‘What I Shoped’ – Unusual (and Baffling) Search Engine Terms

Posted on May 16, 2016 by suzie81speaks

SEO, or Search Engine Optimisation, is a big thing in the blogging world, and I’ve read a number of posts about how to use it to increase traffic to the blog. Over the last few years I have started to get a large amount of referrals from search engines, and I love seeing the sorts of things that people have typed in and stumbled across my blog as a result.

Some, I can explain, because I know that a few of my posts are on the first page of Google. For my post ‘23 Things You Should Do Before You’re 23,‘ which still remains as one of my most popular, I often receive things like ‘things to do before 23,’ or ‘What should I do before my 23rd?’. For ‘Nine Things That We Don’t Owe Anyone,’ I get terms like ‘I don’t owe you,’ or ‘things I shouldn’t owe people.’ Recently, with the ‘Trigglypuff‘ saga taking the internet by storm, I have received lots of terms with Trigglypuff mentioned.

However, it’s becoming more frequent that I am finding sentences that make me wonder what on earth I have been writing over the last three years. I’ve always considered this blog to be at a PG rating, with only one or two references made to adult content. However, it’s clear that a large amount of my search terms are focused on these references, so at this point I’d like to warn you that the content of the rest of this post may get a little rude… You may wish to read some of it peeking out through your fingers. Or avoid eating…
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Best. Search Term. Ever

Posted on April 18, 2016 by suzie81speaks

I like to check out my search engine terms as often as possible – I’m always intruiged to find out how people have stumbled across my blog.

They never disappoint – I get all sorts of weird and wonderful sentences, often involving feet for some reason, but today I found this:

I love the Internet.

Don’t forget to check out tomorrow’s post, when I will be announcing the winners of my Guest Post competition. I had such a large response it has taken a while to go through them all, and I’ve decided to do three opportunities instead of just one.

Enjoy!

I’m trying to get my Instagram page going – hop on over to http://www.instagram.com/suzie81speaks for pictures of buildings and Dougal, my sister’s pug puppy. What more could anyone want in life?

Say What Now?

Posted on November 11, 2014 by suzie81speaks

Warning: adult content.

After twenty months of blogging and hundreds of posts that cover a whole range of topics, I have started to take great delight in the frequently obscure searches that lead to Suzie81 Speaks. While I can link some of these to things I have written, I still find some baffling and at times, hilarious. There are clearly lots of different types of people that read my blog:

1. The Apathetic Authors

Thanks. It’s nice to see that my blog appears when these sentences are typed in…

2. The Aspiring DoctorI have no medical training whatsoever, but I can guess that the answer to this is no.

3. Animal Lovers

I have never met anyone that has believed that they are a badger, nor have I attempted to cuddle one. However, judging from video footage of honey badgers I have seen, I would advise against it. I have also seen the baby monkey and pig video. It’s pointless and the song that goes with it is guaranteed to stick in your head for days afterwards.

4. The Aromatherapist

Old Spice for the belly button? The other fragrance manufacturers are clearly missing out on a section of the market here.

5. The Textile Enthusiasts

The top one is one of fourteen references I have received about panties, often accompanied by the word ‘dirty.’ However, the second one was a little more obscure – I’d love to find the person who wrote that and discover what happened afterwards…

6. The Food Lovers

I have never tasted my own (or anybody else’s) feet, but after inspecting my gnarly toes I can’t imagine that it would be a pleasant experience for anybody.

7. The Disney Enthusiasts.

Does anyone know what rule 34 is? I only found out today. Nice. How the heck does that lead to my blog???

8. The Wishful Thinkers

I would suggest that the collective response to both of these is Viagra… Lots of Viagra.

9. The Angry People

Steps on how to piss somebody off? That’s a whole blog in itself!

10. The Revenge Seeker

This is one of many search terms from men that appear to want revenge on their ex-wives. It’s quite disturbing.

11. The Big Thinkers

I would love to find out how to spend the day doing nothing at work – I’m exhausted by the time I get home! And did Ray J and Justin Beaver have sex? More to the point – Justin Beaver or Justin Bieber? Is this his porn star equivalent?

12. The Randoms

Erm… Right.

13. The Biographer

Emily Dickinson may have indeed been an emo. What it has to do with anything I’ve written on my blog though, I haven’t a clue.

14. The Beautician

Clearly another area where the manufacturers of beauty products are missing out.

What about you guys? What weird and wonderful search terms have led somebody to your blog?

You can also find me on Twitter and Tumblr @suzie81blog, and don’t forget to check out my Facebook page http://www.facebook.com/suzie81speaks.

Obscure Search Terms for 2013

Posted on December 31, 2013 by suzie81speaks

As it is the final day of the year I decided to review my search engine terms since the birth of my blog in April. I have posted some of these during the year, but there have been a number of wonderful additions to add to the list since then. Some have made me smile, some have made me think. Some, in fact, have left me utterly confused.

There are certainly some strange and unusual people out there…

To date, my most popular search has been ‘Things to Be Thankful For,’ which I think is quite sweet, although it does leave me wondering how miserable these people must be if they have to use Google for ideas. This is closely followed by Leah Remini, who I mentioned in a post about Saved By The Bell. There have been a much wider variation of the search for Leah of late, possibly inspired by her controversial fall-out with the Scientology movement:

Leah Remini
Leah Remini saved by the bell
saved by the bell Leah remini
Leah remini in saved by the bell
was leah remini on saved by the bell

and finally…

Leah Remini’s tits.

There’s always one. Well, actually, there’s more than one. I created a post about a hidden picture of a topless woman in Disney’s ‘The Rescuers,‘ and mentioned in another that a scorned woman had posted a picture of her boyfriend’s secret lover’s dirty panties on Facebook when she discovered their affair. Consequently, these have created some extremely interesting search terms for me…

Blog Boobs
Girls dirty panties
Soiled dirty panties
Dirty panties
Sexy dirty painties

While I think that I can link most of the search terms used to a specific post, there were a few that I found to be random and quite confusing…

2
afat log
laughing viking
try whistle girlfriend skinny
write one liners related to life. 4 example : . . life is an ice-cream, enjoy it before it melts! . @ / .. . life is ______________
bomb bein made to kill half of america
Cars crashed in weird places (I think that this may link to the post that I did about Celebrity death jokes)
A smear of ice-cream (why does ice-cream keep appearing???)
how nuch are crap
How much crap

The best one of these has got to be this:

how many drops of eyedrops does it take to make someone poop (I fear for this person)

Then there are searches that I find quite insulting that my blog has come up.

I want to post crap on a blog. (Nice. Thanks for that.)
meh blog
masculinity blog (Strange, considering I’m a woman)
A blog about an annoying teacher

Of the 3,000 search terms that I have received this year, there were two absolutely outstanding search terms and I couldn’t decide who should be awarded the gold medal. They made me laugh, confused me and made me question what on earth I have written on my blog that would lead these terms to me. Consequently, I have decided to award both of them the joint first prize for entertainment value…