Warning: adult content.
After twenty months of blogging and hundreds of posts that cover a whole range of topics, I have started to take great delight in the frequently obscure searches that lead to Suzie81 Speaks. While I can link some of these to things I have written, I still find some baffling and at times, hilarious. There are clearly lots of different types of people that read my blog:
Thanks. It’s nice to see that my blog appears when these sentences are typed in…
2. The Aspiring DoctorI have no medical training whatsoever, but I can guess that the answer to this is no.
I have never met anyone that has believed that they are a badger, nor have I attempted to cuddle one. However, judging from video footage of honey badgers I have seen, I would advise against it. I have also seen the baby monkey and pig video. It’s pointless and the song that goes with it is guaranteed to stick in your head for days afterwards.
4. The Aromatherapist
Old Spice for the belly button? The other fragrance manufacturers are clearly missing out on a section of the market here.
The top one is one of fourteen references I have received about panties, often accompanied by the word ‘dirty.’ However, the second one was a little more obscure – I’d love to find the person who wrote that and discover what happened afterwards…
I have never tasted my own (or anybody else’s) feet, but after inspecting my gnarly toes I can’t imagine that it would be a pleasant experience for anybody.
Does anyone know what rule 34 is? I only found out today. Nice. How the heck does that lead to my blog???
I would suggest that the collective response to both of these is Viagra… Lots of Viagra.
Steps on how to piss somebody off? That’s a whole blog in itself!
10. The Revenge Seeker
This is one of many search terms from men that appear to want revenge on their ex-wives. It’s quite disturbing.
I would love to find out how to spend the day doing nothing at work – I’m exhausted by the time I get home! And did Ray J and Justin Beaver have sex? More to the point – Justin Beaver or Justin Bieber? Is this his porn star equivalent?
Erm… Right.
Emily Dickinson may have indeed been an emo. What it has to do with anything I’ve written on my blog though, I haven’t a clue.
Clearly another area where the manufacturers of beauty products are missing out.
What about you guys? What weird and wonderful search terms have led somebody to your blog?
You can also find me on Twitter and Tumblr @suzie81blog, and don’t forget to check out my Facebook page http://www.facebook.com/suzie81speaks.
Hahaha! These are amazing! They gave me the laugh that I needed after a long day at work! I’m afraid the only way people are finding my blog at the moment are through twitter, although after this post I’ll be keeping a closer eye on the situation for any corking ones like these! 🙂
Every so often I have a look and see what has been written… Glad you enjoyed it!
Um, yes, I know what Rule 34 is. Yuck.
My most recent ones of note are “zombie cold medicine” and “deadpool talks about political social issues”. Other than that, all mine are “I am sad”, “I am depressed”, etc.
I think I need to start being cheerier LOL
I’ve just found out. eww. Why don’t you do a post with just the word happy written over and over? Ignore them, I love your posts…
Zombie cold medicine wins. Wins all
I love these! I keep getting searches for “white pantyhose”. Sigh.
Nice – so it’s not just me that attracts the porn enthusiasts then?
Hah! Right? Dunno what everyone is doing with their white pantyhose but I think they are disappointed when they visit my blog…
Haha! I agree – they type in the word p*ssy and get a picture of my cats instead!
Trust me. You really don’t know what rule 34 is =)
I do now. I’m bothered that this leads to my blog!
I won’t look it up.
Nothing more fun than Google search fails!
It makes me wonder what sort of people are out there!
Hahaha! Thanks for the giggle. 🙂
Thanks Linda! Glad you enjoyed it!
How do you find these? Just curious.
I went onto search terms in my stats and then did screen shots with my phone
I guess my volume is much smaller than yours. There’s nothing intetesting on mine.
If you check summaries on your search terms you can see them from the entire history of the blog…
My word! This was hilarious because I wonder at the people doing these searches. Someone keeps searching for “vernette boob” and landing on my blog. Also I googled Rule 34 and that was quite an eye opener! Thanks for the afternoon laugh.
These made me laugh! Catching husband in panties and testicle moisturiser!?? Craziness! I’m off to check my search terms!
i did a look through mine once only to discover that a blog i wrote on tesco and its ethics is responsible for leading people to my blog looking for the terms Porn and Horse and Girl and Meat!!!!!! at the time i was on the first page out of an awful lot!
Haha, this is great, Suzie. My favorite search term that led to my blog is “i’m a much better liar after a few glasses oif red wine.” No further comment needed 🙂 Have a great day!
‘Sex at 81′ – ’81’ what? It doesn’t specify ‘age’. It could be 81 Jump Street…
Oh, and ‘Old Spice Belly Button’ is a great name for a Hillbilly country music band.
Brilliant! The things people search for…
I think my weirdest one is “stiff oli brush round #10” – have no idea what that’s about! and lots to do with cats being in, or on, or eating cake…
Thanks for the laugh-out-loud post. I can never figure out where this kind of stuff comes from. Google is fallible.
No, Suzie… sorry. I *still* have no weird search terms for my blog. I’m just not one of the cool kids, because most of them are… mine. Or they are C.A.F., to use one of your terms. Nothing to write home about, as they say. Nothing unusual, strange, out of sorts. Maybe just a wee bit on the spam side now and then, but nope.
Is it true what you said to Kenneth (theculturemonk)? Will people only pay attention when I format things like all the popular bloggers? When I consistently make “prompt questions” at the end of my posts? And so on? I’m not being snarky– I promise. I really am wondering.
Morning! Can you give me the link to what post that was on?
This is the closest link I could find: http://culturemonk.com/2014/03/09/the-internet-makes-us-equal-really/#comment-23317
I believe whichever thread that was “discussed this before” is the one I’m looking for, but I can’t find it just yet.
Good morning from here, by the way, although I know it’s evening in the British Isles now.
A-ha! I’ve found it and sent it to you on Twitter.
I’m really confused, I can’t find anywhere in that comment where I discuss formatting, prompt questions or anything like that? I was talking about the fact that stats don’t mean as much as some think and how I don’t have as many followers as my blog would suggest… Where would you get formatting and prompt questions from?
My apologies– my mind works in very divergent, winding, rambling patterns. Welcome to the mess that is my brain. I’ve muddled a lot of my reactions from some other bloggers. It wasn’t my intention to say that you suggested all these things, but I can see how what I said would look that way.
When I re-read your comments, I thought, “Wow, man, she was just talking about readership and the people that follow her blog– not how she was writing her posts,” so I admit that my memory was also in error.
I did have a commenter once come to the Vox DIaspora– another blog that I contribute to– and demand why I didn’t use prompt questions. I was rather shocked by her gall, but very firmly yet gently responded that I would be more inclined to comment positively if she’d do the same.
I’ve been blogging for 11 years to the day today, and many things have changed numerous times since then. I’m still catching up.
Hilarious!!! 😀 The spam folder is another guaranteed source of amusement!
Hilarious! I’ve decided that I probably don’t want to meet most of the people who find my blog through search engines.
LOL. You never know what paths lead to your blog in the wide wide world of the internet…
I had a great chuckle, thanks for sharing!
The funniest one I can find on my list is “Does Hugh Have Huge Rocks?”
I’m not going to answer that one, Suzie.
Almost peed
Most of the Google searches I get any more are unknown. Boo.
Lol, I love how you put this together. I get all kinds of weird searches too, stuff that would make even the most liberal person blush. The world runs on all kinds.
Hysterical and even funnier is I’d been thinking of starting a collection also.
The best ones are “long skinny penis” and somehow “madh mamas” (poor spelling included)
Love it!!!
I had to sit here with my finger hovering over the comment button, trying to decide if I should disclose. Then I wondered if I could comment without my picture. I have no idea what this person was searching for but I’m even more agast that it led to my blog. “Girl on dad”
Lol these are the best! My most recent score was “kanaka housewife sex stories” which, I mean. Come on, I’d read that blog too.
Reblogged this on Suzie81 Speaks and commented:
This isn’t a very old post, but I’m reblogging it for #ThrowbackThursday in case you missed it…
This is hilarious! But wtf though?! It’s never occurred to me before to even look…
Haha, so funny! The best one I’ve had is ‘I got my aunt pregnant’, I also get a lot of porn searches after writing about breastfeeding
There’s nothing more maddening than “unknown search terms” but oh my god I want to know if testicle moisturiser exists.
Haha! I’m putting together my more recent ones for a follow-up post soon!
It worries me that my dog’s XXXth post is still my top hitting article….
Haha! I bet you get some really great search terms for that Sue!
Sorry only got as far as number 8, tears rolling down my cheeks, will read the rest later. If you want to know about the man in panites, email me, not prepared to discuss openly. Blessings, now need to go and re-do my mascara. Joy Oh btw I am 55, no viagra needed although my hubby is not 81.
Haha! I’m intruiged Joy!
How do you find these out? Is this a google analytics thing? Cheers Joy
WordPress stats – I don’t use google analytics. It’s in ‘search terms’
These are priceless!
I’ve had a few corkers since!