If you missed Part One:  You’re on your own! I can’t do everything! Let’s continue, shall we?

7)  The Drunk Frat Boy From Boston Who Blew Chunks All Over His Girlfriend.  Please, sir, don’t ever change. Fat, drunk and stupid at five in the evening may not be any way to go through life… but it’s a joy to behold. And so I thank you.

8)  The Two Police Officers Who Didn’t Arrest Me.  I was walking through the hotel’s main lobby when the smell of a particular type of pizza emanating from our lobby cafe caught my attention. I passed a colleague and I innocently remarked, “Do you smell bacon? Because I smell bacon!”

My colleague just looked at me with a terrified look, the kind of look I imagine a Kardashian gets when they’re asked to open a book. At any rate, I turned around, and wouldn’t…