My Tree Looks Drunk

ImageToday I have worked really hard. Mondays are usually spent catching up with the blog and reading posts that I may have missed (I don’t work on a Monday and affectionately refer to this day as my ‘day of bliss’), but today I decided to take the opportunity to organise the house now the kitchen has been finished. After seven hours of moving and unpacking boxes I’ve found that I can actually move around the living room without having to resort to movements that would make a professional contortionist proud. I was in ‘the zone’ – the shelves were filled, the empty boxes were thrown away at breakneck speed and in my infinitely ridiculous wisdom I also decided that it would also be a good idea to put the Christmas tree up.

I have an artificial tree that The Bloke and I bought several years ago. I’d love a real one, but with three house cats it’s a pointless concept – they attack any plants in the house and I don’t want to spend any more money on vets bills. I usually adore the process of setting out the decorations and I have been known to spend several hours making it look as beautiful as possible while singing along to cheesy Christmas songs.

While I normally hate maths in any form, I have the perfect equation that may be useful for anyone in a similar situation.

Christmas Tree + Three Cats + Lights + Baubles = STUPID IDEA.

I am an idiot.

After standing on each cat several times, shutting them out and watching them open the door by themselves, blocking the door and listening to them cry loudly, wrestling the lights out of the jaws of one cat and yelling at another to stop knocking the baubles off I managed to throw the tree together in a record time – I was so stressed out that I wanted to finish it as soon as possible. There were no Christmas songs and no Christmas spirit, just an overwhelming urge to give up and go for lunch at the pub.

It reminded me of the ever fabulous ‘Simon’s Cat’ and the wonderful Christmas episode ‘Santa Claws.’

ImageUnfortunately, the tree now looks like it has been drinking heavily for the last eleven months. In fact, it looks positively sozzled. I’m sure that somewhere in the loft of the old house there are several empty bottles of gin that the tree and decorations have been indulging in since we put them away last year. I’m too embarrassed to put up a full picture, so instead I’ve just included a bauble.

Incidentally, now I’ve finished, the cats are now sound asleep – after a day of excitement, they’ve managed to tire themselves out. Unfortunately, they’ve tired me out too. It’s a good job they’re cute.

Hope your Monday has been less stressful! You can also find me on Twitter @Suzie81blog

In response to the Weekly Writing Challenge.

Image credit:
Simons Cat courtesy of Simon Tofield

43 thoughts on “My Tree Looks Drunk

  1. I was at the local garden centre yesterday and we saw an upside down Christmas tree for sale. What made me laugh was that it was a £30 artificial tree with the top cut off turned upside down, put in a clamp and a £75 price tag stuck on it……………….and the fecking general public idiots were buying it !!!!!!

  2. Your bauble looks lovely, and I am sure your tree does too. Sounds like my cats and tree the first time I put up the tree when the cats were new here. I have been too lazy to put up my tree yet.

    • I’ve only got the motivation today to do anything about it – work has been quite stressful and I was away at the weekend. Wish I’d left it alone now!! Thanks for your comment!

  3. From the picture it looks beautiful! Job well done… our tree is leaning a bit, but it’s going to stay that way. My oldest and I kept trying to get it to stand up straight, with the armchair coaching from hubby who is not able to help with these things until his shoulder repairs from surgery. If you look hard at it, you can see it leaning to the right…. oh well… it’s up and decorated and that’s all I need. you too, right? Go to the pub and have one for me…

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  5. I’ve heard of people putting the tree in a playpen to keep it away from intruders but this is a new idea. Merry Merry!

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  10. Sounds like fun. The pub part….not the tree part. 🙂
    We’ve not yet put up the ‘happy tree’ as my second youngest christened it several years ago. I’m usually quite precious about it too – songs and a festive drink! Last year though I let the kids do it and they did a marvellous job. Must have been years of watching me at it! So they’re getting to do it again this weekend. I’ll watch them with a glass in hand and encourage their efforts. 🙂
    Enjoy the rest of your ‘day of bliss’…..I’m so jealous. Part-time would go down a treat. Maybe eventually. 🙂 x

    • Aww that’s lovely! Unfortunately (or maybe fortunately) I don’t have kids to put the decorations on yet… I could ask the cats but I don’t think it would happen!!

  11. Hahaha! This made me laugh. But, seriously, your tree has a problem. I think for Christmas it should get a visit to AA. And no more eggnog… for the tree. You’re fine. Eggnog for you. You may need it to put up with those cats and that drunkard of a tree.

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