On Friday night I logged off and sank back into the couch. Last week wasn’t particularly bad, but it was certainly intense in the sheer volume of work that appeared on my daily lists. While everything got done I was left feeling mentally and physically exhausted. 

Additionally, my sleep patterns have been all over the place (thank you, peri-menopause), and this has resulted in lots of my working hours being conducted through what has felt like a hazy fog behind my eyeballs recently. 

Working for myself has a number of positives… in theory. I don’t have an awful daily commute, I can set my own hours, choose who I work with and I don’t have a micro-managing, passive-aggressive line manager to deal with (of which I have experienced many). While these are all things that I appreciate on a daily basis, I have found that as my client base has grown, an increasing level of fear has accompanied it… 

I’ve always dealt with varying levels of imposter syndrome and attempt to ignore the nagging little voices that tell me I’m not good enough, but what has appeared more frequently this year is the fear that it will all go away. In previous jobs I always had the backup of knowing that in times of crisis, my job role would be covered and I would still receive my salary at the end of each month. In this job, however, I can never be completely sure of anything. This year has exacerbated those fears by showing me that, should anything bad happen that requires immediate attention in my personal life, the work still needs to get done and I’m on my own. Quite simply, if I don’t do the work, I don’t get paid, and while I’m lucky that the clients that I work with are (and have been) absolutely fantastic I still need to keep on top of everything or I won’t be able to pay my rent and bills. 

And so, I’ll go above and beyond to make sure that I keep everyone happy. Generally, I’m pretty good at prioritising, have got much better at setting boundaries, schedule as much as I can in advance and work through a checklist every day. But even doing this has left little time for my own personal wellbeing, and I’m beginning to feel the effects of it. It’s not uncommon for me to work late into the evenings, at weekends and during holidays.

The consistently intense working patterns means I find it difficult to switch off. Consequently, during any ‘free time’ I may have, I can’t quite truly relax – my attempts to rest or catch up on sleep are always followed with the feelings of guilt or that I should be doing something, even though I’m not sure what it is. There’s a level of discomfort in not doing anything.

While I can be proud of the fact that I have achieved everything I set out to do when I started working for myself and more, this was not the situation I wanted to be in. 

Yesterday, I decided to at least make an attempt to start to change things. 

I did nothing that was work related. My messed-up sleeping patterns meant that I was awake at silly o’clock, so I accepted it and caught up on my favourite YouTube channels. Later in the morning, I walked to the shop and purchased my favourite comfort foods, then snuggled up in my favourite fluffy blanket and started watching a movie. 

And fell asleep.

And woke up. And ate food that made me smile. 

And fell asleep again. 

I didn’t read my text messages or emails. I didn’t check client social media accounts. I didn’t think about content ideas. My entire day consisted of relaxing, sleeping, eating, drinking lots of water, watching movies (or at least part of them) and talking nonsense at The Bloke… with zero guilt. 

And for once, my next-door neighbours and their screaming child didn’t have a party or a barbecue.

Being productively unproductive was wonderful. 

As a result, I felt better this morning than I have in a while. I still have that hazy fog feeling behind my eyes, but it is less than it was. My mind is clearer. I feel more positive and motivated. Better still, taking the time to do absolutely nothing yesterday has meant that I want to do things today, instead of doing things because I feel I should. 

Tips for Being Productively Unproductive

Give yourself permission and remove the feelings of guilt. It’s okay not to be on it all the time. You are allowed to rest. You are allowed to have time for yourself. Looking after your physical, emotional and mental wellbeing isn’t selfish.

Switch the mindset from ‘doing’ to ‘being.’ Being productively unproductive isn’t always about doing nothing. Instead, focus on the things that bring joy and allow your mind to relax, just because. Some people find relaxation in and stress release in exercise, meditation, creative ideas like drawing, writing etc. I like to doodle in my bullet journal in the evenings to give my brain the chance to decompress slightly after a busy day, or I take a long hot bath and listen to my favourite playlist.

Invest more quality time in your relationships. The Bloke is very understanding and supportive of my working life, but it has had an impact on the amount of quality time we spend together. Similarly, since my workload began to increase, I have spent less time with family and good friends. It’s an unpleasant thing to admit, but going out for a day trip somewhere, meeting a friend for lunch or having a drink at the pub etc has sometimes felt like a burden over the last few years – taking away from time that I could be working – and has just been mentally added to the list of things I have to do, often with an underlying level of resentment. It was only recently that I realised that this was my mindset. 

Turn off the work tech. It can wait.

Do you take the time to be productively unproductive? Let me know in the comments below!