A single post on Facebook shared by a friend yesterday has meant that I’ve had a very unusual day.
I discovered the filtered messages on Facebook Messenger (for those of you who are unsure about this, I’ll do a post later).
Intrigued, I followed the instructions, and discovered a whole plethora of messages, mainly group conversations about organising events that I hadn’t attended. Oops.
And then, there was a message from a name that made my heart sink, that had been sent two years ago.
‘Saw your beautiful blog – hope you will accept my fb friend request X’
I had seen her friend request several years ago, and immediately declined it at the time. This was a girl from university that I wasn’t particularly keen on. We spent a lot of time together, but we were more friends by association – we were very different people individually, but we had a couple of mutual friends that we cared about, and I think we put up with each other’s company because neither of us wanted to miss out.
The last few years of university were not a good time for me, mainly due to the sociopath that I became involved in a relationship with. However, it was also at this point that this girl started to make it more and more obvious that she utterly disliked me and started repeatedly throwing some rather mean girl behaviour in my direction, and I was left feeling hurt and confused at what I had done to deserve the treatment I received from her. I wasn’t strong enough in my early twenties to truly confront her about it (although the thirty-four year-old version of myself would have no problem in doing so) and after graduation I never spoke to her again. In fact, I never spoke to any of them – I was still with the ex at the time and desperately trying to find a way to get out, so I was dealing with enough drama in my life at that point.
I must admit, seeing her message initially gave me mixed feelings. I wasn’t sure that I had anything to say to her, but a little part of me was slightly intrigued to find out why she had messaged me in the first place. I replied:
‘You’re probably not going to believe this, but I’ve only just found your message as I discovered the filtered messages on Facebook Messenger. Hope you’re doing ok – must admit I was a bit surprised you wanted to add me?’
It didn’t take long for her to respond, and what followed was an intensely heartfelt apology from her, and a rather deep and meaningful conversation about what had caused her to behave towards me in the way she had (the psycho ex had a lot to do with it rather than anything I had specifically or intentionally done). We then discussed what we went through while we were at university that neither of us really knew about.
It was enlightening and therapeutic, but in a way it made me rather sad. It turns out, we weren’t so different after all – we were going through very similar experiences in our personal lives, and if we had only taken the time to sit down and actually talk, we could have provided each other with more support than any of the friends we so desperately craved attention from, as we would have understood how the other was feeling. Even talking today, we had similar views on how we felt about the subject we studied, and we’ve ended up doing fairly similar jobs. More importantly, we’re now both in good places, and while we’ll probably not have another conversation again, I was grateful that we’d been able to resolve something, even if it bears no impact on our everyday lives.
Yet again, another reminder to walk in someone else’s shoes before making a judgment… Things are typically never as they initially appear.
What about you guys? Have you ever reconnected with someone from your past, only to discover things about them from a different perspective?
You can also find me on Twitter and Tumblr @suzie81blog and don’t forget to like check out my Facebook page http://www.facebook.com/suzie81speaks, my Pinterest page http://www.pinterest.com/suzie81speaks and my Instagram page http://www.instagram.com/suzie81speaks