One Step Forward, Three Steps Back

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I saw this on Facebook this morning – perfect.

I went to the pub yesterday after work to meet my friend. It has been a challenging time for her – after ending her relationship of eleven years she has had to move house and adjust to living on her own for the first time since she moved to Birmingham in 2001. Understandably, she’s been through the whole spectrum of emotions, but yesterday I noticed that there was a slight change in her – it was the first time that she hadn’t mentioned her ex and she seemed much more settled. Just before we parted ways to go home, I recalled a conversation that we had just after the break-up, where she said that she wished she could use a time machine to skip ahead by six months just so she wouldn’t have to go through the process of changing her life. Six months later, she’s at the point where she wanted to be – she’s established in her new home, she’s enjoying her own company and she has reached a point where she doesn’t think about her ex every day. I’m proud of her – she’s been so strong and I’m glad everything is beginning to work out. She deserves it.

I can totally relate to her sentiments all those months ago. I want a time machine too.

I have just six weeks left until I leave my job. I have a plan for how I want my new life to be, but it seems that every time I take a step forward something intervenes and pushes me three steps backwards. While I often live life by the proverbial seat of my pants, being far too disorganised to plan effectively in the way that others appear to do, I have had to ensure that my decision to quit a permanent, full-time post will not have a financially devastating impact on the life that The Bloke and I live. I’ve saved every penny I can and have been living off as little as possible, I booked meetings with important people who are offering me exciting employment opportunities and I finally started to see a small light at the end of the tunnel. The Bloke and I have even started saving up for our first holiday in five years. Normally, because of my contracted hours, we have always had to plan any trips during the school holidays as I am not allowed time off during term-time, but we realised that we wouldn’t have the same restriction this year. WeΒ decided that we were going to get a package deal to somewhere in Europe in September – it’s much cheaper and there would be no children around as they would be at school, and we found an offer for the beautiful Greek island of Kefalonia (watch Captain Corelli’s Mandolin to see just how stunning it is).

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Daisy, The Dream Killer

However, this week has been a continuous battle. The meetings that were booked weeks ago were cancelled, my workload has been utterly ridiculous due to the fact that it is exam season, all of the coursework has to be finished and we have two major performances (including a musical theatre production) that happen within a week of each other. To add the icing on the cake, my cat, Daisy (who will now be referred to as ‘Daisy, The Dream Killer’) needed emergency dental surgery, taking a portion of my savings – essentially the money we had put away for the holiday, so now we have to start again. Consequently, the anxiety, panic and insomnia has returned and I went into what I consider to be ‘survival mode,’ getting through each day an hour at a time instead of looking at the big picture. I’ve breathed a sigh of relief as I’ve walked through the front door to my home every evening, and congratulated myself for making it through the day. My saving grace is normally the blog, but there has been no time to even look at it aside from a quick post at the beginning of the week, never mind contribute a post or reply to comments, and worse still, I’ve been that stressed out that I didn’t even notice. It was only when I received a few messages from some lovely bloggy friends that I realised just how much I needed to catch up on (thanks, by the way).

I want it to be over. It’s only six weeks, but it seems like an absolute lifetime away.

My friend provided the biggest inspiration yesterday. It’s still going to be a tough road ahead, but she’s proof that every small victory is one step closer to winning that war. Daisy has made a swift recovery and has now resumed her daily routine of sleeping, eating and sleeping some more. I still have several pay checks yet to contribute towards my savings. I will re-schedule the meetings. The next few weeks will be stressful, but it is just weeks – it’s isn’t as if I have to wait months, or years for my new life.

And when I’m sitting on a beautiful beach in September, I know the fight will be worth it.

What about you guys? How has your week been?

You can also find me on Twitter and Tumblr @suzie81blog and you can also find me on my Facebook page http://www.facebook.com/suzie81speaks and Pinterest http://www.pinterest.com/suzie81speaks

152 thoughts on “One Step Forward, Three Steps Back

  1. Just keep taking it one day at a time. Everything will work out the way it’s supposed to in time. I know it’s a tough wait, but I think everyone is in the same boat just for different reasons. We all go through it. I’m glad your friend is doing much better and good luck to you as well!

    • Thanks Rachel – I certainly will! I’m holding onto the idea that everything will work out as it is meant to, so hopefully I can look back on this period in time and be glad that it’s over!

  2. Hang in there! As a teacher I know that June is the worst and if anything, it does fly by really quickly. You will be done before you know it and then your life will be your’s to reshape, replan and find what truly makes your heart sing! And it sounds like that beautiful island in Greece will be a great start to a new adventure awaiting you. Best of luck and keep your chin up (my dad’s famous saying.) Cheryl

    • Thanks Cheryl! It’s quite exciting to think that anything could happen, and I can change all the things I want to, but it’s like a kid on Christmas Eve… A kid with a ton of work that is haha!

  3. Feeling very much the same, Suzie, with only 6 weeks to go too (yes, I took the plunge and resigned in March.) Saving every penny because, I like you, live by the seat of my pants and I’m convinced things will work out in due course despite having nothing lined up yet for September and a seven year old to keep into the bargain. However, long term goal is as the meme at the top of your post says: My goal *is* to create a life I don’t need a vacation from. Unfortunately I still won’t be able to take my holidays in September as of course I can’t take the little one out of school, but I’m too busy looking ahead to the days of more freedom and less stress as just part of life rather than during school holidays. After the reports are written of course!
    Oh and well done to your friend. She sounds incredible!

  4. I’m sorry you have had a bad week. It’s almost over now and I like that you are just taking it an hour at a time. It will be well worth the struggle in September and this week will be long forgotten. We missed you!

  5. The challenges suck, no doubt. Being a fan of the Doctor (and all other manner of timey-wimey stories), the time machine seems ideal. But remember the challenge is what builds that person you’ll be in six weeks, six months, or six years.
    The breaking down of muscles to failure and the stress of a hard push at the gym until I’m weary is what makes me stronger and more energetic than I’ve felt before.
    Saving up an emergency fund and knocking out debt here and there gives me hope that–even though emergencies (and some bad decisions on my part) wiped out the fund–I can get to a state of financial stability.
    Finishing a manuscript for NaNoWriMo SUCKED when my wife and friends were having fun instead of typing furiously. But it proved to me that yes I can finish a decent draft. And that drove me to finish the project I loved. The fantasy novel I’ve worked on for years is done with its first draft, too.
    I’m cheering you on. This too shall pass, and you shall overcome. And yes, that time on the beach will be glorious. πŸ™‚

    • Ah, everything in my life usually comes back to The Doctor. I’m surrounded by huge Doctor Who fans, even though I’m reeeeeeeeally not a fan myself, so I got the wibbly wobbly timey wimey reference. Surprised there was no mention of fish fingers and custard in there too haha! Love your positive outlook on things – I need to keep doing that myself and it will all be worth it in the end!

  6. Hang in there Suzie! This too shall pass, and you’ll be on a beautiful beach with a whole new life to look forward to. You are a brave lady, going after what you want rather than settling for what is ‘easier’.
    Kat x

  7. I love how you’ve managed to put a positive spin on to what sounds like a hellish week. I really admire what you’re doing with regards to your job, and I hope that soon I’ll have the guts to do the same! Your friend sounds like a great inspiration to you, and you’re being a great inspiration to others – all the stress and worry will be worth it once you’re closer to living the life you want to lead. Change always hurts but its rarely ever the wrong thing to do x

    • Thanks very much Andrea! I’m really lucky to have strong and inspiring women to look up to – Ive seen a number of them go through huge changes in recent years and they have shown me that if they can do it, so can I! Hope you get the chance to change your life – keep me posted on how you’re doing!

    • Change is like u say, rarely a wrong thing. But unfortunately it is often scary as heck.
      I can relate to you conversations because change has been a daily experience for me since a physical injury that never quite healed right and has resulted in major lifestyle changes, all not my choice.
      Anyway, inspiring discussion here. Glad to have found it

  8. I’ve previously read some of your posts. I’ve been through this phase of career change and new beginnings many times in my life. Mostly due to unavoidable circumstances but once it was deliberate. Hope it all turns out to be great for you.

      • Suzie, this is a very delayed reply to your post but I’ll answer it. I somehow missed your comments and saw them now.

        The deliberate change was my decision not to continue to be a teacher. I had nothing against it, I still loved my originally conceived glorified idea of it being a noble profession but I had come back to it after many years. In my current circumstances and country of residence, having experienced many other office environments, it seemed I had left teaching for too long. I felt bad about my final goodbye to teaching but it happened.

      • Thanks! I know that a few of my colleagues have mentioned me returning to classroom teaching in the future, but I can categorically tell them that it’s not going to happen unless I desperately have to… I will keep in mind the timescale though!

      • Life’s twists and turns never go as planned so keep your mind open. But right now, you should do what your heart says. Try out new paths. In all probability you will carve out another great career while still using at least some of the skills learnt during your teaching job.

  9. We’ve decided we’re leaving in a year. I also wish time would speed up to 6 months from now so we could start applying for positions and all of that lovely stuff. But I have all of these things to take care of, mainly medical bills, that I really want to clear out first…. It takes a lot of courage to not just accept how things are and remain stagnant but safe. Kudos to you my dear for moving forward!

    • GOOD FOR YOU!!!! Just to be clear, I’m not shouting here, but I know how unhappy you have been and I’m so pleased you made the decision. Are you going to stay in the profession or are you planning on leaving?

      • I know it sound cheesy as hell (coming from a Southern woman especially, we all have “callings.”) but I feel like I’m supposed to teach. Maybe that’ll change I mean, nothing is forever, but I am going to apply for a new teaching job next year. If I don’t get one and Ryan does, I’m going to try that stay at home mum thing- I can make sensory bottle and house work and hopefully not go completely mad… I’ve worked my whole adult life, I’m not sure how I’d do being at home… Either way, we’re moving somewhere else. The end, artists in a garret or teacher at 3 different schools, or hell, I can go back to the grocery store if need be! We just have to leave. Have to.

        I am glad you understand though, really. Your decision to leave a “safe” “sure thing” has really inspired me to decide to do this too. Even if neither of us go out there and completely change our prospers etc., it’s nice to know I’m not alone in this life change!!

      • I can totally relate. Teaching is not a vocation for me, I don’t feel like I was born to do it, but I want to work and have done since I was 16. I have the same thoughts – I have to leave and I’ll go anywhere if I have to. Of course, you have far more responsibilities than I do. I’m so honoured that you felt inspired!

      • Bah, I doubt is is any less scary for you than it is for me, more or less responsibilities or not! I mean wherever we move, I’ll have to look for excellent endocrinologists so there’s that but- as you say, it’s time to go!! It’s amazing how even through this medium of blogging how a simple post can make people think and do things they may not have otherwise done. I’ve said for years I’d leave and my friends all support this but they all have no trouble finding work or in a profession that’s perfect. Then there’s teaching. Everyone is afraid to quit because, there are just not that many positions and… You get me. But you’re and experienced educator, you have similar risks embarking into a new field of work! You understand as it where. So I just was like, Suzie can do this, she is, why can’t I? So yeah, you inspired me a bunch πŸ˜€ like I said, even if we end up doing something less than stellar, we moved forward and damn, doesn’t that feel good!

  10. Hang in there, Suzie. Your rewards will come. It wouldn’t be worth it if there was no struggle to it at all, right? You got this! ❀ I made it through 6 weeks of Basic Training for the Air Force (long ago, but still was hard as hell) so you can do this with your eyes closed. πŸ˜‰

  11. Hopefully the six weeks fly by! I know how awful insomnia is, as I don’t sleep if not medicated…but hopefully yours will ease when you can be finished with this job. I hate that for you. I’m trying to leave my job as well, and my hometown. I quit Ph.D. school and moved back here five years ago. My dad had just died right before the semester started and my mom had never lived alone. My ex started to be a douche about custody so I just moved back and I’ve been stuck ever since. This summer, though, I’ve applied to 2 jobs I really want, and 2 jobs that would be huge steps up from where I’m at but they are back up plans and “foot in the door” positions. I’m looking to move to a bigger city which would actually put me closer to my ex and easier for getting our son back and forth but the potential to have stuff to do is so exciting. My town now has more cows than people. That was very long winded but what I’m trying to say is that now that I know the end is near on my job, it has made each day just that more long and irritating. I feel for you for sure!

  12. I can feel your frustration, Suzie. I don’t want to give false optimism, but I think you’re due for some easier times so I hope they come your way and soon.
    Wishing Daisy (who didn’t mean to be a dream killer, poor little mite) a full and speedy recovery…and you’ll be belting out ABBA songs in Greece soon, hopefully!
    All the best. πŸ™‚

    • Haha! ABBA – now there’s an idea… I haven’t listened to ABBA in ages! Thanks my lovely – Daisy is doing great, she had her little check up this morning and she’s healed nicely… She may be a dream killer, but she’s a cute one!

      • Many dream killers are. So glad she’s doing better. πŸ™‚
        If you have a Mama Mia moment in Greece we hope you film and share it. πŸ™‚
        Hope this week treats you better. πŸ™‚

  13. Try this, Suzie: One day at a time for the six weeks of aggravating stuff you must get through. You’ll count each day marked off your calendar as a success. Long term dreaming and planning for your future because there are great possibilities. You’ve got much to look forward to and can enjoy the journey. Next year you’ll be grateful for all that you’ve accomplished and all you’re creating in your new life.

    • As always Sharon, you’re the voice of reason. I’m going to continue to cross each day off, and this time in six weeks we can have a virtual glass of champagne to celebrate! Thanks…

  14. Isn’t it interesting how life unfolds?
    Can intimately relate to many things in your post
    It’s a precious, poignant pivot time you are in- savor the days as you can
    I find paying wide-eyed attention to my surroundings before an impending change supports a “good ending”, in whatever sense that might make to you.
    Wishing you & yours well

  15. Glad to her Daisy is alright after her surgery. Don’t forget to come up for air every now and then in the next few weeks. I can certainly relate to your friend’s situation and to your anxiety. Hugs!

  16. So glad your friend is getting on well now. And it sounds like she has inspired you to know that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Weeks can seem like an eternity when you want it be now. You will get there. So glad your cat is doing better. Pets can get expensive and take a bite out of your finances, but they are family too and need our love and care. Prayers sent for you and the Bloke to be patient and be able to make your trip. It sounds lovely. I know I would like to get away for a day or two when all of our calves are finally here safe and sound. Take care. ❀ πŸ™‚

      • We have had eight calves, but the last two died. That was kind of hard. They were our first casualties in the five years we have raised cattle. Four more to come. We are really praying for healthy births. You have a great weekend. πŸ™‚

  17. You’ll get there!! I felt similarly when I was in the run up to leaving my last UK school; however, now I’m nearly at the end of my fourth year teaching in China, and still loving it! I’m also counting down the days until summer though (2 weeks! Sorry! But I’m back at work on 17th August) because this semester is 16 weeks long with no half term break because it was cancelled! One of the downsides of teaching in China is that holidays can move or be cancelled with very little notice. Everyone is very tired, staff and kids alike, and it’s starting to show, especially as we’ve just had SATs plus other end of year assessments plus reports to write. But the final countdown is on and I have an epic trip planned for the summer (as long as my visa comes through ok!).
    Anyway, you will get there! You’ve come this far already!

    • That sounds absolutely amazing and yet so challenging at the same time! Is it true that Chinese students do as they’re told and work hard without complaining? It’s a stereotype I know but any Chinese exchange students Ive worked with have had a completely different work ethic….

      • It was and is both of those things! Some Chinese students do, but some don’t, like with any children! Sometimes you get children that act like little emperors as they’re king of the roost at home and think they can do the same at school (due to the one child policy – although that’s starting to change now and a lot of the kids I teach have siblings).

      • That’s really interesting! Our school has just formed links with a school in China and we had some exchange students from there recently. They were so much more polite and respectful than ours!

      • Generally, they are better behaved, but you still get some behaviour and SEN issues now and then – next year I’ll have a student in my class who’s autistic, but at least we now have a SENCo -the first 2 years I was here we didn’t!

      • Well it depended on what each child needed. I’ve worked with quite a lot of kids in the UK with SEN or EBD so I already knew how best to work with the children I had in my class. Another teacher had an autistic child in her class (in fact, the same child I’m having next year) and she went on an SEN course in her home country over the summer holidays to better learn what works best with children like him. I also used behaviour charts and suchlike, and various reward schemes using the school house point system. We got by!

  18. So sorry about your kitty, and the money suck. We have been there too, but when you love a pet…
    You have worked hard on your decision to leave work and that will make the rewards even sweeter when they arrive, Try to enjoy the next 6 weeks, you might actually miss them when they are over!

    • Thanks my lovely – it hurt to pay the vets bill but just a few days later she’s feeling totally fine and munching away at her food like nothing happened, so it was all worth it! I’ve started referring to her as my little gummy bear…

  19. I hope your cat gets well soon…as for you, please refer to my post titled I don’t care what happens to other humans haha. Only kidding, I’ve actually used the time machine to go ahead 6.5 weeks and things are frickin awesome there! I had to come back because I was worried I left the hair straighteners switched on!

  20. So sorry to hear your week was so bad – I do hope things are looking up this week πŸ™‚ I love that you were able to take something positive from it and keep looking forward – time will pass, it always does. As for my week, I finished my edit on my second book and sent it to my editor, so that was very positive. However, I’m also booked in to have surgery quite soon, not so positive – I would like a time machine to take me past that please! I hope the next six weeks go well and that things end on a high note for you – good luck with it all xx

  21. Hello, This is my first time here. Really enjoyed your honest blog post. Just wanted to say, I have been in your position and somehow, don’t know how, you just manage with whatever income is coming into the house. The stress in education in the UK right now isn’t worth the hassle. You will survive! Good luck.

    • Thanks so much Gilly, really appreciate you taking the time to comment… I totally agree – we aren’t rich but we’ll manage! You’re right, the stress isn’t worth it… What did you do when you got out of the profession?

  22. I absolutely get where you’re coming from. I feel like we have the same personality type and for me, leaving my full time teaching position was a political play against me, although some of my other coworkers were also swept away for the same reasons.

    The last 6 weeks were survival mode to me. So close to the end, but at the same time I couldn’t do much yet as my mind wasn’t ready to be doing all the work necessary to look for work outside of education. We ended the last week of May and now I’m taking June off before seeing my career coach to rewrite my CV (resume, etc.) in July.

    Set backs keep happening, but for me, this period of time has been a lesson of pulling whatever positivity I can from the situation. So far, my set backs are teaching me to take baby steps and also pushing me explore instead of going back to the familiar. The best part is that you prepared yourself financially for it. I skimped and saved also which put me in a rather secure position financially even though I absolutely don’t feel secure.

    Good luck!

    • Thank you so much Michelle. When I originally decided to quit I wasn’t sure whether to write about it on the blog, and I’m so glad I did… You wouldn’t believe how many people, yourself included, are going through similar things and it’s been amazing to find so much support out there! I can totally relate to survival mode – congratulations on getting through it and being able to explore other options. Keep me posted on how you are getting on!

      • I really appreciate the fact that you wrote about your decision. When I was reading it, I hadn’t realized that you were based in the UK. All the issues you brought up were ones that contributed to my loss of motivation in education. It’s very interesting that we are encountering the same pressures and stresses even though I’m in California. I believe if I wasn’t targeted by my administrator, I might have stuck it out for a few more years before wondering about what the other professions were like.

        I don’t know about the UK, but I can apply for unemployment which will last for 6 months after my last check at the end of July. So that will buy me some time.

        I think it’s great that you keep updating on your progress. I’m rooting for you!

  23. I’m glad Daisy ‘The Dream Killer’ (haha!) is ok. I think it’s lovely that even though all of this is going on you still keep your blog going and share everything with us. Holidays when kids are in school are fantastic and you couldn’t have picked a better place to relax I reckon. One day at a time. One hour at a time even xx

    • Absolutely! I was able to cross something else on my list today and I’m beginning to feel a little more confident about it all.

      Daisy is doing well, happily chomping away on her breakfast bless her!

  24. Great blog – life seems to be like that when you least need it!! I love a quote from Einstein that somehow feels better in French, which literally translates back as ‘Life is like riding a bike – you have to keep moving forward or you lose balance’- sometimes it’s harder than others but keep focused on the holiday – it will keep you going πŸ˜€

  25. Being a ‘planner’ has its disadvantages too. It makes one less prepared to handle shifts in the cosmos and life in general. If you remember that life is a current–sometimes moving you swiftly toward a desired goal, other times throwing you into a tributary and in entirely the wrong direction– you just have to decide is it worth it to struggle against the tide to get back to where you were going…or might it not be easier to pick a new destination and let what may come, come. How’s that for a wishy washy bit of advice? Best of luck in the next six months. (Said she who has just survived her own times of trial and tribulation.)

    • Thanks so much! I’m trying to look at it from the perspective that something being hard work will be totally worth it when it I have achieved it! Do you mind me asking, what have been your trials and tribulations?

  26. I too have had a similar experience of stepping forward then having to step back even more. I recently lost a dear friend and full-time client of mine. I had money saved for a trip to see the redwood forest, but this month will have drained all of it (paying off college loans+rent). I am now faced with finding a quick job or moving back in with my mother and grandmother. I don’t know where I am going to end up, but I can prepare and try for the direction of my choosing. I have a few interviews this week so hopefully my trip is still possible for this year.

    I hope all goes well for you, and I’ll check back to see if I can learn from your next post ^_^.

      • My passion is helping others, media and communications, art and video editing. I live in a smaller town known as the Cereal city and work feels limited here. My mother’s house is an option lol, but me turning 28 this yr. feels weird to have to move back in. I tend to lose myself in helping others that I get burned out and have nothing left for myself and my passions. lol I guess I’m looking for balance and routine. I will work on this as well :). Its interesting how talking things out can steer you towards clearer thinking. lol thank you :D.

      • That’s why I love blogging so much – the conversations that start because of it often put things into perspective… I can totally see she you’re coming from about moving back in with your family – I have a great relationship with my own but wouldn’t want to live with them! I think it’s great that you want to help others, it’s a shame that there aren’t more like you, but it’s important not to burn yourself out in the process. You have to look aft yourself too!

  27. Well like you said count each day as a victory. When I have to countdown to things I want to be over, I usually tell my self I have less time to go than where I started. Each day is a step forward. Good luck!

  28. You can do it Suzi! Something bad unexpected things happen, but in the same way, super awesome unexpected things can happen as well! I’m sure something great will be coming you way soon!

  29. You seem to have a very positive attitude about things and I can relate. Not sure of your religious views but I always tell myself if you want to make God laugh just tell him your plans. I’ve been planning my life since I was a teen and nothing went as planned but the trials I endured paved the way for where I am at today. Know that things may not always go as we expect them to but sometimes the greatest moments are in the unplanned moments. I know they make for great memories and pictures. I had been very fortunate to have the life I have today because of delays but it does get easier. Just continue to take it one day at a time and keep yourself driven. You seem to be on the right path.
    As for as your friend she seems to be in a great space. I walked in her shoes but God brought me through stronger than what I entered in. Keep going and everything will work out according to his plan.

    • Thanks very much Martha! I don’t have a faith in a god, but I do believe that others are allowed to. I totally agree about the greatest moments being the unplanned ones – some of my spontaneous decisions have turned out to be my favourites! Thanks so much for your comment!

  30. I guess it’s about hanging in there and in six weeks you will be able to look back and feel better about it. As you mentioned with telling the story of your friend. We sort of put down roots in whatever we do and changes are always upsetting. I would actually go as far as saying I very much dislike changes as they are usually uncomfortable and a hassle. But they lead to better things. So hang in there. Focus on that beach and keep moving forward. All the best πŸ™‚

  31. “Chopf abe und dΓΌre” I would say, which means “put your head down and just go through” πŸ˜‰ If you look way too much ahead of you, you’ll get frustrated. Do what needs to be done today now. Everything else can wait for tomorrow or later, and that way, work yourself through the amount of work. Always knowing that yes, it’ll be over in a few weeks, and yes, you’ll be sitting at the beach relaxing πŸ™‚ Have you ever tried breathing meditation? When you’re the most stressed out it actually helps the most – it calms you down and gives you energy. Good luck with you! You’ll manage πŸ™‚

  32. How is it going Suzie? I read this post way back and commented on Community Pool. Only just spotted your reply. As I said, I changed career a year ago. Handed in my notice as network manager in a busy school without a plan other than to discover something I really enjoy. After six months of volunteering (a luxury I could afford) I got a new job working in a charity supporting other charities in the local area. Through volunteering, I was able to discover what I enjoyed, try some new things and be much more focussed about which jobs to apply for. I haven’t looked back. I did some blogging about my journey over on my site, starting about here https://helensaying.wordpress.com/2014/05/22/perhaps-this-is-not-the-right-job/

    Well as I said, I wish you well on your journey and will keep a look out for what you get up to.

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