Boost Your Blog or Products with my Advertising, Consultation and Photography Services!

Social Media Management Services

Want to boost your blog, engagement, subscribers and stats? Do you need beautiful images to enhance your blog posts, or professional photographs of your recipes or products?

I offer lots of different opportunities for fellow bloggers, authors and business owners to gain extra promotion.

  • Social Media Management – Pinterest, Twitter and Facebook
  • Blog of the Day opportunities
  • Hour Blog Consultation Slots
  • Canva images for your blog posts – created for any area of social media
  • Food, Product and Flat Lay Photography

Stats

At the time of publishing, Suzie Speaks has received over 1,200,000 views. Here are my readership stats:

  • WordPress: 11,000 +
  • Twitter: 8,900
  • Facebook: 800 +
  • Pinterest: 10,300 +

Of all of the blogging regrets that I have, my lack of knowledge when developing my blog and hesitation when setting up my social media accounts are the biggest. Why?

My social media is now responsible for HUNDREDS OF THOUSANDS of referrals of my total views.

The problem with social media is that (during the initial set-up months in particular) it can incredibly time consuming, even when using schedulers. Posting a blog post now doesn’t just involve pressing the publish button – I think about keywords and SEO, create a pinnable image for Pinterest and then pin it, tweet it using specific hashtags, share it on Flipboard and then share it again into specific Facebook groups. How, when and where I share it will depend on the specific day and time so that they get the maximum audience.

And that’s just the beginning. I have created interesting Pinterest boards that fit within the themes that I cover, along with a successful group board, and participate in link-ups (even starting my own which is now the biggest blog sharing hashtag on Twitter at the weekends) and various Twitter chats. I share high quality pins and tweet interesting posts from others. I follow a daily checklist to make sure that I don’t forget anything.

Sound exhausting? Don’t even know where to start? Don’t have the time?

What if someone could do that FOR YOU?

Social Media Management Packages

I can set up and manage your Pinterest, Facebook and Twitter, or create a package to suit any combination of these, and you won’t have to do anything!

This is what I can offer for the full-package price of £140 for the month

Pinterest

  • Optimised profile description
  • Board optimisation – organisation and arrangement of your top boards based on relevance to your niche
  • Board descriptions with keywords
  • Addition to group boards
  • 10 personalised vertical Canva images, complete with keyword description (if you require more than ten there will be an extra charge)
  • Almost daily pinning

Twitter

  • Optimised profile description
  • Daily tweeting with relevant hashtags
  • Inclusion in weekly link-ups

Facebook

  • Almost daily post shares
  • Further shares of interesting content

Want to focus on just a single area of social media? I also charge separate prices for individual social media plans for the month:

Pinterest: £85

Twitter: £25

Faceook: £40

Here’s what just some of my clients had to say about my advertising and social media management services…

If you’re an author or blogger who wants to grow their stats, if you’re busy and struggling to manage your social media, or perhaps you just want to focus on something else, then Suzie’s your gal. There are few people I’ve met online that are as shrewd, talented and social media savvy as Suzie. In my first month I saw my follower growth (per month) quadruple compared to my efforts the previous month, and my referrals from Pinterest saw a 90% increase on the previous month.  As far as I’m concerned Suzie takes growth hacking to the next level. But one of the things I love most about working with her, is that I don’t have to do a thing. I sit back, concentrate on writing and she takes care of Twitter and Pinterest. I genuinely cannot recommend working with Suzie more … Sacha Black

As an independent author, having a presence online is vital. I’ve learned that by employing the services of Suzie Speaks I have been able to market my site, attract a wider audience and sell more books without spending hours campaigning. Shelley Wilson, Motivate Me Now

She is very skilled at what she does and has helped me significantly grow both my Twitter and Pinterest followers. Because of her efforts, 50% of my blog views now come from Pinterest vs 0 when I started working with her – Ana, Project Life Wellness

My Pinterest views went from 104 page views to 1263… Suzie has given me great ideas to implement for both platforms and is in touch with the current news of social mediaTiffany, A Girl and Her Passport

I have used Suzie’s services to help widen the reach of my blog, Love, Laughter & Truth. I have been very pleased with the response to Suzie’s work and she really does have so much expertise around blogging and using social media to reach a wider audience. Just as importantly Suzie is an absolute pleasure to work with – friendly, professional and gets the job done efficiently and effectively. I couldn’t recommend her services highly enough. Thank you, Suzie! – Matt – Love, Laughter and Truth

My followers on Pinterest have gone from 3 to 3200 and I receive hundreds of views a month which is pretty amazing, plus I’ve met some great new bloggers, which has been a nice bonusHelen, Journey to Ambeth

I was a new-ish blogger and rebranding my blog when I started working with Suzie. It was invaluable to have an experienced blogger available to help me through the complicated process. Suzie helped ensure all my social media branding was consistent and patiently answered my endless questions. She helped me get started on Canva, work more effectively on Pinterest and showed me the value (and enjoyment) of interacting with other bloggers through Facebook Groups and Twitter chats. A month or so after working with Suzie my stats had trebled – so I was well chuffed! I’d recommend working with Suzie to any blogger out there looking for some help in getting their blog up and running or revamped. In my book, she’s a star! Jill – Midlife Smarts

Suzie has managed areas of my social media for a while now and is extremely dependable in her support and guidance. Her organisation and management has enabled my blog to be a constant presence in the social media world and I have seen very positive and consistent results. I would highly recommend Suzie as a Social Media Manager. Donna – Jot to Jot

I worked with Suzie for one month while I was building my business. She managed my Pinterest and Twitter accounts and not only did she completely take on full responsibility for both of those, so also massively increased engagement. I got a lot more exposure on Pinterest which is now converting into much more web traffic, as with Twitter. I got to connect with a lot of people in my line of work in Twitter thanks to Suzie tweeting almost daily on my behalf. She also got me added to a lot of Pinterest group boards, optimised my profile and made me look so much more professional on both platforms. She made ten graphics for my blog posts and a couple of landing pages which got great engagement on both platforms and I’m continually repinning them. They’re still converting into web traffic thanks to her great copy. I’d love to work with Suzie again in the future. She’s very friendly and always responds to my messages, no matter how busy she is. I can’t recommend her services enough to busy professionals who need someone to take on that big part of maintaining a business and helping you to grow online. Charlotte – Charlotte Produces

Interested? Send me an email suzie81blog@hotmail.co.uk for a chat!

What about being promoted on my blog for just a single day, being featured as my ‘Blog of the Day’ post.

Blog of the Day

This is available to WordPress followers only and there is a single space for one blogger every Sunday. There are two price options available:

Option 1: £20.00

A single promotional post about your blog with links to all of your social media accounts on Sunday afternoon

A reblog of a post of your choice on Sunday evening, during my highest traffic.

Option 2: £30.00

A single promotional post about your blog with links to all of your social media accounts on Sunday afternoon

A reblog of a post of your choice on Sunday evening, during my highest traffic.

Promotional tweets from my account with all of my favourite Twitter hashtags throughout the week that I participate in (one tweet a day).

Introductions via social media to some of my favourite bloggers.

Disclaimers:

I cannot guarantee an increase in following, or traffic, but everyone that has been featured as Blog of The Day or advertised their blog so far has indeed received significantly higher views than their usual traffic and gained new followers. Testimonials are available upon request…

I cannot (and will not) offer opportunities to any blogs that promote content that is racist, sexist, homophobic or promote any form of cruelty to animals. This includes hunting for sport and the wearing of fur for fashion.

Hourly Blog Analysis and Consultation

Struggling with ideas on the direction to take your blog?

Price for consultation and analysis: £100

  • Analysis of blog layout, functionality and content
  • An hour-long consultation over the phone or via Facebook messenger call
  • Advice, hints and tips on building your social media
  • A personalised social media schedule
  • Follow-up opportunities

Canva Designs

Price per design: £2.00 – for multiple images a package can be created to suit you!

Need beautiful images for your blog posts that can be used across your social media? Check out the examples below for some of the images that I have created for my own Pinterest – click on the images for the full size

Food and Product Photography

Calling all food bloggers and business owners! Want professional photographs of your latest dishes or products? I offer a selection of photography packages, starting at £35 for a series of 5 styled photographs (plus the cost of ingredients for food bloggers). Examples are below – Click on the images for the full size!

What about flat lay photographs for your latest book or product? Perfect for Instagram, I can create a series of beautiful flat lay images that can enhance your latest venture – £25 for five images. Here are some examples – click on the images for the full size!

 

Want to know more? Email me at suzie81blog@hotmail.co.uk

You can also find me on Twitter and Tumblr @suzie81blog and you can also find me on my Facebook page http://www.facebook.com/suzie81speaks, my Pinterest page http://www.pinterest.com/suzie81speaks and my instagram page http://www.instagram.com/suzie81speaks

Advertisements

Want to be Featured on Suzie Speaks?

Blog profile PicWant to have your blog featured on Suzie Speaks? I’m running opportunities for bloggers to receive promotion throughout October in the form of sponsored posts, culminating in a massive Blog Party for Halloween.

With nearly 17,000 monthly readers (plus several thousand followers on Pinterest) and just a few hundred views away from 650,000, this could be a fantastic opportunity for both new and established bloggers to be introduced to a whole new audience!

BLOG OF THE DAY

This is available to anyone and everyone and there is a single sponsored space for one blogger every day. There are two price options available: Continue reading

How Companies Are Taking Advantage of Bloggers

image

I’m going to send you an email.

In that email, I’m going to give you a theme. It could be about anything – a time or a place, an event, lifestyle choice, food or a holiday that is approaching. I’m then going to ‘invite’ you to write a blog post about that theme, and ask you to return my email if you’re interested in doing so.

When you reply, I will ask you to include a link to my blog in your post. I’m going to give you absolutely nothing in return, but I may offer you a vague indication that your blog post will possibly be featured on my social media pages. However, I won’t commit to anything – my focus is that your blog post includes information about me.

Would you do it?

To be fair, some of my readers probably would – I’ve known them for a number of years and value their friendship very much. I love promoting other bloggers, and I do so on a regular basis both on the blog and my social media. I don’t expect anything in return when I do this – I love the community and if I can help another blogger I will.

But if you didn’t know me or anything about my blog, I can pretty much guarantee that you’d ignore my email or tell me to get lost. Continue reading

Increasing Your Readership: Sponsorship and Blog Promotion Opportunities on Suzie Speaks

sponsorshipAre you looking to boost your blog traffic and following? Suzie Speaks is looking to give sponsored and advertising opportunities!

There are three different types of advertising opportunities available: a monthly sponsorship space and a single ‘Blog of The Day.’

Here are a few facts about Suzie Speaks (of which proof can be provided if necessary on request).

At the time of publishing, Suzie Speaks has received over 510,000 views. Here are my readership stats:

WordPress: 8,200
Twitter: 6,919
Facebook: 480
Pinterest: 584

I have a collective readership of about 15,000 across my blog and social media.

MONTHLY ADVERTISING SPACES

I am offering advertising spaces here on Suzie Speaks every month for a period of four weeks (and I say four weeks because some months are longer) at a cost of £25.00

A £25.00 advertising package will last for a period of four weeks and will entitle you to:

  • A 185 x 185px button/banner in the left sidebar of the page, with a direct link to your blog/company, which is a fixed feature for every page of Suzie Speaks.
  • A reblog of one of your posts throughout the month
  • Introductions via social media to some of my favourite bloggers.
  • Promotion in the form of links to your blog/company during my #SundayBlogShare party each Sunday on Twitter.

PLEASE NOTE – the conversion rate from USD to GBP will mean that the total in US Dollars will be approximately $38.

If you wish to advertise your blog for the next four weeks, please email me at suzie81blog@hotmail.co.uk where we can discuss the terms and conditions of the advertising. I have numerous testimonials if needed.

Feel free to check out the sponsors that I have in my sidebar – I’m sure that they would love to see new people!

BLOG OF THE DAY

This is available to WordPress followers only and there is a single space for one blogger every Sunday. There are two price options available:

Option 1: £9.00

  • A single promotional post about your blog with links to all of your social media accounts on Sunday afternoon
  • A reblog of a post of your choice on Sunday evening, during my highest traffic.
  • Promotional tweets to my #SundayBlogShare Twitter party during the day.

Option 2: £12.00

  • A single promotional post about your blog with links to all of your social media accounts on Sunday afternoon
  • A reblog of a post of your choice on Sunday evening, during my highest traffic.
  • Promotional tweets to my #SundayBlogShare Twitter party during the day.
  • Promotional tweets to all of the Twitter parties throughout the week that I participate in.
  • Introductions via social media to some of my favourite bloggers.

Disclaimers:

I cannot guarantee an increase in following, or traffic, but everyone that has been featured as Blog of The Day or advertised their blog so far has indeed received significantly higher views than their usual traffic and gained new followers. Testimonials are available upon request…

Please feel free to contact me at me email address: suzie81blog@hotmail.co.uk with any questions.

 

You can also find me on Twitter and Tumblr @suzie81blog, and don’t forget to check out my Facebook page http://www.facebook.com/suzie81speaks, my Pinterest page http://www.pinterest.com/suzie81speaks and my Instagram page http://www.instagram.com/suzie81speaks.

Want To Boost Your Traffic? Sponsorship Opportunities On Suzie81 Speaks

AdvertisingAre you looking to boost your blog traffic and following? Suzie81 Speaks is looking to give sponsored and advertising opportunities!

There are two different types of advertising opportunities available: a monthly sponsorship space and a single ‘Blog of The Day.’ Continue reading

Want To Boost Your Traffic? Advertising Opportunities on Suzie81 Speaks

Advertising

Are you looking to boost your blog? Suzie81 Speaks is looking to give sponsored and advertising opportunities!

There are two different types of advertising opportunities available: a monthly sponsorship space and a single ‘Blog of The Day.’

Here are a few facts about Suzie81 Speaks (of which proof can be provided if necessary on request).

  • Since Suzie81 Speaks began in April 2013 (two years ago), it has received nearly 386,000 views.
  • Total number of views in 2013: 72,556
  • Number of views over 2014: 265,800
  • Average number of views a day in 2014: Between 600 and 1500.
  • Current number of followers: 11,500 (approx 6,450 WordPress, 4,950 Twitter, 130 Tumblr). I also have a fairly new Facebook page with 285 ‘likes,’ and it is growing weekly.

 

MONTHLY ADVERTISING SPACES

I am offering advertising spaces here on Suzie81Speaks every month for a period of four weeks (and I say four weeks because some months are longer) at a cost of £25.00

A £25.00 advertising package will last for a period of four weeks and will entitle you to:

  • A 185 x 185px button/banner in the upper right corner of the page, with a direct link to your blog/company, which is a fixed feature for every page of Suzie81 Speaks.
  • A reblog of one of your posts throughout the month
  • Introductions via social media to some of my favourite bloggers.
  • Promotion in the form of links to your blog/company during my #SundayBlogShare party each Sunday on Twitter.

PLEASE NOTE – the conversion rate from USD to GBP is 1=0.6254, which means that the total in US Dollars will be approximately $38.49

If you wish to advertise your blog for the next four weeks, please email me at suzie81blog@hotmail.co.uk where we can discuss the terms and conditions of the advertising.

Feel free to check out the sponsors that I have in my sidebar – I’m sure that they would love to see new people!

 

BLOG OF THE DAY

This is available to WordPress followers only and there is a single space for one blogger every Sunday. There are two price options available:

Option 1: £9.00

  • A single promotional post about your blog with links to all of your social media accounts on Sunday afternoon
  • A reblog of a post of your choice on Sunday evening, during my highest traffic.
  • Promotional tweets to my #SundayBlogShare Twitter party during the day.

Option 2: £12.00

  • A single promotional post about your blog with links to all of your social media accounts on Sunday afternoon
  • A reblog of a post of your choice on Sunday evening, during my highest traffic.
  • Promotional tweets to my #SundayBlogShare Twitter party during the day.
  • Promotional tweets to all of the Twitter parties throughout the week that I participate in.
  • Introductions via social media to some of my favourite bloggers.

Disclaimers:

  • I cannot guarantee an increase in following, or traffic, but everyone that has been featured as Blog of The Day so far has indeed received higher views than their usual traffic.
  • I cannot (and will not) offer opportunities to any blogs that promote content that is racist, sexist, homophobic or promote any form of cruelty to animals. This includes hunting for sport and the wearing of fur for fashion.

Interested? Email me at suzie81blog@hotmail.co.uk.

Similarly, if you wish me to review products for your company, also feel free to email me at the same address.

Note: all payments are made through PayPal and are required in advance.

Looking forward to hearing from you!

You can also find me on Twitter and Tumblr @suzie81blog, and don’t forget to check out my Facebook page http://www.facebook.com/suzie81speaks

Want To Boost Your Blog? Advertising Opportunities On Suzie81 Speaks

Advertising

Are you looking to boost your blog? Suzie81 Speaks is looking to give sponsored and advertising opportunities!

There are two different types of advertising opportunities available: a monthly sponsorship space and a single ‘Blog of The Day.’

Here are a few facts about Suzie81 Speaks (of which proof can be provided if necessary on request).

  • Since Suzie81 Speaks began in April 2013 (in less than two years), I have received nearly 364,000 views.
  • Total number of views in 2013: 72,556
  • Number of views over 2014: 265,800
  • Average number of views a day in 2014: Between 600 and 1500.
  • Current number of followers: 10,900 (approx 6,200 WordPress, 4,500 Twitter, 120 Tumblr). I also have a fairly new Facebook page with 230 ‘likes,’ and it is growing weekly.

 

MONTHLY ADVERTISING SPACES

I am offering advertising spaces here on Suzie81Speaks every month for a period of four weeks (and I say four weeks because some months are longer) at a cost of £25.00

A £25.00 advertising package will last for a period of four weeks and will entitle you to:

  • A 185 x 185px button/banner in the upper right corner of the page, with a direct link to your blog/company, which is a fixed feature for every page of Suzie81 Speaks.
  • A copy of this button with a link and a short description about your blog/company will be featured in my menu system underneath the title ‘Sponsors.’ 
  • A reblog of one of your posts throughout the month
  • Introductions via social media to some of my favourite bloggers.
  • Promotion in the form of links to your blog/company during my #SundayBlogShare party each Sunday on Twitter.

PLEASE NOTE – the conversion rate from USD to GBP is 1=0.6254, which means that the total in US Dollars will be approximately $38.49

If you wish to advertise your blog for the next four weeks, please email me at suzie81blog@hotmail.co.uk where we can discuss the terms and conditions of the advertising.

 

BLOG OF THE DAY

This is available to WordPress followers only and there is a single space for one blogger every Sunday. There are two price options available:

Option 1: £9.00

  • A single promotional post about your blog with links to all of your social media accounts on Sunday afternoon
  • A reblog of a post of your choice on Sunday evening, during my highest traffic.
  • Promotional tweets to my #SundayBlogShare Twitter party during the day.

Option 2: £12.00

  • A single promotional post about your blog with links to all of your social media accounts on Sunday afternoon
  • A reblog of a post of your choice on Sunday evening, during my highest traffic.
  • Promotional tweets to my #SundayBlogShare Twitter party during the day.
  • Promotional tweets to all of the Twitter parties throughout the week that I participate in.
  • Introductions via social media to some of my favourite bloggers.

Disclaimers:

  • I cannot guarantee an increase in following, or traffic, but everyone that has been featured as Blog of The Day so far has indeed received higher views than their usual traffic.
  • I cannot (and will not) offer opportunities to any blogs that promote content that is racist, sexist, homophobic or promote any form of cruelty to animals. This includes hunting for sport and the wearing of fur for fashion.

Interested? Email me at suzie81blog@hotmail.co.uk.

Similarly, if you wish me to review products for your company, also feel free to email me at the same address.

Note: all payments are made through PayPal and are required in advance.

Looking forward to hearing from you!

You can also find me on Twitter and Tumblr @suzie81blog, and don’t forget to check out my Facebook page http://www.facebook.com/suzie81speaks

 

January Round Up: An Exciting Month for Suzie81 Speaks and Advertising Opportunities

imageJanuary is usually the most depressing month for me – after the excitement of my birthday, Christmas and New Year’s Eve I often find that the start of a new year leaves me feeling as dull and cold as the weather.

I decided to approach 2015 with a positive outlook and  just one goal for the year: to take the risk. As Suzie81 Speaks does not have a theme or a niche, my posts have been eclectic and have reflected the thoughts and feelings I have experienced and the events happening at the time. I shared some blogging hints and tips for new bloggers, my ideas for beating the January blues, my thoughts on how to build self-esteem and confidence and highlighted a beautiful story that proved that there is still hope for humanity. I decided to have a bit of fun and shared stories of my dating disasters and experiences of working behind a bar. I also edited some of my photography – something that I haven’t done in a long time – and posted a beautiful poem written by Roger McGough. I have been amazed at the response that I have received to these and some of my earlier posts – my ‘Tale of a Sociopath’ post continues to be shared on StumbleUpon, two of my posts were featured on the Sits Girls ShareFest and Mumsnet Bloggers promoted my post on Fox News’s ridiculous report about the Muslim population of Birmingham as their ‘Blog of The Day.’

I also made a little promise to myself that I would develop the connections and friendships I have formed and give other members of the blogging the world an opportunity to promote themselves. I found that I had been falling behind with the comments that I received, and now instead of posting something on a particular day, I try and take the time to reply to every single one on the blog and all of the social media links that are connected with it. I have continued to host my weekly #SundayBlogShare on Twitter, which I started three months ago, and have been delighted that hundreds of people now participate every week, with over a thousand posts being shared. This week I am pleased to announce that I have a guest host for #SundayBlogShare – Gene’O from Sourcererblog (who was instrumental in the promotion of #SundayBlogShare in the early stages) has kindly agreed to look after you all this Sunday. (For those of you that are interested in participating, there will be a post later today with the information and rules).

While I made no resolutions, I decided to take Suzie81 Speaks to the next level and started advertising for sponsors. I had no expectations of the sort of response I would receive, if any at all, but within hours I was contacted by a number of bloggers. Consequently, over January I have featured both Jolene from Valley Girl Gone Country and Helena from Helena Turbridy and have been delighted by the feedback that I have received from them – both have seen a huge increase in their traffic… Even more amazing, February sponsorship is completely full and even spaces for some of March (and even a space in July) have been booked. Awesome.

Finally, to add the cherry on the proverbial cake, I was offered an really exciting opportunity the other day, which has cemented my decision to take the risk.

image

My family, my friends and, of course, The Bloke has been absolutely wonderful throughout it all. As always, the blogging community has also been there every step of the way. I’ve been blessed to have received so much support from people that I consider to be friends and have been able to meet lots of new people who have taken the time to make me laugh, encourage me and have contributed to one of the best months I have had in a long time. Thank you.

Are You Interested in Being Featured on Suzie81 Speaks?

I have decided to expand this further and offer opportunities for sponsored one-off promotion for WordPress bloggers. Each Sunday, (when my own stats usually exceed over a thousand views during the day), as well as hosting #SundayBlogShare, I will feature a WordPress blog as the ‘Blog Of The Day.’ This will include a single post about the blog, a reblog of one of your posts and promotion through #SundayBlogShare. While I obviously can’t guarantee a huge increase in your traffic and/or following, I know that my sponsors have informed me that they have indeed seen quite a significant rise in their stats on days where I have promoted their posts.

For those of you who are interested in being my ‘Blog Of The Day,’ here are my details:

Cost: £9.00. This may seem like an odd number, but I have had to add on a little extra to cover the PayPal charges. (Please take into account that conversion rates may change in countries outside of the UK).

January Stats (at the time of posting): 17,265 views

Followers: 10,425 (6,126 on WordPress, 4,179 on Twitter and 120 on Tumblr). I also have 221 followers on my Facebook page. All are growing on a daily basis.

If you wish to be featured, please email me at suzie81blog@hotmail.co.uk

 

You can also find me on Twitter and Tumblr @suzie81blog and you don’t forget to check out my Facebook page http://www.facebook.com/suzie81speaks

 

The Ice-Cream Adverts Lie To Me

It’s hot. Wonderfully, scorchingly hot. In the eloquent words of Lord Flasheart (and my friend Dave), it’s as hot as my pants. The ice-cream van is permanently situated at the end of my road, tempting me every five minutes by blasting out the ‘Match of the Day’ theme tune to remind me of its presence. I love a good ice-cream cone, but it’s so hot I don’t know whether to eat one or simply face plant it.

However, as much as I love ice-cream, there is something that always annoys me at this time of the year…

The Magnum adverts. Every. Single. Year.

I love Magnums – they’re one of my favourites, and I make it my mission to have at least one of every flavour over the summer months. The adverts are all over the television. Each advert usually follows the same conventions – one or more beautiful model-type girls bite into a magnum while walking around a beautiful city. It’s a simple concept.

Alas, as much as I would like to buy into the idea, it never fails to make me so annoyed I always loudly complain the The Bloke, who knows me well enough to nod, smile and carry on with whatever he’s doing. Why? Because the Magnum advert lies to me.

image

Lie 1: When the girl bites into the Magnum, the chocolate stays in tact around the bite mark and she maintains a certain sexy quality.

Truth: When I bite into a Magnum, the chocolate explodes everywhere. It’s on the floor, on my clothes, down my cleavage and in my hair.

Lie 2: The girl is able to eat the ice-cream without getting any on her lips.

Truth: Any attempt that I have ever made to eat the ice-cream in a Magnum will always leave me with melted vanilla lines at the side of my mouth. The late Heath Ledger clearly saw me doing this before he took the role of the Joker in the Dark Night film – the resemblance is striking.

image

Lie 3: The Magnum stays perfectly frozen.

Truth: It’s an ice-cream apocalypse. It’s running down the stick and onto my clothes and the floor. I’ve got melted chocolate on my hands, my face and in my hair. It’s a race against time to consume it before it disappears.

Lies, Magnum, lies. Or perhaps I just eat like a pig?

What about you guys? Do certain adverts annoy you?

You can also find me on Twitter and Tumblr @suzie81blog