Throwback Thursday: Things People Say and What They Really Mean

image1. I’ll be there in twenty minutes: I still haven’t got dressed and can’t find my handbag.

2. I’ll be there as soon as I can, I’m still waiting for a taxi: See number 1.

3. It’s not really my style, but I’m sure it would look good on you: I hate that outfit.

4. Well, if that’s your decision then I’ll support you: I totally disagree with your decision but I’m not going to say anything.

5. Do you think I’m overreacting?: I don’t care whether you think I’m overreacting, I expect you to agree with me.

6. As long as he makes you happy: I think he’s a douchebag. Continue reading

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Excuses, Excuses

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Every registration in a morning is the same process: register students, check uniform, check stationery, give announcements, ask individuals to stay behind if they’ve got it wrong. I like to speak to them individually as it’s impossible to predict whether something bad has happened outside school, so it provides students to opportunity to talk without their peers being present. I like my tutor group and I have a good relationship with them so I find that we can talk to each other easily, but I do often have the same conversations and say the same things every single day to students:

“Why are you late?”

“Why don’t you have a pen?”

“Where’s your tie?”

“Why did you get a detention for…”

 

I’m also frustrated at hearing the same excuses every day:

“I woke up late”

“I forgot my PE kit so I had to go home and get it”

“I went to the toilet”

“I lost my bag”

The excuses are never original, the only difference being that it is a different child daily that gives them and after hearing them repeatedly for years I feel like I should be in the ‘Groundhog Day.’ These conversations are always followed by sanctions and phone calls home.

However, occasionally something will snap me awake and make me smile:

A few weeks before ago one of my tutor group was late. She’s twelve and I had seen her walking into school about thirty minutes before school started, so I already knew that her lateness was caused by her messing around on the yard with her friends. I decided to take a different approach with her. This was how the conversation genuinely went:

Me: Why are you late?

Child: (Thought for a bit) I had to take my little sister to school.

Me: Oh, I didn’t know you had a little sister. How old is she?

Child: Six.

Me: What school is she at?

Child: (named a school that is miles away).

Me: So if I were to go and ring your mother now she’d back you up?

Child: No, I’ve just remembered, I didn’t take my sister to school.

Me: Why did you tell me you did?

Child: I had a dream that I took my sister to school. I was confused.

Me: So you’re late because you had a dream you took your sister to school?

Child: Yes, I mean, no.

Me: So why were you late?

Child: I was on the yard and didn’t hear the whistle.

Me: Why didn’t you say that in the first place?

Child: (shrugs shoulders) dunno.

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Most original and yet pointless excuse ever. Perhaps I should have showed her this quote:

“It is better to offer no excuse than a bad one.” ― George Washington

What about you guys? What’s the best lie you’ve ever been told by a child?

You can also find me on Twitter and Tumblr @suzie81blog, and don’t forget to check out my Facebook page http://www.facebook.com/suzie81speaks

 

The Ice-Cream Adverts Lie To Me

It’s hot. Wonderfully, scorchingly hot. In the eloquent words of Lord Flasheart (and my friend Dave), it’s as hot as my pants. The ice-cream van is permanently situated at the end of my road, tempting me every five minutes by blasting out the ‘Match of the Day’ theme tune to remind me of its presence. I love a good ice-cream cone, but it’s so hot I don’t know whether to eat one or simply face plant it.

However, as much as I love ice-cream, there is something that always annoys me at this time of the year…

The Magnum adverts. Every. Single. Year.

I love Magnums – they’re one of my favourites, and I make it my mission to have at least one of every flavour over the summer months. The adverts are all over the television. Each advert usually follows the same conventions – one or more beautiful model-type girls bite into a magnum while walking around a beautiful city. It’s a simple concept.

Alas, as much as I would like to buy into the idea, it never fails to make me so annoyed I always loudly complain the The Bloke, who knows me well enough to nod, smile and carry on with whatever he’s doing. Why? Because the Magnum advert lies to me.

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Lie 1: When the girl bites into the Magnum, the chocolate stays in tact around the bite mark and she maintains a certain sexy quality.

Truth: When I bite into a Magnum, the chocolate explodes everywhere. It’s on the floor, on my clothes, down my cleavage and in my hair.

Lie 2: The girl is able to eat the ice-cream without getting any on her lips.

Truth: Any attempt that I have ever made to eat the ice-cream in a Magnum will always leave me with melted vanilla lines at the side of my mouth. The late Heath Ledger clearly saw me doing this before he took the role of the Joker in the Dark Night film – the resemblance is striking.

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Lie 3: The Magnum stays perfectly frozen.

Truth: It’s an ice-cream apocalypse. It’s running down the stick and onto my clothes and the floor. I’ve got melted chocolate on my hands, my face and in my hair. It’s a race against time to consume it before it disappears.

Lies, Magnum, lies. Or perhaps I just eat like a pig?

What about you guys? Do certain adverts annoy you?

You can also find me on Twitter and Tumblr @suzie81blog

 

Pants On Fire: Little White Lies

Most people are guilty of telling lies in life, whether they are used to spare someone’s feelings, save face, avoiding trouble or making oneself feel better.There’s a million different levels of lies, from telling a friend that she looks good in a dress that closely resembles a trash bag, to the monumental porkies told throughout history by various world leaders.

I had several different ideas when I saw today’s prompt. The biggest lies told in history? The fact that both my father and ex were compulsive liars? Lies we tell our children? I’ve already discussed at length lies that I tell my students, interesting lies I’ve been told by students and advertising lies.

Continue reading