When I started this little blog nearly two years ago, I was struggling with mental health issues and I was desperate to protect myself and maintain a level of anonymity – I’ve heard many horror stories over the years of hacked accounts and personal information being stolen and shared (even within the workplace) and I wanted this to be a place in which I could share my real thoughts, issues and feelings without fear of judgement.
Creating a blog was the best decision I have ever made. This little space of the internet has introduced me to a wonderful community of people who have not only provided me with support, but they made me realise that I am not alone and it is ok to stand up and say ‘I’m struggling.’ I am not being melodramatic when I say that it has changed my life for the better.
As the months went by, my confidence grew – I started to receive some brilliant feedback, I became more trusting of people and started to share my blog’s existence with those around me. Now, everyone who is important to me in my personal life knows, and lots of them follow Suzie81 Speaks by either email or across my social media accounts.
There are both positive and negative sides to this. After reading some of my posts I have been able to build some bridges with formerly estranged family members as it has allowed them them to finally see my point of view. I’ve been told by some of my friends that it has given them a better understanding of who I am as a person. My friends and family have also inadvertently contributed to the growth of the blog by sharing my posts across their social media accounts. I’ve been pleasantly surprised and extremely grateful for their support.
Unfortunately, the negative aspect is that I now feel a little restricted in what I can write about and the depth at which I can divulge my personal thoughts experiences. Two years ago I was sending my ramblings out into a nameless, faceless space of nothingness. While I write for me and always have, I am conscious of the fact that I have an audience of real people, some of whom I know and see regularly.
On days like today, I would like to use this space to say what I really think. This is the beauty of anonymity – the ability to be able to let go without the fear of consequence, but the little voice at the back of my mind is reminding me of who will read it. I live quite a ‘vanilla’ existence – I haven’t done anything bad, I don’t have any dark and dirty secrets that I wish to spill out to the world, but I would love to have the power to be able to say ‘this really p*ssed me off.’
Because lots of things have p*ssed me off recently.
What about you? Do your family and friends know about your blog? Does the audience you have in your personal life dictate what you write about?
You can also find me on Twitter and Tumblr @suzie81blog and don’t forget to check out my Facebook page http://www.facebook.com/suzie81speaks