I Said… Put The Bunny… Back In The Box

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I’d forgotten just how great Con Air is, until I watched it again last night for the first time in years.

For those of you that haven’t seen it, the plot is fairly simple – Cameron Poe (Nicholas Cage), a highly decorated US ranger, is convicted of manslaughter after protecting his wife in a drunken brawl. Finally, after eight years, he’s being paroled and going home to his wife and daughter. His ride home is the Jailbird, which also happens to be transporting some of society’s most vicious criminals to  Feltham Penitentiary, Lousiana’s toughest maximum security prison. An escape is made on board by Cyrus ‘The Virus’ Grissom and the cons seize control of the plane with the intention to fly to Mexico. The officials on the ground want to blow it up, but US Marshal Vince Larkin (John Cusak) and Poe have other ideas…

What I love about the film is the fact that it is one enormous cliche. It’s a fabulous cast and superbly acted, with big budget explosions, quick set-ups and on-going end sequences (Poe saves the day and could quite easily go home with his wife and child but then insists on hunting the bad guys down until he’s killed them in gruesome ways, only to end the film with a very ‘corn-ball’ reunion with his family). The dialogue is witty to the very end.

Cameron Poe: [to Larkin] Sorry boss, but there’s only two men I trust. One of them’s me. The other’s not you.

Duncan Malloy: This is a situation that needs to get unfucked, right now!

Cameron Poe: [smashing Johnny 23’s head into the cage wall on each word] Don’t… *treat*… *women*… *like*… *that*!

 

[referring to Malloy’s Corvette falling from the plane]

Vince Larkin: I know a good body shop in Fresno if it’s insured.

Duncan Malloy: I was bored with that car anyway.

Vince Larkin: It worked out nicely, then.

 

Cyrus Grissom: Considering my audience, I’m going to make this very quick and very simple. [points to objects in the sand]

Cyrus Grissom: This is the boneyard, this is the hanger, this is our plane.

Viking: [points] What’s that?

Cyrus Grissom: That’s a rock.

[knocks it out of the way]

Viking: Okay.

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Some of the one-liners made me laugh out loud at the sheer cheesiness of the delivery. Consequently, this made me think about other films I’ve watched recently. I often find that the worst lines in a film are what makes them so good:

“Kenner, just incase we get killed, I wanted to tell you, you have the biggest dick I’ve ever seen on a man…” Brandon Lee – Showdown In Little Tokyo.

“You’re a virus, and I’m the cure.” Stallone – Cobra.

“Death. Courts adjourned.” Stallone – Judge Dredd

“I don’t know who you are. I don’t know what you want. If you are looking for ransom, I can tell you I don’t have money. But what I do have are a very particular set of skills; skills I have acquired over a very long career. Skills that make me a nightmare for people like you. If you let my daughter go now, that’ll be the end of it. I will not look for you, I will not pursue you. But if you don’t, I will look for you, I will find you, and I will kill you.” Liam Neeson – Taken

“I don’t like sand. It’s coarse and rough and irritating and it gets everywhere. Not like here. Here everything is soft and smooth.” Hayden Christiansen – Star Wars Episode II: Attack of the Clones

“Is it still raining? I hadn’t noticed.” Andi McDowell – Four Weddings and  A Funeral

 

Maverick: I feel the need…

Maverick/Goose: …the need for speed! Tom Cruise – Top Gun

 

“It’s turkey time. Gobble gobble.” Jennifer Lopez – Gigli

 

[the T-1000 has fallen into a vat of molten steel]

John Connor: Is it dead?

The Terminator: Terminated. Arnold Schwarzenegger – Terminator

 

Vilain: You must want to hurt me bad.

Barney Ross: I’m not gonna hurt you. I’m gonna take your life. The Expendables 2

 

“I know he loves you. He’d kill tigers for you.” Marissa Tomei – Only You

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I wonder what the reaction of the real – world population would be if we actually used these lines in our daily conversation… I can imagine a few slaps across the face or large amounts of eye-rolling would occur. I love them – bring on the Brie!

What about you? What are your favourite cheesy lines from your favourite films?

You can also find me on Twitter and Tumblr @suzie81blog

Picture credits: stills from Con Air

29 thoughts on “I Said… Put The Bunny… Back In The Box

  1. This was a great movie. I can watch Nicholas Cage watching grass grow. Do you remember him in Moonlighting with Cher?That was the first time I saw him and I was hooked. That was the funniest movie I’ve ever seen.

  2. One of my top three favorite movies of all time!!! I think I can quote the entire movie now. I even bought the book, yes there is a book for this movie though very hard to find since it is out of print now. But very good, the story, characters…just everything. Really great post 🙂

  3. When I ran across the picture of the bunny with a gun to it’s head, it made me laugh, like really laugh. And I needed one today… thank you for sharing! I liked Cage from Raising Arizona, here’s a quote from his character H.I. – ” Biology and the prejudices of others conspired to keep us childless.” Another cornball and hilarious movie.

  4. As you know Nic Cage’s performance in Con Air made my top 10 Nic Cage performances, and for good reason. I love how straight he plays what is quite possibly the most pantomime hero in the most pantomime of action movies. It is unashamedly campy and we all reap the benefits of the fact it never takes itself seriously. Also, has the worst hero hair this side of 1987. Great review of a great movie.

    I would also add Mr Freeze’s “Ice to meet you” line from Batman & Robin. What a terrible terrible wart of a movie that was.

  5. omg hilarious! I love that movie and you have hit the nail on the head with those funny one liners, I think the only one I really ever hear is “ill be back” in a cheesy Arnold Schwarzenegger accent,. Thanks for making me laugh first thing in the morning!

  6. Loved this movie! As far as cheesy lines go I was always a fan of Patrick Swayze in Roadhouse: It’s my way or the highway. And: It’ll get worse before it gets better. But of course Swayze also gets props for the cheesiest line of all time: ie – Nobody puts Baby in the corner!

    Fun post – thanks!

  7. I’ve seen Con Air a few times but, after reading this, I think I’ll appreciate it all over again! Some great quotes there. Crackers with the Brie then and a small red to go? :)x

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