A Revelation


I went back to work yesterday.

After feeling so ill for the last few weeks I was surprised at how nervous I felt about it, but I was lucky in that it was a light teaching day and I received lots of support from my colleagues and the students, who surprised me by welcoming me back.

However, being ill doesn’t remove the pressures surrounding the submission of coursework and after only two days I feel absolutely shattered and quite anxious about the looming deadlines. I’m in the middle of packing for the house move in the next few weeks too, which doesn’t help, and this means that I won’t get much of a weekend to myself.

The last few weeks have been quite a revelation as to my goals, ambitions and expectations of what my life should be like, and at 32 years old I have the opportunity to do something about it. I don’t have children and I don’t have a mortgage and aside from student loan repayments I am not in debt, and so the options that are available to me are wider than I initially thought.

I know what it is I want to do, and for the first time in years I feel like I have a direction and something to work towards. While I’m not giving too many details as yet, I’m looking forward to the possibility of making this become a reality. 

What about you guys? Are you happy with the life that you’re living? 

You can also find me on Twitter and Tumblr @suzie81blog

39 thoughts on “A Revelation

  1. Glad you had supportive people around you after being ill so long! Good luck with your new direction…well, I must say at 62, for the most part I am pretty contented with my life, thanks for asking 😀

  2. Yikes, Suzie. I was pushed into reevaluation through a layoff, and have continued to write for pay, which I decided I still love best. But it’s for drastically reduced pay. I’m happy but hoping one more big piece comes in that will ease the financial worries. And I am 25 years older than you, so my work horizons seem a bit more limited. Good luck on your continued good health, the house move and your quest for satisfaction and happiness.

      • I went to college for journalism and worked on campus newspapers. Upon graduation, I got a job at a small daily, then left of the daily in Syracuse, for which I worked for 29 years before last year’s layoff. It is a tough endeavor, getting paid for writing. I hope you can make it work for you, Suzie!

  3. I am planning to make major changes when my son graduates from high school this year. Not sure what those will be, but I really need to start over. Will I be broke for a while? Probably but peace of mind and reduced anxiety are worth the trade-off.

    Go for it, you’ve got this!

  4. Wow! It sounds like a stressful time, but I am glad as well that you have support from those around you! As for myself, I feel similarly as you do in knowing what I could do to make me happier, it’s just a matter of getting there. 🙂

    • Thanks! I think that was my problem – I didn’t know exactly what direction I should take, but now I think I’ve got it figured out!

  5. How wonderful to go back to such support. I’m sure that you’ll get back into the swing of things soon. Clouds very often have a silver lining, and yours appears to be having had the time to have a serious think about the direction you want your life to take – grab that dream in both hands, and gun for it. “It’s only impossible if you believe it is” – Lewis Carroll.

  6. Glad you’re feeling better, and congrats on your realizations.

    Overall, I’m happy with my life, though I’m happier with who I’m living it with more.

  7. I heard a lot of people say “you still have time” about 10 years ago when I was anxious about not knowing where I wanted to head in life. I was about 18 then. On Saturday I turn 28 and I have to say that I have starting living in a constant state of anxiety. I’m not sure how to stop it really because I still don’t know what I want my life to look like. I feel like I’m not really ‘living’ a life either, even though I am told every day what a great person I am and that I still have time to figure things out. I don’t know. I haven’t moved forward a lot these past 10 years and I guess I fear I never will.

    • Thanks for your comment! I can absolutely relate. It’s strange how things work out though – something may just fall into place that you didn’t expect!

  8. I think you have a good attitude. At 63 I can tell you much of what we do is what we are required to do in response to what life lays at our feet. After I got out of the service in 1970 I made my mind up I was going to college. I was self-supporting so sacrifices were required. I did not get as much college as I wanted but for the time it was enough to change how my life would proceed. Of course I changed my major several times. I never said I was smart, just determined. Keep the wind at your back and set your course. Good Luck.

  9. I’m getting happier every day. Good to hear you’re doing better. Keep everything “close to the vest” for now till you are more sure of the changes you want to make, or the future you want to seek. there are too many naysayers around!

  10. I live day to day, I have stopped planning in case I am disappointed, I am lucky in a way as I work for myself, I no longer have deadlines, if I do a photoshoot, then I don’t rush to get the photos ready, its my time table or no table. I know if I push it I become ill, the pain in my body increases and I get into the vicious circle. I wish I had more money, I wish I didn’t have to got to the council and tell cannot afford the £1500 for Council Tax again, but because my wife works and earn just £’s over the thresh hold I don’t get any rebates on nothing, £1500 for being £15 over, wish I could see my granddaughters every day and wish they were not 500+ miles away, But we are happy with our lot and really have to be as its not going to change, unless I win the lottery or a rich aunt comes out of the wood work but the chances of that happening is 14 million to one on both counts.
    So yes I am happyish with my lot 🙂

      • Thank you, in the world of today, you have to think positive of the world will take over you and you will end up ill of dead. We live in a world of uncertainty, violence, hunger, poverty and I switch on the news every day and its doom and gloom, that is why you have to look positively at the world as there is more good going on then bad but we never hear about it and we have to seek it out and when you do it changes your whole being 🙂
        You take care and smile every day 🙂
        btw Have a lookie at one of my photos 🙂

  11. I am lucky enough to be exactly where I want to for now. However, at only 25 I still have a lot of big decisions to make in my life. So far the biggest is, do we want another child? But other than that, everything I want from life is falling into place for now. I hope you can make your dreams a reality!

  12. It is never too late to be happy. Eight and 1/2 years ago, I was in an abusive marriage (25 years – took me a long time to wake up.)

    I now live my life the way I want to. Even with ME, and never knowing how I will feel day to day, I have never been more at peace with myself. I know who I am, have discovered new interests and can make my own decisions. Am I happy? You bet I am! And I wish you all the happiness in the world!

    • You sound like an incredibly strong person, and congrats for getting away! My parents had an unhappy marriage and it took 23 years for my mum to leave my dad, which she should have done years before… She’s never been happier! Thanks for the lovely comment!

  13. Go for it Suzie! It can be done. When I was older than you I made a complete change of careers and shortly thereafter also started writing books. I couldn’t be happier and I’m disappointed at all the time that passed while I got up the courage to make those changes. Go for it and enjoy. We’ll be here to read your stories of triumph.

  14. Good for you for following the dreams!
    I highly recommend being married with kids + house but if you’ve got things on the ‘to-do’ list before that stage, as you acknowledged, it sounds like now’s the time to pursue those plans.

  15. First of all… good for you! I hope all your deepest desires and hopes come to pass. Hubby and I are realizing this year is going to be a year of change, hopefully for the good. We feel like we are starting fresh in many areas and after 39 years of marriage and being almost 60 years old we are excited to see what this next adventure is. We have travelled the world, raised daughters and now we are embarking on a year of ‘what ifs, maybes and how abouts.” best of luck to you.

  16. It’s awesome that you’re evaluating and going after what you want in life. I feel that in day-to-day life, sometimes people forget to do that. They just live without thinking about their dreams. Also, it’s important to make ourselves happy first, and not just live the way others want us to.

    I feel happy with my life currently, but I want to see the world and become a better writer. There’s always something more that I want to do, so that’s what I’m working towards.

  17. Sounds intriguing! Do you mean that you actually have to pay student loans back? Oh dear….

    Looks like both of us are about to make changes and new starts…

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