Somewhere deep in the menopausal experience, many women reach a very specific stage. It is not necessarily rage or sadness, or even exhaustion as such (although that is usually present in the background)… it’s the moment you realise that there are simply some things you no longer care about and that this is not a problem to be fixed.

Enter the We Do Not Care Club, a social media phenomenon created by Justbeingmelani, which has resonated with menopausal women in a way very few things manage to do. Melani’s content is funny, blunt and uncomfortably accurate and she has become enormously popular in a short period of time, mainly because I think the We Do Not Care Club gives a name to a whole plethora of things that so many of us have quietly been experiencing without realising it was shared.

Melani starts her videos with the same thing, as if she is chairing a meeting:

“Welcome to all new and existing members of the We Do Not Care Club. I started this club for all women in perimenopause, menopause and post menopause. We are putting the world on notice that we simply just do not care much anymore. Now let’s go ahead and get started with today’s announcements…”

She then reads out comments that followers have left on her videos about what they don’t care about, and ticks them off like an agenda. 

And it’s hilarious. 

Some of my recent favourites include:

We do not care if we sneeze and happen to pass gas at the same time. We are concentrating on not peeing ourselves… you can’t have both. 

We do not care if we wrote something on the To Do list that we just did. We did it, so we are marking it off.

We do not care if you ask, “are you ok?” No, and yes, and mind your business.

We do not care if we suddenly hate loud noises, bras, or people in general.

We do not care if our eyes are shut. We are listening to that programme. Don’t touch the remote. 

We do not care about anything during a hot flash. The only thing that exists is the hot flash. We will rejoin the regularly scheduled programming momentarily. 

We do not care if we need a nap after doing absolutely nothing. 

We do not care if we have asked you the same question 13 times. We do not remember the answer. Say it again.

We do not care if we have been binge-watching the same cooking for for 5 hours. We don’t wanna cook, we wanna watch other people cook. 

The Birmingham Chapter

As I am navigating my way through my forties, I have noticed that I too care about fewer things. Not in a detached or apathetic way, but in a more selective one. Energy feels more limited and therefore more valuable, and I am far more aware of what is worth spending it on. What remains matters more, and everything else is falling away.

As a proud member of the Birmingham Chapter of the We Do Not Care Club, here are a bunch of things that I no longer care much about.

We do not care about finishing the sentence we started. The thought has left the building.

We do not care about staying out late. If it starts after 8pm, it had better be exceptional.

We do not care about loud places. If we cannot hear ourselves think, we are leaving.

We do not care about wearing uncomfortable clothes. Life is hard enough without trousers that fight back.

We do not care about what we came in here for. If it was important, it will reveal itself later.

We do not care that we used to love this. Past versions of us had different knees and far more patience.

We do not care about matching socks. Both socks are present. This is a success.

We do not care about normal sleep patterns. Sleep is now a suggestion, not a rule.

We do not care about multitasking. One task is ambitious enough.

We do not care if this makes us sound old. We are tired and correct.

So, to wrap things up, this phase of life comes with fewer filters, less patience for nonsense, and a much clearer sense of what actually matters. There are no action points, no follow ups, and no intention to circle back on any of this. 

Thank you for your time, we will not be taking questions, and this concludes today’s meeting.