When Suzie Met Dolph

In August the brother of my oldest friend shared an advert on Facebook for a Sci Fi convention taking place in Manchester on the 2nd and 3rd December. Now, those of you who follow the blog regularly will know that The Bloke is an enormous geek, but while I like to embrace his geekiness, the convention wouldn’t necessarily be the sort of thing I would actively seek out. That is, until I saw that one person in particular would be appearing: Continue reading

Real Life Versus The Movies

Just for today, I would like you to indulge me and imagine this scenario.

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You go on holiday with your hard-working, well-respected doctor husband and your two teenage (and rather sheltered) daughters. When you arrive, your seventeen year old daughter, Frances, who has designs of going to college and later joining the Peace Corps, develops a crush on a twenty-five year old dance instructor, Jonny, who works at the resort you are staying at. His dance partner is pregnant and your daughter lies to borrow money from your husband so she can pay for an illegal abortion for this woman. When it goes wrong, she wakes you up in the middle of the night and asks your husband to save this woman’s life. He does, but forbids your daughter to see these people ever again.

During your stay your daughter sneaks behind your back on numerous occasions to be with this dance instructor (who isn’t always nice to her), to have dance lessons so she can fill in for his partner who is still recovering. She inevitably has sex with him. After he is accused of stealing, your daughter confesses that he’s innocent because he was with her, smearing the family reputation.

On your final night at the resort, the dance instructor appears, insults your husband (nobody puts Baby in the corner) and then proceeds to drag your daughter up onto the stage in front of everybody and dance with her, feeling her up in the process.

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Would you and your husband join in with the ‘dirty dancing’ after your daughter has performed and is busy ‘making out’ with the dance instructor in the middle of the room? No, you wouldn’t. In several countries Jonny would now be in prison for statutory rape and trespassing and your husband would be facing charges of assault.

Or perhaps I need to stop over-thinking things…

You can also find me on Twitter and Tumblr @suzie81blog

 

Both gifs were taken from socialphy.com

Alternative Oscar Highlights

I didn’t watch the Oscars last night – it was shown on Sky, which I don’t have, and so I followed it through Twitter and online videos and updates.

The were several highlights that I could discuss – Jennifer Lawrence’s ability to stay upright, Sandra Bullock’s stunning dress, Jarod Leto’s moving speech, the fabulous vocal performances from Pink and Idina Menzel and, of course, Ellen DeGeneres’s hilarious hosting skills. However, these were some of the things that made me smile throughout the night.

Benedict Cumberbatch photobombs U2 on the red carpet

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Brad Pitt scarfs pizza that was ordered by Ellen DeGeneres during the ceremony (and I’m slightly concerned about the boob that looks like it is about to pop out in the background)

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A national newspaper decides to rename the most famous song from ‘The Wizard of Oz’ – I’m sure ‘Somewhere Over The Window’ will be just as popular as the original…

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And finally, courtesy of Ellen DeGeneres… The greatest selfie ever!

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What about you guys? What was your favourite Oscar moment? You can also find me on Twitter and Tumblr @suzie81blog

I Said… Put The Bunny… Back In The Box

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I’d forgotten just how great Con Air is, until I watched it again last night for the first time in years.

For those of you that haven’t seen it, the plot is fairly simple – Cameron Poe (Nicholas Cage), a highly decorated US ranger, is convicted of manslaughter after protecting his wife in a drunken brawl. Finally, after eight years, he’s being paroled and going home to his wife and daughter. His ride home is the Jailbird, which also happens to be transporting some of society’s most vicious criminals to  Feltham Penitentiary, Lousiana’s toughest maximum security prison. An escape is made on board by Cyrus ‘The Virus’ Grissom and the cons seize control of the plane with the intention to fly to Mexico. The officials on the ground want to blow it up, but US Marshal Vince Larkin (John Cusak) and Poe have other ideas…

What I love about the film is the fact that it is one enormous cliche. It’s a fabulous cast and superbly acted, with big budget explosions, quick set-ups and on-going end sequences (Poe saves the day and could quite easily go home with his wife and child but then insists on hunting the bad guys down until he’s killed them in gruesome ways, only to end the film with a very ‘corn-ball’ reunion with his family). The dialogue is witty to the very end.

Cameron Poe: [to Larkin] Sorry boss, but there’s only two men I trust. One of them’s me. The other’s not you.

Duncan Malloy: This is a situation that needs to get unfucked, right now!

Cameron Poe: [smashing Johnny 23’s head into the cage wall on each word] Don’t… *treat*… *women*… *like*… *that*!

 

[referring to Malloy’s Corvette falling from the plane]

Vince Larkin: I know a good body shop in Fresno if it’s insured.

Duncan Malloy: I was bored with that car anyway.

Vince Larkin: It worked out nicely, then.

 

Cyrus Grissom: Considering my audience, I’m going to make this very quick and very simple. [points to objects in the sand]

Cyrus Grissom: This is the boneyard, this is the hanger, this is our plane.

Viking: [points] What’s that?

Cyrus Grissom: That’s a rock.

[knocks it out of the way]

Viking: Okay.

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Some of the one-liners made me laugh out loud at the sheer cheesiness of the delivery. Consequently, this made me think about other films I’ve watched recently. I often find that the worst lines in a film are what makes them so good:

“Kenner, just incase we get killed, I wanted to tell you, you have the biggest dick I’ve ever seen on a man…” Brandon Lee – Showdown In Little Tokyo.

“You’re a virus, and I’m the cure.” Stallone – Cobra.

“Death. Courts adjourned.” Stallone – Judge Dredd

“I don’t know who you are. I don’t know what you want. If you are looking for ransom, I can tell you I don’t have money. But what I do have are a very particular set of skills; skills I have acquired over a very long career. Skills that make me a nightmare for people like you. If you let my daughter go now, that’ll be the end of it. I will not look for you, I will not pursue you. But if you don’t, I will look for you, I will find you, and I will kill you.” Liam Neeson – Taken

“I don’t like sand. It’s coarse and rough and irritating and it gets everywhere. Not like here. Here everything is soft and smooth.” Hayden Christiansen – Star Wars Episode II: Attack of the Clones

“Is it still raining? I hadn’t noticed.” Andi McDowell – Four Weddings and  A Funeral

 

Maverick: I feel the need…

Maverick/Goose: …the need for speed! Tom Cruise – Top Gun

 

“It’s turkey time. Gobble gobble.” Jennifer Lopez – Gigli

 

[the T-1000 has fallen into a vat of molten steel]

John Connor: Is it dead?

The Terminator: Terminated. Arnold Schwarzenegger – Terminator

 

Vilain: You must want to hurt me bad.

Barney Ross: I’m not gonna hurt you. I’m gonna take your life. The Expendables 2

 

“I know he loves you. He’d kill tigers for you.” Marissa Tomei – Only You

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I wonder what the reaction of the real – world population would be if we actually used these lines in our daily conversation… I can imagine a few slaps across the face or large amounts of eye-rolling would occur. I love them – bring on the Brie!

What about you? What are your favourite cheesy lines from your favourite films?

You can also find me on Twitter and Tumblr @suzie81blog

Picture credits: stills from Con Air