The Cat Owner’s Guide To Wrapping Christmas Presents

Items needed:

  • Presents
  • Wrapping paper
  • Ribbon
  • Gift tags
  • Scissors
  • Sticky tape
  • Two cats: Cat A that has decided he wants a cuddle and Cat B that has just woken up after sleeping for the majority of the day and is in the mood to play.

Instructions:

Step 1: Sit on floor in the middle of the room. Remove Cat A from lap.

Step 2: Take out items needed from carrier bag, having previously purchased them that day from the only card shop in your local area amidst a fury of seemingly angry women and their screaming children. Stop Cat B from sniffing the scissors.

Step 3: Cut strips of sticky tape and stick them along the edge of the wooden coffee table to make the wrapping process easier. Stop Cat B from batting at the sticky tape.

Step 4: Remove wrapping paper from clear plastic film. Stop Cat B from attempting to chew this. Remove Cat A from lap.

Step 5. Unroll wrapping paper and attempt to cut out required amount of wrapping paper on the floor. Remove Cat A from the middle of the paper. End up cutting out paper while standing up. Stop Cat B from batting sticky tape.

Step 6: Wrap present while Cat A sticks his nose in the middle of the paper. Avoid accidentally sticking Cat A’s whiskers to the paper when adding sticky tape. Notice that Cat B is shaking her paw furiously and realise that she has got a piece of sticky tape stuck to it. Remove sticky tape from paw. Remove Cat A from lap.

Step 7: Cut ribbon. Stop Cat A and Cat B from playing with the ends of ribbon.

Step 8: Write gift tag. Write another gift tag after Cat B, who is still on a personal mission to play with the ribbon, pounces and nudges the pen, resulting in a line across the original gift tag.

Step 9: Stand up to cut another piece of wrapping paper out. Sit back down and place wrapping paper on floor. Remove Cat A from paper. Stand up to cut another piece of paper after Cat A digs claws into paper during removal process, ripping a hole in the middle of it.

Step 10: Repeat Steps 6 and 7.

Step 11: Remove both cats from room and continue to wrap presents. Listen to Cat B cry loudly for ten minutes.

Step 12: Go upstairs after remembering a forgotten present. Upon your return, remove Cat A from carrier bag.

Step 13: Wrap present surprisingly easily. Spend ten minutes looking for pen to write gift card. Discover Cat B playing with pen on kitchen floor.

Step 14: Return to room to find Cat A chewing on the corner of the ribbon on one of the presents. Remove ribbon from Cat A’s mouth, only to discover a large patch of cat slobber on the corner of the paper. Re-wrap present.

Step 15: Give discarded ribbon to Cat A. Watch as Cat A sniffs it and walks away.

Step 16: Take out some gift bags to put presents in. Start to place presents in first bag. Remove Cat B from second bag. Stop Cat A from chewing on handle of third bag.

Step 17: Place filled bags in wardrobe. Sit on couch to write Christmas cards. Hear a faint cry from upstairs. Remove cat from wardrobe.

It’s a good job they’re cute…

Exhibit A: Daisy (Cat B)

Exhibit A: Daisy (Cat B)

What about you guys? Do your animals make a seemingly easy process much more complicated?

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Image 1 credit: newschoolnomads.com