‘What I Shoped’ – Unusual (and Baffling) Search Engine Terms

imageSEO, or Search Engine Optimisation, is a big thing in the blogging world, and I’ve read a number of posts about how to use it to increase traffic to the blog. Over the last few years I have started to get a large amount of referrals from search engines, and I love seeing the sorts of things that people have typed in and stumbled across my blog as a result.

Some, I can explain, because I know that a few of my posts are on the first page of Google. For my post ‘23 Things You Should Do Before You’re 23,‘ which still remains as one of my most popular, I often receive things like ‘things to do before 23,’ or ‘What should I do before my 23rd?’. For ‘Nine Things That We Don’t Owe Anyone,’ I get terms like ‘I don’t owe you,’ or ‘things I shouldn’t owe people.’ Recently, with the ‘Trigglypuff‘ saga taking the internet by storm, I have received lots of terms with Trigglypuff mentioned.

However, it’s becoming more frequent that I am finding sentences that make me wonder what on earth I have been writing over the last three years. I’ve always considered this blog to be at a PG rating, with only one or two references made to adult content. However, it’s clear that a large amount of my search terms are focused on these references, so at this point I’d like to warn you that the content of the rest of this post may get a little rude… You may wish to read some of it peeking out through your fingers. Or avoid eating…

I seem to attract certain types of readers:

The Anatomists

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I can’t say I’ve ever studied the fingertips of the honey badger – from all accounts it should only be attempted if you want your face to be ripped off…

The Foodies

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I like ice-cream. However, when I eat it there is nothing sexy about it – I end up with more on my face and down my clothes than anything else. The Bloke keeps telling me that he’s going to buy me a bib.

The Angry Students

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I’m sure my students must have been the ones typing these in…

The Biologists

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I don’t even know where to begin with these… I haven’t ever written about sex, and after these search terms I’m certainly not going to – can you imagine what else would appear???

The Perverts

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Eww.

The Confused

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I’m sure that there are plenty of photographs that my friends feel I have to apologise for…

The Underwear Enthusiasts

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The disturbing thing is, the dirty panty term is just one of many that I receive on a weekly basis. I’ve also never been swimming in a g string. However, ‘The G Strings’ was the unofficial name of my first string quartet. We didn’t tell clients that – I don’t think it would have looked very good in the programme…

The ones that I cannot explain whatsoever

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There isn’t a meme needed – just a swift ‘see ya later’ and a deleting of him from your life would suffice, my dear…

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Very occasionally, I’ll find one that makes my jaw drop…

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(You can see that it has been searched for three times… I smell a court case)

And finally, I’ll get one that makes me genuinely laugh out loud…

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Couldn’t have put it better myself!

What about you guys? What have been the best search terms you have received recently?

You can find me on Twitter and Tumblr @suzie81blog, and don’t forget to check out my Facebook page http://www.facebook.com/suzie81speaks, my Pinterest page http://www.pinterest.com/suzie81speaks and my Instagram page http://www.instagram.com/suzie81speaks

59 thoughts on “‘What I Shoped’ – Unusual (and Baffling) Search Engine Terms

  1. Pingback: β€˜What I Shoped’ – Unusual (and Baffling) Search Engine Terms | suzie81speaks | Echo Chamber Uncut

  2. I just love search terms and do a regular roundup of the weirdest. I did get one that said, if I remember correctly, “sempr sempr sex.” I’m still trying to figure out what that means. Is it Latin, meaning always? Probably not, but what do you suppose they were reaching for?

    I’ve never been able to bend my writing far enough to play the SEO game well. I do get a fair number of hits on “Why Great Britain Is Called Great Britain,” but that was accidental, your hono(u)r. I wrote it because it interested me. When I think about writing with SEO in mind, though, some cantakerous part of me rises up and says, “Oh, who cares” (actually, what it say isn’t G rated, so in deference to your blog I’ve toned it down) and I end up writing what I want. I suspect I’d pretty much love my sense of humor, and with it my voice, if I ignored that part of myself.

    I hope you’ll forgive a moment of self-promotion here (delete the link if you won’t). This is my most recent search term post: https://notesfromtheuk.com/2016/03/04/how-people-find-a-blog-part-2-or-3/.

    • I know! I know that most people have some sort of thing that they’re into, but I haven’t included some of the most disgusting stuff as i found it quite disturbing… I haven’t written about anything like that so I’ve no idea how on earth they found the blog with those sorts of terms!

  3. How strange people are. The worst I have gotten so far is “cute asses” and “lads that were fat but aren’t now”.
    Feet that taste good, what the heck?

  4. Absolutely hilarious post with some seriously disturbing search terms. You made me go look at my own list of search terms — and the most disturbing ones are the search for “pale feet” and “my sister in laws feet” (perhaps because I know they found a picture of them, well, the pale feet, not anyone’s sister-in-law’s feet). Or maybe the search term “i have sucummed thee.” I can only imagine they found my post about getting sick titled “I have succumbed.” Evidenced by your own site’s “shoped” search term, spelling is an issue always, sometimes frighteningly so. Thanks for the smiles this morning. Great job!

    • Thanks very much Sara! It’s always quite disturbing when I see the amount of people finding my blog after typing in something about what feet taste like… I’ve never written about feet at all!

  5. Wow, this is absolutely astounding, and quite disgusting. I’m pretty sure that most of the more “colorful” search terms came from perverted teenagers…

    I’ve yet to look into my search terms and I really should do that because you’ve piqued my curiosity now. Having said that, I think a majority of my followers come from people that see my comments on other blogs.

  6. These are just hilarious!
    ‘Feng shui…how to make an upstairs neighbour move’ πŸ˜‚
    The only strange one I have is (and it’s not even that strange)
    ‘Massage with a happy ending’. And no they didn’t find what they were looking for!

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