It’s a Small World. Sometimes, It’s a Little Too Small

Oh. Dear.

Oh. Dear.

After nearly a decade of working in the British Education System I have recently noticed just how many contacts I have made in my adventures, to the point where it is now a rare occurance when I don’t run into someone when I am out and about in my personal time.

I walked into the staff room a few days ago and was greeted by a visitor – a very attractive woman who was about the same age as me. I knew that I hadn’t met her before, but as I said hello there was something oddly familiar about her face, and I asked her what her name was. When she told me, an image of her smiling face in a photograph flashed before my eyes, and it clicked where I had seen her before. A very handsome friend from university (that I still occasionally play in a string quartet with) was in a relationship with her, and had promoted her picture many times across his Facebook page when she had made it to the finals of an acting competition, with the prize being a part in an Aussie soap. I got very excited at remembering this, and this was the conversation that followed.

Me: Did you have anything to do with Neighbours?

Her: (rather shocked expression) Erm… Yes. How do you know that?

Me: You’re M’s girlfriend! I went to Uni with him and I remember your face from the competition pictures he used to put up.

Her: (awkward expression) I was his girlfriend.

Me: Ah. Ok.

I quickly changed the subject. However, as I was in the middle of this conversation, I suddenly had a further flashback. That wasn’t the only reason why I knew her.

For my 30th birthday, I invited a large group of people to a party that was taking place at an 80’s themed nightclub. While it isn’t most of my friends favourite venue, to their credit they all turned up and threw themselves into drinking, dancing and general debauchery, and I was having a brilliant time. I had been surprised at several points throughout the night by good friends that I hadn’t expected to show, and half way through the night M arrived. I was really pleased to see him, as were lots of my female friends (he really is extremely attractive, I can’t emphasise this enough). One in particular thought he was lovely, and it was obvious that the feelings were mutual.

I don’t remember that much of the later part of the evening, but I do remember that there were lots of photographs taken, most of which appeared on Facebook over the next few days. I received a phone call from my friend, who told me that M had gone back to her house and spent the night. I was quite shocked with him – I knew that he had a long term girlfriend, but my friend had no idea. It was a douchy thing to do on his part…

I panicked a little in case his girlfriend found out and caused trouble for my friend, so I went onto M’s Facebook page, and through that, clicked onto his girlfriend’s page (the woman that was sitting in my staff room the other day) and promptly cyber-stalked her to see if anything revealing had appeared. She didn’t have any privacy settings, and so it was easy to navigate around it.

To make matters worse, I didn’t just click on her page on that day, I must have checked it out on several occasions over the next week. Nothing appeared to have surfaced after a while, and so I stopped, and haven’t thought about it since. Am I a bad person for not saying something? Yes, probably, but the news wouldn’t have been welcomed, she probably wouldn’t have believed me and my friend would have received unnecessary trouble. Her relationship was none of my business, despite the guilt that I always feel in those sorts of situations. I’ve learnt from experience that it is always best to mind your own business where possible.

When I remembered this, I blushed furiously, to the point where one of the other staff commented on the colour of my face. I didn’t say anything about what I remembered and I won’t – I don’t know the circumstances of their break-up, but I’m assuming that she must have eventually found out that, while he is actually a lovely bloke as a friend, he isn’t exactly boyfriend material. Yes, the world is a very small place. Sometimes, it’s a  little too small.

22 thoughts on “It’s a Small World. Sometimes, It’s a Little Too Small

  1. There are not many men, if any, who are relationship material. They are raw material, but they need whipping up, shaping, training. If anyone I know reads this I’m in trouble ……..

  2. You have a fascinating potential to be an amazing writer if you just stay out of your own story (which I understand is not the purpose of your blog). But if you ever wanted to develop your writing, your ability to draw the reader in is amazing. Scandal, intrigue, honesty about the unsurety of where you might have met someone before….this is what readers hang on. I think that while most people in literary circles look down on bloggers and blogs, the way writing is read is changing so revolutionarily that blogging may be the new serial storytelling, the way newspaper columns, which also were looked down upon by literati yet contained the stuff that people today treasure as the greatest writing they’ve read–in books, of course, one, two, three or four generations later—and you are on the cutting edge of where writing is going. All you need to add is a little imagination and story development and you could have the next generation of best-sellers on your hands. Don’t be stingy with your talents. Put them to use.

    Now, as to the relationship aspect of this piece, I do agree with you that polygamy or polyamorism is okay if all the parties know about each other so there are no misunderstandings and hurts. But that is a hard road to navigate because people instinctively know not to tell and it seems like the repercussions will be a lot worse if one does. One is hungry, one must have the desired one, one doesn’t want to jeopardize this. If I were not an SGI Buddhist chanting Nam-myoho-renge-kyo, I’d be in total sympathy and agreement with this position. But chanting NMRK has enabled me to see the depth and reality of life to a much, much greater extent than my ordinary eyes would ever allow me. Thus it is clear that one must be honest with oneself first and understand what is really going on. Next, though it is so hard in this desperate for love world, we must have the courage, having faced ourselves, to be that way with all people. A person lacking courage is not someone who spares another’s knowledge to not hurt them, even though that may be the case. A person lacking courage is someone who doesn’t have the guts to help the other person by telling them what they need to hear, even though it may hurt oneself. I was in an online relationship where I went along with my cyber girlfriend’s total love for me as the only one she would ever consider loving by telling her that she was the only one, but I knew I was lying. Eventually, I had no choice but to break it off because I wasn’t being honest with her and I was also hurting myself. I could have told her the truth, that I lusted after women much closer to home–which is a natural way for anyone to feel, so don’t go getting all judgmental on me, now–but what matters is that, through chanting NMRK, I couldn’t live with myself keeping the truth from her and proceeding into a relationship based on lies. Ironically and perhaps profoundly, she continually suspected me of having affairs, so the truth and me have a funny way of not wanting to be separated. I’d make a terrible spy.

    I think hurting and getting hurt in love comes down to how much one is willing to deceive and also to be deceived in order to have that rapturous feeling, compared to which there is no other. As one gets more experienced in life, one decides love is that worth it and is willing to take one’s time, as I am quickly discovering in my dating situation, and that is a good thing. One can control one’s desires enough to have a healthy, open and honest relationship, including the admission that one may lust after someone else, which is totally natural, so that whatever action will come of it will be known to both parties going into it. I think the deception is the majority of the hurt in a situation in which one learns that their mate has been cheating.

    Therefore, Suzie, though it’s a small thing, you might want to think about the fact that you were not completely honest with your friend and let him and his girlfriend suffer through a situation of dishonesty (being as you were willing enough to stalk the relationship breaker). In the end, what did you spare him and her? One could argue that breaking the truth to them at the time spared them nothing and actually cost them time in a dishonest relationship that was headed for doom anyway. Sometimes discretion is no more than the conceits we keep to stay in good company and keep friends (the same way we sell a piece of our soul to keep and gain lovers). But I think (and I know I’m both preaching and putting a high standard on this, a standard higher than most, especially those in “good society” are comfortable keeping) that any friend who is a true friend will be thankful if you bring them bad news that is helpful to their life rather than resentful that you spoiled a rapture they didn’t want to let go of. Jm2c (Just my two cents–or do you still use tuppence over there?)

    • Thanks Marc, but while i appreciate the advice, again for the third time I’d like to remind you that I don’t create fictional stories. I write about what I know and my life, which I’m not quite sure what you have such an issue with, and I am going to continue to write in this way because it is my blog, my little space of the Internet, which you are welcome to read if you wish without judgement. I also don’t practise a religion, which I reserve my right to, and while I respect your faith and beliefs your comments often focus on what I should be practising, which I don’t think is fair, particularly as I don’t leave comments for you that tell you what you should be doing.

      As for the girl in my post, she wasn’t my friend, and I have never met her before. Yes, there are always moral issues surrounding a situation like this, but I am happy with the decision that I made.

      I always appreciate someone taking the time to comment on something I have written, particularly someone like yourself who has read my blog for a while, but can I politely and respectfully request that you don’t consistently use it as an opportunity to tell me to change. I am happy, proud and comfortable with the blog I have created, and will continue to write in whatever way I wish.

  3. Awkward! My face turns red when I’m embarrassed too – I hate that! Hopefully she won’t think back to hard and realize any of the details. Who knows…you could wind up great friends! Life is funny that way. Visiting from SITS 🙂

    • Thanks very much – I love SITS! She has no clue who i am really so unless she reads this blog and puts 2 and 2 together there isn’t much of a chance of that! I even go red when I haven’t done anything wrong – it makes me a terrible liar which is why I don’t bother wasting my time in lying!!

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