For some of us, people-pleasing is practically a personality trait. It’s not always obvious at first – saying yes to plans, helping someone out, being the “reliable one” in the group. But when your need to be helpful starts draining your energy, your time, and your sense of self, something has to give.

I spent decades saying yes when I wanted to say no. 

That’s not an exaggeration. I organised outings I didn’t want to go on, stayed out late because someone insisted I couldn’t leave yet, did jobs for others that had absolutely nothing to do with me, and found myself tangled in everyone else’s responsibilities – housesitting, pet sitting (LOTS of pet sitting), taking in endless parcels for neighbours who couldn’t be bothered to answer the door (who then expected me to drop them round later), picking up prescriptions, sitting in cars while friends ran their errands on the way to the place we were actually supposed to be going, I went along with what others want to eat, watch, or do, because I didn’t want to seem bossy – simply because I didn’t know how to say, “That’s not my responsibility.”

Continue reading →