It’s been a bit of a mixed week. I’ve been able to get myself and the house a little more organised in preparation for Christmas, I was in full Blogmas mode and I had plans for various different things to do that would be something to look forward to.
Unfortunately, I’ve also had to deal with a fair bit of negativity, ear bashing and downright rudeness from various areas of my life, and it really killed my blogging buzz. Hence, instead of blogging daily, as was my intention, I took more of a backseat and did more social media promo than writing until I had calmed down a bit – I never quite trust my own ability to censor myself when I’m cross.
A rather nasty comment I received the other night didn’t help.
I finally got my hair cut and had gone to the pub with my friend and her fiancé – we had ended up walking to another area in the city in the pouring rain as all of the pubs and bars in the city centre were packed and as a result my shoes and feet were soaked through. I was really uncomfortable for most of the afternoon, but we ordered food, I felt really good about myself as I had nice make-up on and a new hair do and had a nice time. Later on, as the pub was getting busy, I decided to go home, so I went and stood in the doorway to ring a taxi.
I started talking to a really nice bloke who was outside having a cigarette – I picked up on the fact that he had a slightly northern accent and we talked about how we found it as Northeners living in Birmingham. He high-fived me as he said goodbye and went back inside. Next, a young lad came outside and we got into a conversation about weddings – he should have got married in September but he and his ex split up. He was only 23, and I told him he should enjoy being young and single without worrying about settling down yet, and he agreed. All nice, polite and respectful.
We were then joined by a big group of loud and lairy lads who were obviously his mates. They were all laughing and shouting at him – the usual silly things that young men often say when they’re surrounded by testosterone: ‘aww mate, have you pulled!’ ‘Go on lad, you’re in there!’
One of them then yelled ‘Ah man, it’s like Dublin all over again!’
This was the conversation that followed:
Me: What happened in Dublin?
Him: He pulled this fat munter!
Me: So, you’re saying I’m a fat munter then?
Him: It’s alright love, he likes them wide.
The whole group laughed, but I could see that the lad I was originally talking to was really embarrassed and his face was blushing a bright crimson.
I was gutted. I was minding my own business and in the space of two seconds his words resulted in my confidence hitting the floor.
I wasn’t going to let him get away with that, politely telling him that me and my wide self would be going home to my 6’3″ fiancé, and that he should carry on playing by himself with his diseased little button mushroom and hope that it doesn’t fall off before he meets a woman mad enough to want to go anywhere near him.
It didn’t change the fact that I wanted to cry. My weight is my biggest source of mental and physical discomfort, so this was the worst possible thing that could have been said, and accompanied with the fact that I’ve been a bit disappointed at various points throughout the week, I decided to take a few days to wallow (perhaps an unfortunate phrase to use, considering it brings to mind the image of a muddy hippopotamus) and build myself back up.
I got over myself, I’m feeling better and now have a whole list of posts ready to go for the next week. Crappy behaviour from others reflects their character, not mine… I am more than the words of others.
And I’m going to see RENT this week too!
What about you guys? Do you spend too long thinking about the comments of others?
You can also find me on Twitter and Tumblr @suzie81blog, and don’t forget to check out my Facebook page http://www.facebook.com/suzie81speaks, my Pinterest page http://www.pinterest.com/suzie81speaks and my Instagram page http://www.instagram.com/suzie81speaks.
I’m so sorry that you were upset. 😦 People are so ridiculous. So what if you are not a size 8?! You’re beautiful. I’m glad you’re feeling a bit better now.
Thank you! I do have a plan anyway, but things like this has inspired to push further!
❤ Such a positive way to approach things!! You rock 🙂
I like to think the comments of others don’t affect me but they can do.
I’m sorry you had to hear that. Always remember you’re beautiful ☺
It’s so difficult not to listen to them isn’t it! Thank you!
It is Suzie.
Airways a pleasure… Make sure you and enjoy the run up to Christmas ☺
Words can heal or harm and unfortunately people don’t realise the power they wield when they open their mouths. One of my fav sayings is ‘only with your consent can someone make you feel inferior’ and I try to remember this when someone says something vile. You are beautiful, strong, caring, and funny and no one can take that away from you xxx
Thanks so much Shelley – you’re always the voice of reason!
Oh FUCK THEM Suzie! You’re gorgeous and a rock star who has run a half marathon! Can’t see those c***s doing that! xxx
Hahaha! Thanks Rosie! Ditto!
How rude! One of those losers that has to cut down others to build themselves up. To **** with him. Merry Christmas Suzie!!
Yeah, there’s always that one isn’t there! Thanks John, and merry Christmas to you!
I’m sorry, Suzie. I guess you just have to consider the source. Young guys can be so stupid sometimes.
For me when I was younger it wasn’t so much what people said, but what I thought they were saying. I worried that everyone was looking at me and laughing or critiquing me. In reality, they probably never noticed me at all. It took a long time for me to get past that stage and not care what anyone thinks. Age helped a lot (that and the love of a good husband!).
That’s a huge problem for me too – reading between imaginary lines. It’s been really difficult to get out of that cycle, but I’m gradually turning it around…
Good for you.
As much as I love your reaction to this idiot I can also completely rely on how it didn’t really help you feel better. I think it’s mind buggling how people treat others. The nastiness in their words. As much as we know that we should simply let those mean words drop off it’s not always easy. But they were said by a stranger. A stranger who most likely has huge insecurities otherwise he would never ever be so mean. It has not been said by the one person that really means something to you. Focus on your fiancé and what he thinks of you. It’s all that counts. From what I know from you I believe that you are an amazingly wonderful person.
Thanks so much my lovely! I still don’t understand the things people say and do most of the time, particularly when it comes from a place of nastiness…
Frustrated individuals looking for an outlet and for gaining some kind of “feeling good” by trying to make others feel worse than they do… Nobody who has just a little bit of confidence will ever be able to understand behavior like that… Hope you have a wonderful Christmas xoxo
Thanks so much my lovely – and you!
A teenage boy being smarmy says nothing about you. You’re healthy, Suzie, you’re beautiful. Don’t let the nattering nonsense of little boys get to you. The gang mentality of teenagers encourage them to spout crap they would never say were they alone. They don’t even mean most of what they say, they’re just going for effect with their gang. I’m so sorry they hurt your feelings.
Thanks so much for your kind words my lovely. I felt sorry for their friend that I was talking to – he looked so embarrassed!
Oh, yes, I find myself bristling (or deflating) about comments over areas that bother me. Weight being one of them. But you are right – those comments totally reflect on the person stating them, mulitplied by the a) large group of males effect and b) total amount of alcohol consumed factor. So ignore those comments and let them run off your back like that soaking rain. You are beautiful!
Thanks Angie! Yeah – it’s tough sometimes but I’m a big believer in karma… Hopefully he’ll get to the point where he feels bad about it.
terrible. One day that guy is going to say something like that and find out the woman’s man is right behind him. Eventually all barroom loudmouths end up with a mouth full of knuckles
Haha! Yeah, I hope so!
I don’t generally bother with comments about me but there is one thing I hate with a passion and that’s photographs of me. That’s why I am the one with the camera – I take the photographs and, of course, I am never in them. It works for me..
One of my friends used to take awful pictures of me and post them up on social media until I asked her to stop. I’m the same – I don’t like being on camera half as much as I like taking pictures!
Young men think anything bigger than their little finger is fat ffs, they don’t realise it’s actually their mouths!
Sure you’re gorgeous, you’ve nothing to be worrying about! 🙂
Thanks my lovely! Let’s hope he had a really crappy night!
I was once on a night out in Newcastle with a group of younger friends. As we went in to a bar a group of young lads came out and one said to me ‘Good God, it’s my mother! Aren’t you a bit old for this’. I was about to tell him I would never have spawned such an ugly child as him but my friends quickly pulled me inside before I started a riot. I felt self-conscious for the rest of the night and would rather have just gone home. I was already out of my comfort zone for a start and this just made it worse. I now don’t put myself in places where I feel out of sorts. Don’t worry Lovely, it will turn round and bite him on the ass one day. Those who matter in this World know you for the gorgeous and gifted girl that you are xxx
That’s awful! You look amazing! Thanks so much for your support Deb, I always appreciate it!
Ridiculous. I used to worry about what others said about me and with age (or something) I couldn’t give a monkeys what people think about me. That’s their issue not mine. If it was someone I knew who made comments I would be annoyed yeah but then re-evaluate why I speak to them. If it was a stranger, well who gives a shit? I’ll never see them again and chances are my wish of them falling under a bus might then happen so more fool them! And honestly, I’ve been guilty of making sarky comments about others (we ALL do) too that are maybe not in the best taste so if I give then I’d should take and then my motto is tomorrow’s a new day. Make sense? No? Good
Haha! You always put things into perspective Steve, and you always make me smile!
I definitely let what people think of me influence me too much.
You were super brave to handle it like you did! P.s. I love how you write so much!
Thank you, and thank you! I’m not normally gobby, but he deserved it!
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I’m too old to care. (That’s what I’d love to say but it’s not true. Not all the time. I think we are stung by others but, when it’s something we already feel, that’s really when it gets us. Otherwise it’s easier to ignore.) Happy Holidays, beautiful lady. ❤
I go through phases – sometimes it bothers me, sometimes it doesn’t. It bothered me here, which bothered me that I was bothered haha! All very complicated… Thanks my lovely, and you!
Sometimes I need a dislike button. Humanity really tests my meliorism some days, sigh.
I love that word! Yeah, it was a bit of a brutal week – you were brilliant though! Thanks for your support!
Suzie, some people should be drowned at birth. Perhaps, that’s taking things too far in this instance but when will people start seeing that words can hurt someone perhaps even more than physical violence? Sorry, you had this nasty incident happen and I hope your trip to London and the great performance distracted you.
Thanks my lovely. It bothered me at the time, but the last few days have more than made up for it, and then some!
That’s good. It’s hard to be upbeat all the time but you certainly don’t need a complete stranger being so horrible to you.
Yeah, there’s always a moron isn’t there!
Yes. Yes, I do. That’s why it took so long for me to share my blog with friends and family. I was dreading what they might say. That is, until someone pointed out that what someone else comments says more about them that it does about me. I try to keep that in mind anytime someone’s words dig at me.
I agree with Steve and Sarah. Getting to a place where you could really not care less about what somebody says about you takes a lot of time and effort. You’re young, yet, so I hope you get there eventually, and sooner than later. I also think the relentlessness of the usually anonymous if negative and often a lie or exaggeration if really good posts and comments on social media creates this kind of impersonal, even in person, attitude.
No idea how tall you are, but if you’re anywhere close to the 6’3″ altitude of your boyfriend, you could possibly apply one of dad’s favorite comebacks if someone thought he might be overweight, which he was a bit but only when he got older. “I’m not overweight. I’m undertall.”
I’m getting better at it, but sometimes a comment like that will really floor me when it’s so unexpected… Hopefully I’ll get to that stage where I don’t care haha!