Today was going to be the day that I got my life in order. I was going to get up, clean, tidy, organise, print, file, mark… I was going to go to bed with a sense of accomplishment, achievement, and satisfaction.
However, it’s now midnight and I find myself moulded perfectly into the sofa with The Bloke and the cats, feeling refreshed after a lovely bath and stuffing my face with party snacks as we have just finished watching Conchita Wurst – the ‘Bearded Lady’ from Austria – win the annual Eurovision Song Contest. There has been no housework, marking or filing done, the washing I had planned on doing is still in a pile and even though the house isn’t dirty I still wouldn’t be comfortable inviting any of my friends round in its present state!
I love Eurovision. I love the cheese, the lights, the… beards. It’s a veritable smorgasbord of the weird and wonderful from all over Europe and always good fun to watch. For example, tonight’s performance props have included a man in a hamster wheel, a woman on a trapeze, Polish girls using their boobs to gain votes, a circular piano and a see-saw. There have been blatant rip offs of already established artists and songs – Germany’s singer looked and sounded like Pink, Bruno Mars’s less talented doppelgänger made an appearance, and The Netherlands sang a slightly altered version of The Police’s ‘Every Breath You Take.’
Britain’s song came 17th. It wasn’t a bad song – we’ve done much worse in the last few years, but the political side of the the votes hasn’t worked in our favour since the Iraq war. Similarly, Russia, who usually do quite well, we’re booed throughout the voting process because of their current disagreements with their neighbouring countries. I felt quite sorry for Russia’s performers – they were only 17 years old and didn’t deserve it.
However, the ‘Queen of Europe’ tonight is Conchita Wurst, a drag performer who belted out a song that could easily have been used as a James Bond film theme. He/she absolutely deserved the title. Just to answer your questions.
1. Yes, he is a man.
2. Yes, that is a real beard.
3. No, it isn’t Kim Kardashian, or Cheryl Cole.
Today wasn’t completely unsuccessful however… I won £1 on the lottery. That will get me very little but it’s the principal of the thing…
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