She Was There – Goodbye My Little Friend

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Today, I lost my little friend.

I often see the phrase ‘I have no words‘ written after the death of someone important. I have plenty of words. Hundreds.

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My Little Friend

From that very first day when she pushed against my hand at the RSPCA centre she has been a huge support in my life, the only constant that has been with me for thirteen years. She’s seen me through my graduation, she sat on my lap when I typed up applications for job interviews and she celebrated with me when I got them, she was there when I began new relationships, she was there when they ended, she was there during the highest and lowest points of my life. She has moved house with me six times, taking every move in her little stride. We’ve seen in countless New Years, birthdays and Christmas’s together. She would chase me around the house with her stuffed toys, her eyes growing wider just before she was about to pounce. She was there when my family broke apart.

She was there.

When others have judged me, insulted me, put me down and dismissed me, she has been the one thing that has never failed to greet me after a bad day and show me unconditional love. Every night, as I got into bed, she would lay on me and give me a kiss goodnight before retiring to her own little bed in the corner of my room. If I cried, she would jump up and push her head against mine. She was always an independent soul and made it perfectly clear when she wanted to be left alone (I have the scars to prove it) and right to the very end her feisty nature and her hatred of the other cats never waned. She was funny, she had a quirky little personality and could never quite establish a normal miaow, instead creating something that resembled more of a squeak. Her presence allowed me the confidence to feel safe on my own in the house at night. She was my little safety net in times of darkness, and made the happy times seem so much brighter.

Some may role their eyes and proclaim that she was ‘just a cat.’ To me, she wasn’t just a cat, she was my company, my confidante, my family and at times she was my only friend.

She was there. She was mine.

I was with her in her last moments. At the age of nineteen I know that she had a good life, but that doesn’t make it any easier. I did everything I could for her and I know that she was happy and loved, but I wish that I could turn back the clock and live it all over again with her. I want to bring her home and protect her. I want to feed her, play with her, cuddle up with her, talk to her.

What I don’t know is how I am possibly going to do the rest without her.

Goodbye, my little friend. I’ll miss you forever.

You can also find me on Twitter and Tumblr @suzie81blog

 

Thank you so much for all the comments of support that I have received since publishing this post… Your messages have made me smile, made me cry and are helping me to come to terms with things. 

106 thoughts on “She Was There – Goodbye My Little Friend”

  2. What a tender sweet post…those who would roll their eyes have never had this kind of unconditional love. Pets are an integral part of our families…I’m sorry for your loss, but know that you have so many wonderful memories to treasure and hold. Bless you.

  6. Oh, Suzie, I am sorry for your loss. You obviously loved your little friend for all the right reasons, and she lived a long and happy life because of that connection with you.

  7. Sorry to hear of her passing – big hugs. I remember the passing of our first cat some 10 years ago, and I remember her first days some 15 years before that. The loss of a companion after so long is hard to come to terms with – be it human or animal. It is still a companion. Hold on to the memories, and know that her unconditional love will always be a part of you. Kia kaha, aroha! (be strong and love).

  9. She will probably stay around you, to comfort you, so don’t be shy about talking to her. She surrounds you with love – your connection remains very strong! xx :-)))

  11. A beautifully written, poignant post which has brought tears to my eyes. I’m so very sorry to hear about Wobbly. As a cat owner myself I understand how much ofor anew impact these beautiful animals have on our lives. She was a fantastic age and I hope you can take some comfort from the fact that she had an amazing life with you. Look after yourself.

  12. Sad for you, anyway, let’s say thank you to your little friend for these years you spend togheter. I love cats, too.

  14. Like I said on your FB page my heart is breaking for you, to some our little buddles of fur joy are just “pets” but as you put it so very sweetly…..your furkid was so much more. She knew you, she knew when you were sad, sick or just needed that little nudge of assurance. Your post brought tears to my eyes ….. I just wish i was there to give you a hug.

  16. My first cat, all my own, was a sweet calico. She was with me through many of the life transitions you describe and it was impossibly sad to lose her so I do understand, a little , what you’re going through. You were so lucky to have had her, just as she was so lucky to have had you.

  21. My sincere condolences Suzie. What a wonderful moving tribute to your little friend. There is no such thing as “just a cat” – we are companions. Sizi

  22. I’m so sorry to hear about this, Susi. Nothing compares to the pain of losing a pet. They are family as much, if sometimes more, than our human relatives. This was a beautiful post. Thinking of you…

  24. I’m so sorry Suzy. She was such a little love. You may be surprised to catch her in the corner of your eyes from time to time. She’s looking out for you. She may also have to tell you to get another kitty ……. although you have two ………… she’d like you to have one like her if you can find her.

  29. I’m so, so sorry for your loss. This post is an amazing testament to how special she was. Memories are the best remedy.

  31. This is sad Suzie and I am so sorry for your too. I know our pets are family members and best friends and it´s hard if they go. I want to tell you my deepest condolences. I think our all words can´t heal but you have good memories and they will stay strong.

  33. You saved her and she repaid the favor, it sounds like over and over again. But if you loved her in a way that could inspire such a totally touching tribute that could bring tears to all of us who have loved and lost friends like yours – well then, you have no regrets and that my friend is great comfort I am sure. God bless you and comfort you and may you continue to remember the BEST part of you guys which sounds like it was from beginning to end
    ♡
    Di

  35. What a wonderfully moving tribute. We lost our Charcoalette after 21 years. She was a black stray that walked into our lives and stayed. We certainly missed her but now we have Sunday, another black stray, and love continues. Be assured your next furry partner will bring back the joy.

  38. Suzie, I am so sorry for your loss. I am crying at work as I read your post. You WILL see her again one day. I’m convinced of that.

  40. I’m so sorry for your loss, my dear Suzie. Your post was a great tribute to a wonderful and loyal friend. Cherish all the beautiful and warm memories.

  41. She is running around freely and happy on the widest grassy land chasing tweety bird now. She had a great life with someone who loves her like you. Be strong xx

  43. I’m so sorry. I know how deeply the loss of a pet can be. Your pet is a part of you, a part of your family. The loss, regardless of whether old age or disease is devastating

  44. 😦
    So very sorry about your beautiful kitten (they are always kittens)
    Thank you for being such a good owner and giving her the best years of her life. Remember, relationships go both ways. 🙂

  49. Suzi, as soon as I saw your title “Goodbye little Friend” I knew I couldn’t look at that post for a bit, because I knew what you had to do. Words can’t express how sorry I am to hear you lost your kitty. It’s so nice that you could be there with her as she transitioned because our dear, dear pets deserve that kind touch and to be with someone they love. My heart goes out to you. Big hugs.

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