waiting | Suzie Speaks

The kidney infection is back, it has spread to my urinary tract and I am off work until the end of the week. I’ve been feeling ill and constantly tired since being in hospital, so I had blood and urine tests done and it was a relief to get the results back as now I had proof – it has felt at times that those around me thought that I was putting it on.

My Little Friend

Wobbly is currently in the vets having a scan done on her stomach. I wrote about this a few months ago when it was suggested that she may have a tumour, but she improved and got my hopes up until recently when she stopped eating and rapidly lost a ton of weight.

I took her in at 8.30am and I have to wait until 2.00pm today for them to ring me. The waiting is horrible, particularly because my gut is telling me that I know what I have to do today if I get the results that I am expecting from them. At 19 years old (she’ll be 20 in a few weeks) I know that she’s had a long and happy life (she’s been with me for 13 years), so I have decided that I am not going to be selfish and put her through surgery, and I’m certainly not going to let her waste away just so that I can have a few more weeks with her. After everything that she has done for me over the years, she deserves better than that.

I’m distracted and don’t know what to do with the time. I’ve attempted to write several posts and have become disinterested quite quickly with them. I’ve tried to mark coursework but can’t focus. I’ve been for a walk to the shops. I’m half-watching Ina Garten instruct me on how to make a brownie pie, and I started searching around the web for interesting things to read, but I stopped when a horrific story of animal cruelty appeared – I can’t deal with that at the best of times and I’m certainly not in a place where I can deal with it today.

I’m completely lost.

Regardless of what happens today, I am going up to my mum’s house tomorrow for a few days. I need a break. I need to relax and sleep. I need to lie back and not worry about coursework, or house moves, or illness, or the fact that I’m going to lose the best friend I’ve ever had.

But for now, I’m just waiting…

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I saw this quote from Karen Lamb and it really resonated with me this morning.

Currently, it is 1.00pm. I got out of bed at 8.30am, went to the shop to buy bacon, cooked The Bloke some bacon sandwiches, took them to him so he could have breakfast in bed, and ever since then I have been sat in bed, blogging. I started to write a post about one thing, I got bored and saved it for later, and then repeated the process with something else.

This would be fine, except for the fact that I have a monumental amount of marking and planning to do for next week and three major things in particular need to be finished off and emailed to my line manager by the end of today. I have several loads of washing to do, I have to put away my clean clothes and the upstairs part of the house needs vacuuming.

This is a nasty habit that I have developed over the last few years – my life has become procrastination central. The main issue isn’t that the marking and planning doesn’t interest me – once I’ve begun and ‘in the zone’ so to speak, I find that I can get quite absorbed with what I’m doing and feel a sense of satisfaction when it is completed – it’s getting the motivation to start doing it in the first place. This morning I had a thought:

If I had started this work yesterday I would have been finished by now…

If I do nothing else this year, this is the thing that I would like to change the most over 2014. So much so, in fact, that I am going to now put down my laptop, pick up my school laptop, do the work and then reward myself tomorrow with an uninterrupted blog fest in a tidy house, guilt free.

http://dailypost.wordpress.com/2014/01/27/daily-prompt-barriers/

What about you guys? Does procrastination work for you?

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You can also find me on Twitter and Tumblr @Suzie81blog

I wrote this earlier, but it applies to the current Daily Prompt so I thought that I would link it in…