i know a few Carrie-s too around me who have done the same! but you can save only the one who wants to be saved! πŸ™‚

  16. I agree that the show gave us some dumb ideas, We as women need to be supportive of each other and help each other. The friends should have told Carrie that she was crazy going after her lust instead of a true loving man. Oh how we all wish for an Aiden. But sometimes, I have also made the mistake of thinking that the sexual relationship meant love and that is how I got myself into messes, too. I am thankful that my grown children realize how hard it is to make good and clear decisions. Sometimes a lot of LUCK comes into play. I enjoyed this so much! Thanks for this and love your commenters and your blog!

    • Thank you! I think you’re right about the confusion between sex and love, but that’s something that comes from bad experiences unfortunately!

  17. I LOVE this post!! I totally agree about Aiden, he was such a doll. (Note: I’m a new watcher of Sex in the City — I had no time for it when it originally appeared, so I can talk about the show like it’s just happening, so I have a lot to say on this!)

    But yeah, Aiden was everything a girl could want in a guy (just like the one I married!) I was sooooo happy when she cheated on Big in the second movie and kissed Aiden. It was like, “YES!” But then that’s the only time I ever liked Big because he handled it so well without being jealous. πŸ™‚

    Also, in regard to the lady who said a lot of it has to do with “luck” — not true. Anyone can have an amazing man. The trick is don’t spend time on the jerks and only date those who deserve you! And then everyone can live happily ever after. I’ve been with my husband seven years and we still treat each other like royalty and my heart still pounds when he comes home from work πŸ˜‰

  18. I love Sex and the City too. I’ve watched each episode many times and every time I re-watched them the more annoying and ludicrous I realized she is. She’s incredibly selfish, which is understandable as the show is about her but she comes off as a terrible friend. Ironic in a show about friendship. You personal Mr. Big story is epic! Oh my goodness, I’m so glad you found a good one in the end!

    • I know I’ve been really lucky! As I’ve grown older I’ve started to really despise the programme….

      Thanks for commenting!

  19. Great post! I really loved Sex and the City (watched in college on DVD as the sets came out), and I remember sort of liking the first movie… but then the second felt way too over-the-top. Carrie was never my favorite of the foursomeβ€”I liked Miranda best. She just seemed the most actually relatable to me.

    I had completely forgotten that Carrie ran into Aidan in the second movie and they kissed until I saw another commenter here mention it! Now I remember being really pissed at AIDAN for kissing her, like, aren’t you married to a great lady now?? LOL! (honestly I only saw the film once, maybe he wasn’t so happily married by the time that was taking place)

      • Totally! And then to top it off, the timing was really unfortunateβ€”it came out not long after the bad oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico, and in the movie they go on this lavish vacation in the Middle East… just kinda not so great.

  20. Thanks for liking my post, which got me here in the first place… but I totally agree with this, somehow we are always told men act like jerks and so its who they are and we need to be ok with that :/

  21. I did not read all the comments…I know you got hurt and it wasn’t right…but did you have a few really good moments with AY ? These become your stories, your building blocks to your relationships. Nothing is forever, nothing. You are a strong woman, thank you for sharing these thoughts.

    Rtk

    • Thanks for your reply! Funnily enough, me and AY are actually pretty good friends. He eventually dumped R and married someone else, and she’s lovely…

  22. I couldn’t have said it better! But you miss the part in which, even after getting her “happily ever after” with Big, she got bitchy on the movie and almost cheated on him just because they had gotten in a “rut.”

    Love your writing. Thanks for visiting mine πŸ˜‰

  23. Pingback: Why I Sometimes Yell at the Television… | Jeans and Juice

  24. Timing is everything. I’ve been watching reruns of the show the past few months and thinking I should do a blog post on this very topic. Dang! Well you did a great job – couldn’t have posted better. Maybe I should write about how Samantha is a complete idiot for giving up Smith and going back to being a man-eating ho. Literally.

    I’m sure somebody probably already told you this, but in the “silver lining” department, it’s a good thing you went through that order with Mr. AY, so that you could pick yourself up a RECOGNIZE your Aiden when he came along. It is unfortunately the bad experiences that strengthen us and prepare us, so that we appreciate the good and the joy that comes our way. Namaste.

    • I have thought about sequels to this post. Thanks so much for commenting on it – I’m really glad you enjoyed it. If you do a sequel let me know… I’d love to read it!

  25. A man who makes furniture?! Aiden had me – and has ever-more ranked in my top dream guys. For anyone feeling small with a Big, I say let him go. After plenty of heartache behind me, I’ve married my own Aiden Plus version – my husband was so worth the wait (including all the lessons learned with those less-than-stellar romances).

  26. I loved Aiden when he was still Chris on Northern Exposure! Ugh, you’ve just reminded me of all the creepy guys in my past…that made Big look good.

  27. I had my own Big in the form of a completely screwed-up Scandinavian who freaked the morning after we hit the sack together – every damn time! I already knew by then, thanks to two failed marriages and some guys over the years who “didn’t do one-nighters” but actually did, when I’m being taken for a ride and it didn’t take me long to wake up and tell him where to shove it (and not in me thank you ever so much)! When he got engaged to someone else she had a proper go at him for using me (I like her)!

    I only liked Miranda. Carrie was – as you said – unrealistic and shallow, Samantha was a whore and Charlotte was completely pathetic. Trey, of course, was quite literally a sad little wanker lol! I always wondered why on earth Charlotte would put up with that when he couldn’t even consummate their marriage. Just… ugh.

    I spent some years single and loving it after I ended my second marriage, but six years ago I found *my* version of Aiden (in my case, a fellow geek!) and we’ve been stupidly happy ever since.

    Thanks for stopping by and liking my general burblings! πŸ˜€

  28. Great post!

    There are two things at play here that are linked:
    1. I think Carrie’s relationship with her father from childhood is having a huge effect on her dating choices in adulthood.
    There is no doubt Carrie has problems with men. But if you look at her past on the show (her father abandoned her and her mother when she was 11…), you can’t be too shocked that she is confused by how she should treat men, and how she should be treated by men.
    Carrie had a succession of non-committal boyfriends on the show – the F buddy, Ray King the “Jazzman,” the Comic book store guy, Jeremy the mental patient, Aleksandr Petrovski…BERGER…Aidan was the first guy who paid any real attention to her, wanted to be with her forever and treated her lovingly; and frankly, she blew it. She really couldn’t handle the attention. This was even talked about in the “Drama Queens” episode where her relationship with Aidan was almost too perfect. One or two episodes later, she starts back up with Big, effectively ruining her perfect relationship.

    2. Carrie and Big are one and the same.
    Big and Carrie were made for each other and deserve each other. Big was very much like Carrie in a lot of ways. He strung Carrie along, and she broke up with him. After she cheated on Aidan with Big, Aidan gave her a second chance, and she ended up stringing him along up until the end when he wanted to elope, but she just couldn’t go through with it. Aidan was way too good for her. Big, as aloof as he was, just wanted Carrie when he wanted her (spoiled brat), but Carrie was the same.

    What I got from both Carrie’s and Big’s character is that they are both essentially is fiercely independent but want love and companionship when they want it (spoiled brats). You even see this in the SITC movies where she and Big are talking about using her old apartment as a place to escape to. Big and Carrie have no doubt hurt people by their behaviour, but for all the deplorable crap they have done to others, I am still intrigued by that relationship and prefer them together.

  29. I heart Carrie and I totally agree with your post. I was watching SATC the movie with a dear chum the other day and even said as much. I am so sorry that you had to deal with that AY situation, but it sounds like you learned from it, and have faith. Your Aiden is out there.. and he is even better because he is real. I wish I could have told myself 10 years ago to wait for my husband but then again no, because everything I went through brought me to him. He is amazing and totally worth the slugs I dated in the interim. Keep being awesome and don’t hide it and he will find you! I can’t wait to read about it when it happens πŸ™‚

  30. Pingback: How I Met My Aidan | suzie81's Blog

  31. TOTALLY agree!! Aiden was the guy she SHOULD have went with. Mr. Big was the “unknown” and she liked the mystery of it all….

  32. Ha, hear hear! Thanks for stopping by my blog by the way πŸ™‚ And feel terrible for this AY’s girlfriend, with her boyfriend cheating on her while she was away dealing with the death of a brother. What a scum.

  33. I believe I may be one of the few people in the Western world who hasn’t seen Sex in the City.

    Your story about being the other woman rarely ends well. You were smart, you learned from the experience and moved on. If a woman manages to push out his present live-in/wife, the sad truth is that past behavior is a good indicator of future behavior. How many times have you heard a woman crying over the fact that the guy she took from his wife now has a mistress?

  34. Such a fun reading! I really enjoyed it though the topic is quite serious. I also learnt by experience what it is to be the other woman 😦 I decided then, I don’t want to be the first, I want to be the ONLY ONE!

  35. That’s the female mentality for you!! Go after the dangerous ones. And then whine about havin their hearts broken. Been there done that. But that’s a thing you learn over the years. Older and wiser. And now at my old age ( lol ) I’ve met my Aiden. And I holding in tight.

  36. I never forgave her for carrying on an affair with Big after he returned to NY with a wife. I despise any woman who would do that to another woman. Men with rings are OFF LIMITS.

    Also, I married an Aiden. Life is so much better.

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