Why Children are Not Invited to Our Wedding

 

Why children aren't allowed at our wedding

It’s six months until my wedding day and while I have a few things still on my list to tackle, the large things are now booked and organised. Most of it (despite some of the horror stories I have heard over the years from friends and articles I have read online) has been an exciting experience. However, one thing that I found difficult was the guest list.

Why?

Because children are not invited to our wedding, including my own niece.

The Bloke and I don’t have children of our own. I have a very small family – mum, two sisters, one sister’s long-term boyfriend, a brother-in-law and a niece, who will be 10 months old on the day of the wedding. The Bloke’s family is considerably larger, but don’t have young children – the youngest are older teenagers, so it wasn’t a family issue to consider. However, my friends have lots of them.

When I initially started planning, I didn’t have many ideas on themes, preferring to spend time looking on Pinterest and in magazines for inspiration. However, one thing that I was absolutely certain of from the beginning was that this would be a child-free event, for a number of reasons:

1. The cost. My friends have about 35 children between them, ranging from newborns to 10 year-olds. Our budget is small and the cost of potentially having to pay for those extra meals would have meant that we couldn’t have afforded other things that we wanted. We would have also exceeded the maximum seating capacity and therefore would have had to un-invite childless friends to accommodate them. I also wasn’t prepared to pay extra for child-friendly entertainment, which would have been necessary as it is unfair to expect a young child to sit still for hours without anything to do.

2. I wanted to be able to spend the day without distractions. Children, quite rightly, are the priority and their needs should take precedence. I didn’t want anyone having to leave early or miss parts of the day because baby Boris needed feeding or putting down for a nap. That is why my niece is not invited – I want my sister and brother-in-law to be able to relax and enjoy the event without having to worry about anything. She will be staying with my brother-in-law’s family, she will be 10 months old and so won’t remember it anyway.

3. I’m actually really fond of some of my friend’s children in particular, but didn’t think it was fair to invite some and not others. A blanket ban across everyone was the only way to make it equal for everybody.

4. I want an adult only atmosphere. I don’t want to have to watch my language, or be aware of how much I’m drinking (I don’t like drinking when I’m around children). I want to dance on the dance floor without worrying that I’m stepping on someone’s offspring.

5. Quite frankly, young children have ruined almost every wedding I’ve ever been to. They have screamed and ran around during the ceremonies, screamed and ran around during the speeches, screamed and ran around during the meal, screamed and ran around on the dancefloor… There’s a lot of screaming and running around, because that is what children do. While some people find this adorable, I don’t. Neither do many others, and even though my niece is so cute I want to squidge her gorgeous little face when she is having a tantrum, I don’t want her (or any other kids) doing that on my wedding day. I also don’t want any little hands raiding the dessert table or knocking over the cupcakes, nor do I want any of them opening doors and setting off fire alarms, vomiting on the DJ booth or urinating in the corner of the room – all of which I have seen happen at weddings I have attended. At least if the adults do that I can send them the bill!

For my friends weddings, I have done exactly as they asked. I have travelled all over the country and spent a fortune on hotels and hen parties, bought the gifts they asked for, helped with decorations and played at their receptions with my string quartet for free, so this is what I am asking in return. I have also taken the stance that there are very few of my friends (there’s four) who are having to travel – most live in the area that we are getting married in (many within walking distance) so haven’t had to pay for hotels and we are lucky in that most have babysitters available. However, I do understand the predicament that some would have, particularly single parents without family or babysitting support and I wouldn’t be offended if anyone chose not to attend.

Thankfully, I haven’t had a single complaint from any of my friends – they have all been understanding and gracious about it and some have even openly welcomed the break.

Ultimately, each wedding is different and it is up to the bride and groom to decide on the event that they want to have. I may change my mind if I have children myself in the future, but for now I’m looking forward to walking down the aisle, marrying The Bloke and having a child-free day of fun, food and dancing the night away!

You can also find me on Twitter and Tumblr @suzie81blog, and don’t forget to follow my Facebook page http://www.facebook.com/suzie81speaks, my Pinterest page http://www.pinterest.com/suzie81speaks and my Instagram page http://www.instagram.com/suzie81speaks

105 thoughts on “Why Children are Not Invited to Our Wedding

  1. I applaud you, Suzie! You have stated exactly how you want your wedding which is brilliant. It’s your and the bloke’s very special day. Anything less than having it the way you want it to be is not fair to either one of you. Cher xo

  2. Its your day and therefore people should respect your wishes – and those that don’t you can do without anyway πŸ™‚ We had a small handful of children at our wedding, close family only but for friends we did make it clear that we were unable to accommodate children – most were glad of a child-free evening away.

    And yes, one of those few children did scream throughout the ceremony and had to be taken outside before I answered my vows with “will you bloody shut that kid up…” πŸ˜€

  3. Kids don’t want to go to weddings. They might think they do, because they’re at that age where they need to be included in everything, but they really don’t. Parents want to take them to weddings sometimes (and want them to be in weddings, but that’s a whole ‘nother thing and don’t even get me started) because they want to see tiny people dressed up fancy and acting like little adults. Which is not what happens, and if that’s really the experience you’re after with your children then I submit that what you actually wanted was a trained monkey. They wear diapers and funny hats and it’s adorable. Human children, on the other hand, spill things on their fancy clothes, get bored, lick furniture, and generally have a bad time while parents helplessly explain, “He’s never like this, I don’t know what’s gotten into him.”

      • Oh my gosh I could make a whole blog post about this…’Your child is prone to expelling bodily fluids at inappropriate times.’ ‘Your child’s obsession with Peppa Pig makes me worry about its intellectual capacity to sit through a 30 minute ceremony’

  4. We did the same thing – our reception was in the evening, it was sit down dinner with plenty of alcohol ;-D and we felt it should be an adult only event. Only had one friend I needed to explain it to, and she was fine once I did. It is your day, and should be exactly how you want it to be πŸ™‚ xx

  5. Great post… you’ve articulated the reasons we’re not having any at ours either πŸ˜‰ Unfortunately not everyone understands why you don’t want children to be at the front and centre of everything!

  6. I was 6 months pregnant for my own wedding and STILL wanted no kids! Sadly for me my husband’s family didnt respect my wishes and kids somehow ended up there anyways…. it all turned out okay in the end. But I agree, weddings are expensive and also are not something most small children have the attention span to sit through!

      • Yes it was deliberate. My husband’s family is Mexican so there is a cultural disconnect. Our wedding was about $100pp+ and I felt it was too expensive to have kids when the event wasn’t going to be as meaningful to them. They feel weddings are for everyone and it’s a family thing. They pushed back enough that I said okay, we can have kids at the ceremony but not at the reception because I’m not paying $100 per kid for fancy chicken nuggets. We got married at a hotel, so the rule was kids go have a pizza party in the room for dinner while adults enjoy the reception. Well, the parents ignored me, no one got a baby sitter or pizza and the kids ended up staying. I didn’t have a table for them or anything. Luckily I had about 8-10 no shows for the wedding (also annoying) but it worked out that I had already paid for those guests so the kids just took their place. So, it all ended up working out. Part of the reason I made the rule was because I have friends who have combined families with 5-7 kids after divorce and remarriage. I don’t know the kids at all and I didn’t want it to be an opportunity for people to come have a nice dinner on me! So I think because I discouraged kids, the vast majority of people still got sitters and it was a date night for them.

  7. You’re doing the right thing! We didn’t have children at our wedding and it made things so much easier. I’ve photographed weddings before where the couple already have a child, and its running rings around them as they’re saying their vows. This isn’t sweet, or adorable, its bloody annoying, especially when you’re trying to take a photo of a significant part of the day! All the parents that came to our wedding were grateful for a day off and a chance to let their hair down.

  8. A wedding can be a very stressful event, and for kids in strange situations, itchy clothing, and unfamiliar locations, it’s nearly an invitation for temper tantrums and meltdowns of every kind. It’s your wedding, and you owe no apologies to anyone for excluding all children – you don’t even owe an explanation. Happy planning for a happy upcoming wedding day.

    • Thanks Sharon! I think that because I don’t have children of my own I have more of an adult oriented mindset and find it difficult to be patient sometimes. At least if they aren’t there then there will be no issues!

  9. It’s YOUR day, Suzie,and you have the right to have it the way you want it! My daughter had to consider this same aspect, but one member of the groom’s family had a small child and my daughter wanted a son of one friend and a daughter of another in the wedding party. I was just a little anxious about how this would go, and true to form the little girl threw and 10 min tantrum before being willing to get into her dress Blessed be, after that not a single problem. We had maybe six littles in the crowd of 150. I would have spared myself some gray hairs if there had been no children!

    • Hahahah! I think the problem is that my niece is so gorgeous that even a screaming tantrum turns my family to mush, so I didn’t want to have to tell anyone to take her out!

  10. Totally see where you’re coming from re: the drinking and swearing LOL!! It’s a huge added cost and it’s a day especially for YOU. Plus I bet your friends are secretly ecstatic to have a day/night out without them πŸ™‚ xo

  11. You shouldn’t really even have to explain or apologise, but it’s only human to feel on the defensive. As everyone says, it’s not a public occasion! It’s your day, your wedding, you invite who you like. Do hope it all goes really well!

    • Thanks so much Marion! I haven’t had to get on the defensive in person so far thank goodness, but there are so many of my friends that read the blog I know that they’ll have a clear understanding now of how I feel… Not that any of them have caused me any fuss or issues!

  12. Totally agree with your reasons! Our reception was adult only too and the bottom line is that it’s yours and The Bloke’s day so you call the shots. People will get over it, and if they don’t then that’s their issue! Exciting times for you!!

  13. I think that’s a marvellous idea!! As you know, I’m a single mum to three kiddies (now big teenagers!) When my brother got married we were all invited, how lovely! It was a nightmare – my daughter (then 2) screamed the church down, then at the meal she had an ‘accident’ and needed changing so I missed all the speeches! My son (then 3) went hysterical when I was asked by a strange man if I wanted to dance (strange man was my brothers mate lol). I hated it and that’s all I remember about my brother and S-in-L’s special day. When my cousin got married a year later (she’s my son’s godmother) she invited us all and I told her I wouldn’t be bringing them! Had a great night off. 😊

    • Hahaha! Thanks Shelley – sounds like a nightmare! That’s why I haven’t invited my niece – I want my sister to actually remember the day rather than having to change or feed or leave early!

  14. First, congrats! I’m a big advocate of marriage. I never thought I was the marrying kind but I realised I just hadn’t found the kind I wanted to marry. The very first night I laid eyes on my wife I told a friend I was going to marry her. My friend laughed and said that girl is way out of your league hahaha. Which she was and still is.
    Second, it’s your day and only you and your lucky fella should decide what you want in your day.
    Third, we had 46 people at our wedding and 12 of them were kids under 12. For us, it was perfect. We loved the intimate vibe and the laughter of the kids and their involvement really helped make it a great day.
    I think when it comes to weddings it’s a case of each to their own. There should be no rules at all. We upset a couple of people who were more associates than friends because we didn’t invite them but we didn’t care haha. All the best for the big day!

  15. Surely this shouldn’t be an issue. If you don’t want kiddies around it is your day and you should be allowed to have it just the way you like it! People can be so strange and judgemental about weddings.

    I didn’t mind having little ‘uns at my wedding. We just bought a bouncy castle and most of them just kept bouncing for hooours. Once they’d all collapsed from exhaustion loads of us “grown ups” had a go at bouncing. It was pretty hilarious to try bouncing in a wedding dress.

      • Ha! I didn’t even organise it! my sister thought it’d be a good idea and booked it, then just called me to tell me.

        I was pretty relaxed about the whole thing though.

  16. I agree with you here Suzie. I love children but I remeber at my niece’s wedding her friend’s 3 children were running riot during the ceremony in the chuch, Their parents casually watched them, doing nothing about it. I saw the groom”s father about to step in when one of them was just behind my niece as she knelt at the altar about to tread all over her veil! Their own father eventually got the hint and picked up the child who had a mega meltdown and screamed!!
    It is your very special day and you want to have wonderful memories to treasure πŸ™‚

  17. I totally agree with why you wouldn’t want sprogs there. Not only do they scream, run, poo, snot and puke it’s that you can’t let your guard down around them and be an adult incase they get hurt or over hear you swearing and copy it – loudly.

  18. Pingback: My Picks Of The Week 2017 – #19 | A Momma's View

  19. Sounds very reasonable. Every wedding I have been to children have screamed and made scenes. Not that there is anything wrong with children but weddings don’t seem like the kind of place for kids at all. There are no games for them, they can’t understand what is happening, and they steel the show. I would do the same thing.

  20. Wow! I’ve never heard of a wedding where there is blanket ban on kids. In India, children accompany parents on every thing big and small. Add to that, if one ever says no to having them over – relationships would be go sour. πŸ˜‰ I’m serious.
    I liked your post for its honesty and a culture shift that I saw.

  21. As you know, I completely agree with you & we did the same. As you say, your niece is only 10 months old, so she’s not exactly going to be offended & hold it against you. The only kids I invited was my own (obviously) and our nieces and nephews, but they were all aged 8-15yrs old & we have close relationships with them, so wanted them to share our day with us, but that’s a completely different situation than with your niece. Enjoy your day! Exciting! X

  22. Initially I was curious as to what you’d say, but this was so rational and convincing haha! If I ever get married I think I’d now have to genuinely consider whether to invite children or not.
    Jas xx

  23. As you said, it’s YOUR day and you’ve jumped through countless hoops for everyone else’s wedding. I find that a lot of people nowadays expect you to fit everything to them- it is as much in your rights to have a child-free day as it is for them to invite everyone’s children. I do find it quite stressful when children are around, and speaking honestly, they do often need separate attention. If it really doesn’t work for someone, they can simply decline the invitation!! More people need to speak up on this, WONDERFUL post!! Cheers!

  24. I understand not having children at the wedding, but at what age do you cut it off?? I’m 22 years old, and I have a 16 year old sister, and we have been excluded from two weddings this year! I’m not sure if it’s because they didn’t want to invite me and not my sister because she’s technically underage, or if they still see us at the “children” of my parents even though we’re grown. It makes me wonder when I’ll be seen as a full adult! πŸ™‚

    -Nicole
    myuninspiredblog.com

  25. Your day, your rules. Having 35 kids at a wedding does seem a bit much!! Glad that your friends understand.

  26. You’re doing the right thing. I’ve been to weddings that #5 has ruined too many times. No one should have to pay $10,000+ for their special day just to have a screaming infant or toddler ruin it.

  27. Totally agree. I didn’t have children at my wedding or at the dinner. I had my reception in a hotel and had babysitters available upstairs in a room for those that brought their children. The children had pizza and juice boxes and were just fine.

Leave a Reply

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s