The Ice-Cream Adverts Lie To Me

It’s hot. Wonderfully, scorchingly hot. In the eloquent words of Lord Flasheart (and my friend Dave), it’s as hot as my pants. The ice-cream van is permanently situated at the end of my road, tempting me every five minutes by blasting out the ‘Match of the Day’ theme tune to remind me of its presence. I love a good ice-cream cone, but it’s so hot I don’t know whether to eat one or simply face plant it.

However, as much as I love ice-cream, there is something that always annoys me at this time of the year…

The Magnum adverts. Every. Single. Year.

I love Magnums – they’re one of my favourites, and I make it my mission to have at least one of every flavour over the summer months. The adverts are all over the television. Each advert usually follows the same conventions – one or more beautiful model-type girls bite into a magnum while walking around a beautiful city. It’s a simple concept.

Alas, as much as I would like to buy into the idea, it never fails to make me so annoyed I always loudly complain the The Bloke, who knows me well enough to nod, smile and carry on with whatever he’s doing. Why? Because the Magnum advert lies to me.


Lie 1: When the girl bites into the Magnum, the chocolate stays in tact around the bite mark and she maintains a certain sexy quality.

Truth: When I bite into a Magnum, the chocolate explodes everywhere. It’s on the floor, on my clothes, down my cleavage and in my hair.

Lie 2: The girl is able to eat the ice-cream without getting any on her lips.

Truth: Any attempt that I have ever made to eat the ice-cream in a Magnum will always leave me with melted vanilla lines at the side of my mouth. The late Heath Ledger clearly saw me doing this before he took the role of the Joker in the Dark Night film – the resemblance is striking.


Lie 3: The Magnum stays perfectly frozen.

Truth: It’s an ice-cream apocalypse. It’s running down the stick and onto my clothes and the floor. I’ve got melted chocolate on my hands, my face and in my hair. It’s a race against time to consume it before it disappears.

Lies, Magnum, lies. Or perhaps I just eat like a pig?

What about you guys? Do certain adverts annoy you?

You can also find me on Twitter and Tumblr @suzie81blog


25 thoughts on “The Ice-Cream Adverts Lie To Me

  1. Yea, now that you mention magnum – how about those chocolate adverts. It does not really matter which one. You know – how come the lady who with her red velvet lips, sensually bites into that piece of chocolate and then closes her perfectly make-upt eyes is always so darn sensual? Thin? It annoys me. What is wrong with a few curves? Us curvy chicks can also be darn sensual.

    • and we curvy chicks consume MORE of their product then those wispy vixens anyway… so I figure they are aiming at the men, who they wish to buy the ice cream for a lady.. yet those wisps won’t eat the ice cream when presented with it anyway (I have no personal experience with this save vicariously through wispy friends). so we return to those who truly enjoy the frozen treats and can prove it!

  2. Just go with it. If it makes you feel any better, think about what it would be like dealing with summer ice cream bars with a beard. It ain’t pretty, I’ll tell you that.

  3. I’m often annoyed by ALL adverts. Quite frankly, it’s why I don’t listen to the radio or watch live television. I think there’s something wrong with me.

  4. Pretty much all ads annoy them…their very purpose is to manipulate people into purchasing a particular thing…the concept is icky.

    On another note, as “magnums” are a type of condom here (and not ice cream at all), I read this entire post with a strange visual. 😉

  5. Yeah, those Magnum ice cream commercials make me laugh all the time. The name is probably not an accident either. The Magnum condoms are the extra large ones and that damn ice cream bar is huge. They make the ice cream look delicious so women would want to buy it and they gave it the name of a condom so men would have inappropriate visuals while watching the commercials and go buy the ice cream so they can watch the woman in their lives eat it. It’s brilliant if you think about it…

  6. I do find all those ice-cream advertisements unbelievable, the only TV advertisements that annoy me are those food ads like Burger King, Taco Bell, how they make the food look so “advertising” so delicious, it makes me me hungry and when you get the food, it’s a big disappointment.

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