Waiting…

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imageI’m feeling really anxious today, but can’t put my finger on the reason why. I’ve been awake since 5.00am, and since then I haven’t been able to shake the feeling that I should be doing something. I’ve been for a run, I’ve continued in yesterday’s house blitz and I’ve bought something nice for dinner later. However, it hasn’t helped.

It’s been an odd time – the students now know that I’m going, I’ve taught my last ever lesson as a classroom teacher, my final coursework folder is almost finished, my data is complete and from tomorrow I have just three days of activities with my form left in the academic year. I’ve shredded years of paperwork, tidied cupboards and organised folders, and all I have left to do is hand in my laptop, iPad and keys and then I’m done. I expected to be feeling ecstatic by this point, but while I haven’t regretted my decision for a second, I’ve been surprised by the lack of any emotion I am yet to experience about anything – my brain seems to have gone into autopilot in an effort to just get through it rather than to enjoy my last few days. Another member of staff, who is also leaving, told me how strange it was to have her replacement with her in the department as she underwent an induction, but I haven’t been replaced so haven’t had to deal with new faces or handovers. I even have several nice things to look forward to before the week is over (which I’ll update you with later) and after months of waiting the light at the end of the tunnel is so bright I need to put my shades on…

I’m going to continue in my efforts to be busy today and hope that this feeling subsides a little…

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56 thoughts on “Waiting…”

  1. It’s a big adjustment Suzie and you are probably still processing it all. In fact, it will probably be when you are actually finished that it might hit you.
    I understand the anxiety, it’s totally normal. Just be gentle on yourself and cut yourself some slack, whatever it is you end up feeling. Change is always a challenge, even when we want it.
    Hugs x

  2. It’s a big decision and even though its right I figure it’s normal to feel like this. I left my job to go back to college last year and though I’ve enjoyed it immensely and don’t regret it, the euphoria I expected never really arrived, I think I was too busy making the leap from the safe to the new which can be stressful but it’s completely worth it. It’ll be fine….and well done.

    • Thanks so much Clare – Please forgive my late reply – Ive just found a whole bunch of comments in my spam folder! I’m still waiting for the euphoria myself, so I’m hoping that I will experience just a little bit of it at some point! Congrats on taking such a bold step!

    • Thanks so much Hollie! I finished on Friday and I have started to calm down a bit now and get a little more organised. I think it’s going to take a little while though! Please forgive the late reply – Ive just found a whole bunch of comments in my spam folder!

  4. Hey Suzie,

    I totally understand what you’re going through, I did the same just a few months ago. Packed up a teaching job to pursue other passions, so I know how weird it can feel.

    What was your reason for leaving? Do you have other plans?x

    • Thanks so much Thea, Please forgive my late reply – Ive just found a whole bunch of comments in my spam folder! It all got a bit too much and it was making me ill. Congrats on your decision too – what have you decided to do instead?

  5. When you feel an anxious thought coming, please try this: watch it but don’t judge it. Allow it to be there. Watch the turbulence inside you and then feel it dissipate. This way, you are breaking the link between your thoughts and emotions and are creating inner space. You are surrounded by all the love and help you need. Always. Namaste.

  6. Before I retired I worked on contracts for more decades than you’ve been alive Suzie – what you’re feeling is normal – a kind of ‘uncertain pending’.
    Once the last day is done and dusted – give it a few more days before any other feelings (usually panic – but don’t!) and nostalgia set in 😀

    • Thanks so much Chris! You were right, it was definitely due to the uncertainty of everything, even though Ive got freelance work lined up in September… I finished on Friday and am feeling a bit better now, Im slowly beginning to calm down. Please forgive my late reply – I just found a whole bunch of comments in my spam folder!

      • LOL I have to check miy Spam folder as well for that reason 😀
        Time sorts out your emotions – but lots of walks, fresh air (in Birmingham?) and patience will help to stabilise you 😀

      • I’m starting my training for a half marathon in October so plenty of outdoors stuff lined up! I live next door to a beautiful park so it’s not too bad!

        It’s so frustrating isn’t it – I don’t want people to think that I’m not interested in what they have to say, that’s my favourite bit! Thanks for understanding Chris!

  7. Sometimes it takes us a while to process great change. Give it time and one day soon it will hit you! In the meantime, hope you have a lovely final three days xx

  8. Perhaps you are experiencing anticipation, like the feeling you get right before you start a race. Your mind is just preparing for the next leg of the ‘race’ in your life. It all seems very exciting!!!!

    • Thanks Vincent! I am now finished, so the anxiety is a little less. Please forgive my late reply – I found a whole bunch of comments in my spam folder…

  11. Maybe what you are feeling is the disconnection of that part of your life (teaching) that guided you for so long. It is always hard to start something new. It will pass and you will find a new purpose. I know you will. ❤

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