My mother once said something to me that I deemed to be very profound and I have never forgotten it:
There are two types of truths: the one we want to believe, and the real truth.
There have been many situations where I have deceived myself into believing that situations were different to reality. I stayed with a sociopathic ex-boyfriend for far too long because I wanted to believe that he loved me, despite the appalling way that he treated me. I’ve continued with friendships that I knew had changed, simply because of the familiarity I felt and the length of time I had known them. I’ve ignored my intuition and repeatedly allowed myself to be taken advantage of by others on many occasions because I wanted to believe that they were good people, and I’ve found myself being emotionally burnt time and time again.
This self-deception, or even willful ignorance to a point, is the easy path to take in so many aspects of life. As good people, we want to believe in the positive – that we’re happy and fulfilled, that the connections that we feel with others are reciprocated and that things are exactly how we want them to be. In truth, and by this I mean the real truth, it is incredibly painful to be able to accept an actuality once we acknowledge that our reality is very different to the way that we would hope.
There are no rules, or the right (or indeed, wrong) way to do things in life. Each of us is bumbling our way through our own journey and whether we believe that we create our own path, or destiny plays a hand, we make the decisions that we feel are right for us in the moment.
But what should we do once the real truth presents itself?
1. Decide what it is that you actually want, however painful it is to acknowledge.
2. Work out the things you can and cannot change. I, and many people around me, get easily stressed and upset by situations that are beyond our control and I have found that it is a huge waste of time and energy.
3. Claim ownership. While others may have been contributing factors to your present situation, it is you that is ultimately responsible for your own life.
4. Put a plan into place, and actually work towards it. Wishing and dreaming about something isn’t going to get you anywhere.
5. Take the risk. To my knowledge, we only have one life, and a life without risks means that we accept the easy path. Nothing worth having is easy.
What about you? Have you ever been confronted with a ‘real truth.’ What did you do?
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