Yes, a slap is needed…
As a teenager I loved Sex and The City. Living in Bolton (near Manchester in the UK) at the time was the polar opposite of the amazing lives of these four women and I desperately wanted to live in New York, wear fabulous clothes, drink cocktails and have a group of wonderful friends to share it all with.
However, as an adult, my opinion of Carrie and her escapades have completely changed. Before I continue, I realise that I’m discussing a fictional character that hasn’t been on our screens now for years, which may seem silly, but I really think that Carrie Bradshaw needs a slap. Why? Two words: Mr. Big.
Let’s ignore her ridiculous dress sense and her obsession with over-priced shoes. Let’s ignore her needy, ungrateful mentality (oh no, I have a brilliant job, a wonderful social life and I live in one of the world’s most amazing cities), her massive insecurities and her equally messed up friends. The main message that Carrie taught us was that if you hang around long enough, the man of your dreams will get bored of giving you crap, leading you on and will eventually give in. It will take ten years, he’ll marry someone else, get jealous when you’re happy with a wonderful man and will leave you at the alter, but when he’s done everything that he wants to do first he’ll settle down with you and you’ll be blissfully happy for the rest of your life. She also taught us that if you meet an ‘Aidan’, the seemingly perfect man, it’s absolutely fine to cheat on him and treat him badly because he’s not edgy enough and doesn’t bring a ridiculous level of drama to life.
Run away!!
I think most people have had a relationship similar to Carrie and Big. I certainly have. My Mr Big was an attractive older man that I met whilst working at a previous job. He was well established in his career, he was successful, intelligent and charming and I couldn’t believe my luck when he asked me out for drinks. My previous relationships had been with men of a similar age to mine and so this was new territory –Â I was so excited about our first date that I bought a whole new outfit and spent three hours getting ready. Looking back, it is still one of the best nights out that I’ve ever had. We went to a sophisticated cocktail bar, talked, laughed hysterically and ate amazing food, and then we ended up sitting in his car and talked further until the early hours of the morning. It was a wonderful evening.
Over the next few months we saw each other a lot. I waited quite a while to stay over at his because I wanted to do things properly, I got to know his friends and would go out with them, we would go on random day trips out to places I’d never been, we’d cuddle up and watch movies on his couch, and I was genuinely extremely happy.
About eight months into the relationship he had a barbecue at his house and invited his friends. Everything was going well and I was having a lovely time, until his best friend asked him “How’s R doing?”. All the men in the room exchanged panicked looks, and Big mumbled something that she was fine and was thinking of coming home soon. I waited until later to ask who she was, not because I was jealous, but the worried looks from his friends had set off alarm bells for me. He replied that she was his friend who used to live with him, but had gone to Australia for a year to explore the country. I didn’t believe him. After some prodding he informed me that R was actually his girlfriend of four years that lived with him, and the reason why she had gone to Australia was that she had suffered a loss in her family and she needed time away. Big had told her that he’d wait for her. He wasn’t lying, he was waiting for her, it was just that he’d decided to wait for her with me in his bed next to him.
Devastated is not the word. I finished things immediately. He then convinced me that he was planning on breaking up the relationship when she returned from her trip, he wanted to be with me, blah blah blah and I was stupid enough to believe him. Unfortunately, R returned, she moved back in, and I essentially became the other woman. After months of being messed about and waiting I finally came to my senses and told him that I didn’t want to see him anymore. It hurt like hell, but I eventually realised that I deserved better. I didn’t want to wait for my Mr Big to come to his senses. He shouldn’t have needed to.
THIS is where she should have stayed…
When I met The Bloke, I knew immediately what a great man he was, and I’ve no intention of messing around in the way that Carrie did. He’s attractive, fun, caring and considerate, and I know exactly where I stand. I don’t have to play second fiddle to anybody else – he does what he says what he is going to do, he goes where he says is going to go and he is upfront about what he wants. I love him and realise how lucky I am. Carrie should have done the same.
F**k Big. Give me my Aidan any day…
As it is approaching my year anniversary of my blog I am sharing some of my favourite posts again. I first posted this in May 2013 and has been one of my most popular posts to date…
You can also find me on Twitter and tumblr @suzie81blog, and don’t forget to check out my new Facebook page at http://www.facebook.com/Suzie81Speaks
I just thought she was whiny and spoiled in general, but good point on this too 🙂
Thank you!
You go gal! I never took to Carrie EXACTLY for the reasons you wrote here….and congrats on finding Mr.Right in The Bloke 🙂 more power to you!
Thank you!
I confess to never getting any of the characters in this show. They seemed like caricatures and quite inane. This is well written post & I enjoyed it. You are quite introspective which is always impressive~
Thank you very much!
Reblogged this on The Rest Is Still Unwritten.
Quite agree! 🙂
Thank you!
🙂 I’m just curious – which of the four girls did you find to be “sane” — or as sane as they could be? My vote would be Miranda.
I think they all had their own neurotic behaviours, but i agree that Miranda was a little more together than the others…
Yes – that’s what I was trying to say. Anyways, I’m realizing how much I’ve been missing when I had a spell of not reading anybody’s blog…yours especially…sorry! I will do better on this score, though. 🙂
Thanks! You’re more than welcome anytime!!
Sounds like you made the right choice, all around!
Haha! definitely!! Apologies for the lack of replies to your comments – it’s been so busy, but thank you – I really appreciate it!
thank you! I enjoy reading your stories.
Thanks! I’m so pleased…
I had a mental argument with myself the entire time I read this post and it has me wondering if I don’t need some “quiet time”. 🙂 I think I got way too into this series. Ha! Loved the post, happy you found your Aidan.
Thank you very much! I really appreciate it!
I liked the show, too. I didn’t want to be them, though. I wanted to feel as free as they seemed to feel. Now that I look back, I don’t think they were really free at all. Funny how I’ve changed.
Absolutely! That’s such a good way of looking at it!
I’ve never watched the show, but I like the fact that you’ve validated my reasons for not doing so. Sorry about the previous cheater in your life. I’ve managed to avoid such people so far…mainly because I’ve managed to pretty much avoid dating, but still. Thanks for further acknowledging the flawed way in which television portrays love.
Thank you very much!
Great work!!
Thank you!
Minus the fact you were on high school when this played and how old that statement made me feel… I enjoyed this. A lot! My guy may not be Aiden, he’s more of a Steve (Miranda’s beau?) Ever since I first lay my eyes on him, I stopped all other foolish activities! I’ve not regretted one moment… bliss!
That’s a lovely story! Thanks!
Thank you for re-posting this. It seems I have been on the other end once or twice myself and have fallen for women who have had commitment issues. No longer!
I used to love the show too, but yeah Carrie was always annoying. WTF with the shoes? I’m always hearing about women loving shoes, but I have never met one who was that crazy about shoes, certainly not shoes that cost thousands of dollars. Anyway. I liked Big, but that was mostly because he was handsome, I was young, and I wasn’t actually dating him. I did date an incredibly handsome guy that swept me off my feet and it was a great, short ride but I felt insecure and there was drama and eventually stuff crashed and burned. My husband is much more steady and I LIKE steady. I couldn’t live like those women. I like my predictable life now.
Never really watched “Sex and the City”. However, I am so happy for you – it is a rare thing to find a gem! All the best.
I always felt like I was missing something because Sex in the City annoyed me so much while everyone else LOVED it. The only part I could appreciate were the friendships, but everything else seemed ridiculous and more than slightly neurotic. I am definitely a Chris Noth fan (Law and Order mostly), but you’re so right about this…
This is brilliant – great article! Mr. Big always pissed me off – Aidan is perfection, though!
So. True. It’s like she’s set up to make choices that would only ever end in frustration for real people.
i agree she definitely needs a good smack in the head
however my husband did keep me waiting for 11 years before we finally got married
I grew up without a TV, so I’m blissfully ignorant of all these things about Ms Bradshaw that rub you up the wrong way. I had a Mr Big, too. But he was rumbled very early on because I showed up when he wasn’t expecting it and discovered matching his and hers motorbike helmets in the cupboard.
Lovely post! Even I would prefer my Aidan any day 😀
One character that I always found annoying was Meredith Grey from Grey’s Anatomy. She loved Patrick Dempsey, then gave up on him because he was married. When he reunited with his wife, she couldn’t resist luring him but then again she parted ways with him. And the breaking up and making up sort of goes on for six seasons before they get married.
Three paragraphs in, you had me! Bravo for the wise words. I learned a lot from that show, and more from your blog! 😉
I’ve never seen the show (gave up TV in high school as it just didn’t interest me!) and this certainly makes me feel I wasn’t missing anything by not watching it! 🙂
I never got into these types of shows. Probably for the reasons you gave about them. It took me a few butt heads before I finally found my most beloved friend and husband. May you have many blessed years with the Bloke.
I agree completely.
As usual, well said! congratulations on the year anniversary of your blog. Your words make my day often.
“F**k Big. Give me my Aidan any day…” HA, LOVE THIS! Why many of us settle for Mr Bigs and let Aidans go, I’ll never know…
Hey Suzie,
Honestly, I never watched that show, but now I’m pretty glad I didn’t. I probably wouldn’t get through the first two or three episodes. I can’t stand shows that make it seem okay to cheat and where the main girl is a big idiot.
As for the shoes…well, she is in New York. The prices for normal clothes and shoes are ridiculous in the Big Apple. You want stylish and trendy shoes, you’re gonna pay extra for the privilege of buying it in the city. Having been in New York and looked in several shops, I can say with confidence that everything is way over priced (I would italicize the word “way” But I don’t actually know how to do that).
Anyways, I loved this post! And I agree: The nice guy who doesn’t have all of the drama is definitely better than the big jerk. Why on earth would any woman want that kind of crazy drama in her life? The writers of that show must have decided that she was meant to be the worlds biggest idiot. She certainly wouldn’t get a happily ever after story.
Aidan all the way!
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As a fan of Sex and the City, this was so fun to read! I agree completely about the wrong moves Carrie made. Mr. Big was the “unavailable man,” and she waited around when she should have moved on (and Aiden was the most stable guy to move on with). So far in my dating life I’ve encountered my own Mr. Big, and I stayed too long in the relationship. But valuing ourselves and moving on from guys who won’t value us is an important love lesson to learn. I guess with Carrie so much time went by to show that Mr. Big had “changed,” but in real life, that just doesn’t happen.
I was ALWAYS in Aidan’s corner 😉
I was too – I still don’t understand how she’d pick Big over him…
Totally agree! I never liked Mr. Big and always thought their relationship was unhealthy.
Absolutely! I was so frustrated with how pathetic she became…