Sorry, I’m Not Sorry

imageIn the last few months I have read a number of wonderful posts. While the content of each was different, I noticed that they all began with the same negative introduction:

You will probably find this boring / You may think that this is rubbish / I doubt anybody will be interested in this…

I have learned over time to try and ignore it – I often find that I am pleasantly surprised by the wonderful writing that follows, but admittedly there are times where I have been put off by these self-deprecating opening sentences – the writer is almost apologising for having a thought or an interest in something before they have even given potential readers a chance to form an opinion about it.

What seems to be the predominant reason for the creation of many blogs is that people have an urge to write and feel that they have something important to say, regardless of the content they create. It may be read by one or two people, it may be read by millions, but I find that lots of bloggers feel that the act of blogging is just as fulfilling as the response to the post itself. So why are so many people apologising for this?

While I am rarely apologetic in the blogging world, it made me think about all of the things that I apologise for on a regular basis in my daily life. Being British, it is a natural part of our vocabulary to use ‘sorry’ as a synonym for ‘excuse me,’ but I have also been known to suffer from anxiety and paranoia which causes me to be naturally apologetic in my conversation. The use of the word ‘sorry’ within these conversations highlights the fact that I feel inadequate and vulnerable, which has the potential to make others feel uncomfortable and there have been many occasions where I have been told to stop it by close family and friends.

Of course, it is important to be genuinely apologetic when our actions have resulted in somebody else being hurt or inconvenienced, but in the spirit of positivity and stepping out of my comfort zone in 2015, here are the things that I’m not sorry for:

1. Instantly removing myself from the company of racists, sexists, and homophobes. I can’t abide those people.

2. Wanting to have a work/life balance. In my 20’s, I lived to work. In my 30’s, I work to live. My physical and mental health has suffered because of it and I realised a while ago that being happy and healthy is much more important than earning a big salary.

3. Feeling the way that I feel about a situation. I cannot control how I feel about something, but what I can control is how I choose to deal with it.

4. Taking some time for me. There is nothing wrong with spending two hours at a time in the bath. A few of my friends think this is ridiculous. I don’t… It’s definitely the best way to spend a Sunday night. Or any night, in fact.

5. Posting pictures of my cats on the blog or any of my social media accounts. I have to look at pictures of my friends children – they are my equivalent, my family. If I have to look at little Billy in his new hat, or little Billy at the park, or little Billy with ice-cream or chocolate all over his face (which are all undeniably cute) then others can look at Daisy in a hat too.

6. Being ‘fussy’ with my food – there are so many who like to comment on my personal culinary tastes. I love tomatoes and tomato ketchup, but dislike tomato soup. I like peas, particularly petite pois, but hate mushy peas. I hate all variants of egg – omelettes, boiled, fried, poached, but really like Spanish omelette. I also like to put chips (and by chips, I mean fries) in my soup. There’s nothing nicer than soup and chips – try it, or at least don’t comment about it when I do.

7. Sobbing hysterically at animal charity adverts on the TV. And at romantic moments in my favourite films and books. And at beautiful cards and letters I have received. In fact, I don’t apologise for crying at any point – crying is good for the soul.

8. Hating, and I know that hate is a strong word, but perfectly acceptable in this situation, everything about the Twilight Saga. Bella Swan is the worst role-model for young impressionable teenage girls and… I’ll stop there, or this post will be twice as long.

9. Adoring karaoke sessions on a Friday night. I’m not exactly going to win the next X Factor, but I can hold a tune and there’s nothing better than having a few drinks and singing my heart out to a crowd of complete strangers. It’s fun and therapeutic.

10. Not wanting to have children or get married yet, despite being in a secure and happy long-term relationship.

11. Removing people from my life that were toxic. My only regret is that I didn’t do it sooner.

12. Taking photographs of everything. I love recording a beautiful moment or a fabulous place.

13. Writing about my battles with mental health issues – it’s still a taboo subject in many areas of society, but I make no apologies when I tell others that I’m struggling.

14. Ringing in sick to work when I’m ill. If I’m ill, I’m ill – there’s no point going in and infecting the entire cohort of staff and students at my school. And when I’m well, I’ll give it 100%, and work most evenings and weekends unpaid.

15. Smoking a cigarette, and thoroughly enjoying it! I don’t do it that often but I know the risks, I don’t do it in people’s personal space, and mind your own business!

16. Not learning to drive. I had lessons when I was 17 years old and I crashed my learner car into a car transporter, and have never been back. Trust me, the world is a safer place without me behind the wheel!

17. Instantly judging someone who is rude to employees working in the service industry – bar and fast-food staff, waiters, retail assistants, baristas… I’ve been there and all are challenging and exhausting roles and those that work within them deserve to be treated with respect.

18. While I’m on the subject of judging others, I’m not sorry for judging those that wear fur for fashion. That’s a whole post in itself…

19. Dressing like a teenage boy. I like jeans and sweaters most of the time. It’s comfortable.

20. Asking for what I want. I’m an adult, I’m polite and respectful and I never demand anything, but as I’ve aged, I have learned to be more articulate in requesting things that I need.

21. Similarly, asking for help. This is something that I have learned to do recently – I used to try and take on everything myself and would find that I couldn’t cope with the pressure. Now, I make no apologies for asking for help from others.

22. Being proud of my achievements. Pride is not to be confused with arrogance – I don’t believe I am better than anyone else, but I proud of things that I have done well.

23. Having a dream, taking the risk and working my hardest to achieve it. Some have been hugely supportive. Others have scoffed. However, my belief is what keeps me going.

It’s important to remember that we don’t owe anyone explanations in the form of apologies. The act of explaining ourselves is often an attempt to justify our actions to another person, as if a decision needs validation. We don’t have to explain ourselves for the way that we choose to live and who we choose to live with. We don’t have to explain our priorities in life and what we do with our time. We don’t have to explain our likes and dislikes, our passions, beliefs, hobbies, interests, ideals and ambitions. We don’t have to explain our decisions to have or to not have children. If what you are doing makes you genuinely happy and fulfilled, you’re doing it right. So for all of these things, I’m not sorry. I’m not sorry for liking who I am and how I live. I’m far from perfect, I have a million flaws, but I do my best.

Therefore, I am going to set a challenge both for myself and for you. Stop apologising for having an opinion and wanting to share your thoughts! Don’t begin your posts with a negative statement – send your message into the blogosphere and be proud of it!

What about you? What do you apologise for that you shouldn’t?

You can also find me on Twitter and Tumblr @suzie81blog and don’t forget to visit my Facebook page http://www.facebook.com/suzie81speaks, my Pinterest page http://www.pinterest.com/suzie81speaks and my Instagram http://www.instagram.com/suzie81speaks

 

168 thoughts on “Sorry, I’m Not Sorry

  1. Right on sista! I sometimes step back in case I might offend someone but am at a point now where I am happy just being me and would prefer not to think that hard before I say or write something. 🙂
    Thanks for linking up in the Ultimate Rabbit Hole!

  2. Sorry I’m sorry as much as I am. 😛

    Had to say it. Seriously, couldn’t agree with you more–not only is apologizing for your own opinion relatively pointless, it actually makes your stance seem less credible: when you suggest, by apologizing in the first line, that there’s something to be sorry ABOUT in how you see things, you’re imbuing your post up-front with a honey glaze of shame.

    Glad I came across this, and thanks for sharing.

    • Thank you! I’m pleased that you could relate to it and i totally agree with you! Please forgive my late reply – I’m trying to catch up on all of my comments, even though it’s a bit late. Really appreciate it!

  3. Pingback: Sorry, I’m Not Sorry | Donna's Blog

  4. Sorry I’m not Sorry just had to write this as well. I have been trying to read your post. I have so much that I am working on. I will try again to tonight to complete you posting . It is very interesting

    Thank you

    • Thank you! Please forgive my late reply – I’m trying to catch up on all of my comments, even though it’s a bit late. Really appreciate it! I’m glad that you were inspired by it too!

  5. Another excellent post! I especially loved your statement about removing toxic people from your life. I’m (actually really truly) sorry that some of the toxic people in mine are family members, but such is life, and mine is better without them. Also, I too am not sorry about taking photos of anything and everything that catches my eye. I love reliving those moments when my screen saver kicks in 😉 Making snap judgements about those who are rude to service people is one thing I am guilty of and not sorry for either. There are many more “not sorry” statements of yours that I agree with as well, but don’t want to write an entire post at the bottom of yours 😉 I just wanted to let you know how much I enjoyed it!

  6. A very complete compendium of your logics. Amazing that you feel so deep about it all and have compartmentalized some things. Well done!

  7. Sorry, Suzie, but I do not recollect having been sorry. I take responsibility for what I say. I do not write to criticize and offend. When an idea starts taking the shape of a post, I merely listen to what the little voice inside me tells me and keep banging on the key board till the time it has got flushed out of my feeble grey matter. Peace prevails. Joy reigns.

  8. Oo, I share a number of these, Suzie! Especially #12… and I agree! What’s the point of starting people off on a negative? Or is it a fishing expedition for a compliment? Let us make up our own minds about what you have to say – it’s only fair. 🙂 As always, a great read and thought provoking. Mother Hen

    • Thank you very much! Really appreciate it and I totally agree… I don’t think that it’s fishing, but a huge lack of self confidence, which I find a little strange as people often feel much more confident when sitting behind a computer!

  9. Fantastic post! I don’t think I apologize much in my posts, but I may be mistaken. I do, however, say a lot of sorrys in real life and I so want to stop doing it. Such a relevant post! Made me think.

  10. I love #22 – why should we apologise for being proud of our achievements? As long as we’re not being bitchy or complete dickheads about it, I say its totally ok to give ourselves a high-five every now and then. Sometimes if we don’t celebrate our achievements, no one else will. Cheers for articulating what we’re all thinking 🙂

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  12. Well I used to apologise for everything, used to punctuate my sentences with ‘sorry’ but no more, for the very reasons you outline here Suzie. Be who you are, believe in your beliefs and try to be as non-judgemental as possible of others in the process. The world would be a much more tolerant place! Not sorry either 😉 #ArchiveDay

  13. Using profanity within my posts. Speaking my truths on MY blog space. Maintaining a meat-less diet because it feels right for me (NOT because I’m superior to those who enjoy meat). These are a few of mine. I think one of the most wonderful aspects of aging is that we move into a “screw it” state of mind. We’re not so afraid of judgment anymore, because we understand that not everyone will approve, and that’s perfectly alright. The world is a great place because of diversity. Thanks for sharing yet another brilliant post! Love to read your words!

    • When I was reading the first part of your comment I had to resist the urge to shout ‘yeeeeeeeah!’ while punching the air. Totally agree with everything you said Rica! Thank you!

  14. Such a good post. I recently read that readers are more likely to click and share a post that offers a positive value. I also detest Twilight and the idea of shimmering Vamps. We, as women apologize too much in general, I totally agree.

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