Say What Now?

Warning: adult content.

After twenty months of blogging and hundreds of posts that cover a whole range of topics, I have started to take great delight in the frequently obscure searches that lead to Suzie81 Speaks. While I can link some of these to things I have written, I still find some baffling and at times, hilarious. There are clearly lots of different types of people that read my blog:

1. The Apathetic Authorsimage


Thanks. It’s nice to see that my blog appears when these sentences are typed in…

2. The Aspiring DoctorimageI have no medical training whatsoever, but I can guess that the answer to this is no.

3. Animal Loversimage



I have never met anyone that has believed that they are a badger, nor have I attempted to cuddle one. However, judging from video footage of honey badgers I have seen, I would advise against it. I have also seen the baby monkey and pig video. It’s pointless and the song that goes with it is guaranteed to stick in your head for days afterwards.

4. The Aromatherapist



Old Spice for the belly button? The other fragrance manufacturers are clearly missing out on a section of the market here.

5. The Textile Enthusiastsimage


The top one is one of fourteen references I have received about panties, often accompanied by the word ‘dirty.’ However, the second one was a little more obscure – I’d love to find the person who wrote that and discover what happened afterwards…

6. The Food Loversimage


I have never tasted my own (or anybody else’s) feet, but after inspecting my gnarly toes I can’t imagine that it would be a pleasant experience for anybody.

7. The Disney Enthusiasts.image

Does anyone know what rule 34 is? I only found out today. Nice. How the heck does that lead to my blog???

8. The Wishful Thinkersimageimage

I would suggest that the collective response to both of these is Viagra… Lots of Viagra.

9. The Angry Peopleimage



Steps on how to piss somebody off? That’s a whole blog in itself!

10. The Revenge Seeker


This is one of many search terms from men that appear to want revenge on their ex-wives. It’s quite disturbing.

11. The Big Thinkersimageimage

I would love to find out how to spend the day doing nothing at work – I’m exhausted by the time I get home! And did Ray J and Justin Beaver have sex? More to the point – Justin Beaver or Justin Bieber? Is this his porn star equivalent?

12. The Randomsimageimageimage

Erm… Right.

13. The Biographerimage

Emily Dickinson may have indeed been an emo. What it has to do with anything I’ve written on my blog though, I haven’t a clue.

14. The Beauticianimage

Clearly another area where the manufacturers of beauty products are missing out.

What about you guys? What weird and wonderful search terms have led somebody to your blog?

You can also find me on Twitter and Tumblr @suzie81blog, and don’t forget to check out my Facebook page


56 thoughts on “Say What Now?

  1. Hahaha! These are amazing! They gave me the laugh that I needed after a long day at work! I’m afraid the only way people are finding my blog at the moment are through twitter, although after this post I’ll be keeping a closer eye on the situation for any corking ones like these! 🙂

  2. Um, yes, I know what Rule 34 is. Yuck.

    My most recent ones of note are “zombie cold medicine” and “deadpool talks about political social issues”. Other than that, all mine are “I am sad”, “I am depressed”, etc.

    I think I need to start being cheerier LOL

  3. My word! This was hilarious because I wonder at the people doing these searches. Someone keeps searching for “vernette boob” and landing on my blog. Also I googled Rule 34 and that was quite an eye opener! Thanks for the afternoon laugh.

  4. i did a look through mine once only to discover that a blog i wrote on tesco and its ethics is responsible for leading people to my blog looking for the terms Porn and Horse and Girl and Meat!!!!!! at the time i was on the first page out of an awful lot!

  5. Haha, this is great, Suzie. My favorite search term that led to my blog is “i’m a much better liar after a few glasses oif red wine.” No further comment needed 🙂 Have a great day!

  6. Brilliant! The things people search for…

    I think my weirdest one is “stiff oli brush round #10” – have no idea what that’s about! and lots to do with cats being in, or on, or eating cake…

  7. No, Suzie… sorry. I *still* have no weird search terms for my blog. I’m just not one of the cool kids, because most of them are… mine. Or they are C.A.F., to use one of your terms. Nothing to write home about, as they say. Nothing unusual, strange, out of sorts. Maybe just a wee bit on the spam side now and then, but nope.

    Is it true what you said to Kenneth (theculturemonk)? Will people only pay attention when I format things like all the popular bloggers? When I consistently make “prompt questions” at the end of my posts? And so on? I’m not being snarky– I promise. I really am wondering.

    • I’m really confused, I can’t find anywhere in that comment where I discuss formatting, prompt questions or anything like that? I was talking about the fact that stats don’t mean as much as some think and how I don’t have as many followers as my blog would suggest… Where would you get formatting and prompt questions from?

      • My apologies– my mind works in very divergent, winding, rambling patterns. Welcome to the mess that is my brain. I’ve muddled a lot of my reactions from some other bloggers. It wasn’t my intention to say that you suggested all these things, but I can see how what I said would look that way.

        When I re-read your comments, I thought, “Wow, man, she was just talking about readership and the people that follow her blog– not how she was writing her posts,” so I admit that my memory was also in error.

        I did have a commenter once come to the Vox DIaspora– another blog that I contribute to– and demand why I didn’t use prompt questions. I was rather shocked by her gall, but very firmly yet gently responded that I would be more inclined to comment positively if she’d do the same.

        I’ve been blogging for 11 years to the day today, and many things have changed numerous times since then. I’m still catching up.

  8. Hysterical and even funnier is I’d been thinking of starting a collection also.

    The best ones are “long skinny penis” and somehow “madh mamas” (poor spelling included)

    Love it!!!

  9. I had to sit here with my finger hovering over the comment button, trying to decide if I should disclose. Then I wondered if I could comment without my picture. I have no idea what this person was searching for but I’m even more agast that it led to my blog. “Girl on dad”

  10. Sorry only got as far as number 8, tears rolling down my cheeks, will read the rest later. If you want to know about the man in panites, email me, not prepared to discuss openly. Blessings, now need to go and re-do my mascara. Joy Oh btw I am 55, no viagra needed although my hubby is not 81.

Comments are closed.