1. If it doesn’t matter, get rid of it. If you can’t get rid of it, it matters.
2. Getting no message can sometimes be a message in itself.
3. Life is not a fairytale. If you lose your shoe at midnight, you’re probably drunk.
4. Don’t regret knowing the people that come into your life – good people give you happiness, bad ones give you experience, the worst ones give you lessons and the best ones give you memories.
5. You can’t throw spaghetti at wall and expect it to spell something.
6. No good apology usually contains the word ‘but.’
7. It’s good to be informed instead of just being opinionated.
8. Normal seems to be getting dressed in clothes that are bought for work, driving through traffic in a car that is not yet paid off in order to get to the job that is needed to pay for the clothes and the car and the house that is left vacant all day so it is possible to afford to live in it.
9. There comes a time where you need to stop crossing oceans for people who wouldn’t jump puddles for you.
10. There may be two sides to every story. Unfortunately, there are some people who look like complete douchebags in both of them.
11. Tom Hanks is probably the only man that will ever make you cry over a lost volleyball.
12. It’s important to follow your heart, but equally important to take your brain with you.
13. The first five days after the weekend are always the hardest.
14. It is impossible to make the same mistake twice, because the second time is a choice.
15. It is better to be unique that trying to be perfect.
16. Life is too short to be serious all the time. If you can’t laugh at yourself, call someone who will laugh at you.
17. Don’t forget to post on Facebook every time you are going to the gym, otherwise the entire workout will be a complete waste of time.
18. That tingly feeling that is experienced when you like someone is often common sense leaving the body.
19. It’s better to have loved and lost than to do thirty pounds of laundry a week.
20. Take the opportunity to smile while you still have teeth.
21. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.
22. To succeed in life, you need three things – a wishbone, a backbone and a funnybone.
23. After a game of chess, the king and the pawn go in the same box.
24. It’s often said that you are what you eat. I clearly ate a sexy beast this morning.
25. You can’t completely open your mouth and stick you tongue out past your lips.
26. You just tried it.
27. You’ve just realised that I was lying.
28. Of your 99 problems, 83 of them will be completely made up nonsense and will result in unnecessary stress for no logical reason. These will undoubtedly surface at 3am when you have to be up early that day…
29. There’s a difference between being anti-social and anti-stupid.
30. Life is too short not to get drunk in a costume.
31. Nothing is more serious than turning on the caps lock during a public fight on the Internet.
32. Moving on is much easier to accept when you realise the other person was batsh*t crazy.
If anybody needs me, I’ll be in the pub…
You can also find me on Twitter and Tumblr @suzie81blog and don’t forget to check out my Facebook page at http://www.facebook.com/suzie81speaks.