Me, Myself and I #2

Posted on July 26, 2015 by suzie81speaks

As a further opportunity to share a little about yourself and find out about your fellow bloggers, here is the second installment of ‘Me, Myself and I,’ a weekly collaboration I have started with the lovely Sare over at Diary of a Teachaholic. For further information about the link up, simply click here.

It is Sare’s turn to ask the questions this week…

1. Why did you start blogging?

I was experiencing a difficult time in my personal life. As I had always enjoyed writing, The Bloke suggested that I start a blog, and the rest is history really. It’s a very addictive hobby with a wonderful network of support, and it has been the best form of therapy I have ever had! Continue reading →

Waiting…

Posted on July 14, 2015 by suzie81speaks

I’m feeling really anxious today, but can’t put my finger on the reason why. I’ve been awake since 5.00am, and since then I haven’t been able to shake the feeling that I should be doing something. I’ve been for a run, I’ve continued in yesterday’s house blitz and I’ve bought something nice for dinner later. However, it hasn’t helped.

It’s been an odd time – the students now know that I’m going, I’ve taught my last ever lesson as a classroom teacher, my final coursework folder is almost finished, my data is complete and from tomorrow I have just three days of activities with my form left in the academic year. Continue reading →

Accepting Average

Posted on May 27, 2015 by suzie81speaks

Six weeks ago a friend and I were walking down the main high street in Birmingham, when we were stopped by someone who was promoting a new photography studio that had just opened in the city. After a conversation, we came to a deal that involved a makeover and photography day for us both, complete with champagne and various treatments at an enormous discount. Since then, we’ve had the date firmly booked into our calendars and we’ve been looking forward to it.

Until today, that is.

The shoot is tomorrow. It is rare that I will discuss issues of body confidence unless it focuses on the positive, but today I had to choose a series of outfits to take with me, and the whole process left me feeling totally deflated.

I’m not fashionable or fashion conscious, and never have been. I prefer to spend my time in sweaters and tracksuits bottoms in my spare time, my hair is scraped back on the top of my head and the last time I put any effort into applying make up was in March for my friend’s birthday. My reflection in the mirror today was quite a sorry state – my hair hasn’t been cut for about two years, I have never had a manicure and my eyebrows are beginning to take over my face.

On an average day, this doesn’t necessarily bother me – I have a busy and often stressful life and have better things to worry about than whether my nails are painted. I tell myself that I’m an average woman and I am comfortable with that. However, the process of getting ready today reminded me of how many beautiful clothes I can no longer fit into – my favourite dresses won’t go past my thighs, jackets won’t fit on my arms, and once baggy tops are now tight, revealing the gut that has steadily appeared over the last five years.

It has served as a reminder of just how much I have let myself go. Having to stand in fromt of a camera tomorrow (even when there is champagne involved) is one of the most daunting things I have experienced in a while. It has made me realise that I’m accepting average, and I deserve far more than that.

What about you – do you like what you see in your reflection? Are you open about body confidence issues with your loved ones?

You can also find me on Twitter and Tumblr @suzie81blog and don’t forget to check out my Facebook page http://www.facebook.com/suzie81speaks and Pinterest page http://www.pinterest.com/suzie81speaks

Want to find out what happened? Click the image below to see the results!

Eurovision 2015: A Deserving Winner and an Embarrassment for the UK

Posted on May 25, 2015 by suzie81speaks

Måns Zelmerlöw from Sweden

The Eurovision results are in and Sweden, the favourite, was declared the winner. It was a catchy song, with simple but effective staging and deserved the crown. I had a good evening – The Bloke and I got the snacky treats in, we gorged ourselves during the contest and I was amused by the thousands of Twitter comments that dominated my timeline for the majority of the evening. Admittedly, it was a little more relaxed (and dare I say, dull) this year – the competition was littered by powerful ballads, with a distinct lack of gimmicks that I have come to associate Eurovision with over the years. Clearly, many have started to take it much more seriously.

To make things a bit more interesting, I had teamed up with Steve from Steve Says and Talk About Pop Music and Hugh from Hugh’s Views and News prior to the final to offer our predictions for the outcome. Here were our predictions:

And here is the final list:

I got seven of the top 10, as did Steve, and Hugh got six, so I think we did quite well. However, all three of us were quite deflated at the fact that the UK yet again was more of the comedy item for the year and we finished in a much deserved 24th place. Steve did a fantastic post about this, that I totally agree with. As one of the ‘Big Five,’ who contribute the most money and automatically gain a place in the final, you’d think that whoever is in charge would take it a little more seriously and stop submitting the rubbish that they come up with every year. It was embarrassing to see our entry – a Mick Jagger tribute and an unknown reality contestant – prancing around on the stage wearing, as Steve put it ‘cheap wrap-around glow sticks purchased at Poundland,’ to some awful charleston inspired nonsense and attempting to resurrect Louis Armstrong. No, BBC, just no.

To make matters worse, we can’t even blame the tactical political voting that has been such a prominent part of the system for so many years – there was far less of this in the competition, with countries giving 12 points to countries that they wouldn’t normally vote for.

I was, however, delighted for Guy Sebastian and his brilliant performance for Australia. So much so, in fact, I bought the song from iTunes and have been listening to it constantly since the competition ended.

What did you think of the contest? Did the right person win?

You can also find me on Twitter and Tumblr @suzie81blog and don’t forget to check out my Facebook page http://www.facebook.com/suzie81speaks and my new Pinterest page http://www.pinterest.com/suzie81speaks

GE2015: Fifty Shades Of Numpty

Posted on May 8, 2015 by suzie81speaks

After today’s election result I have come to the decision that Britain must be made up of masochists – it must be the reason why Fifty Shades sold so many copies over here. Granted, the pickings were slim and we essentially had two choices: Odo from Star Trek or Wallace from Wallace and Gromit.

Separated at birth…

It was hardly a Rumble in the Jungle, more of a posh girly slap fight in the park with lots of added graphics and a massive jigsaw of the UK on the floor, but I have been riveted since early this morning.

Cracking cheese, Gromit!

After being whipped by Odo for the last five years, it seemed common sense to me that people would prefer to give Wallace a chance to exercise his cat o nine tails. There would certainly be pain, but the hope was there that he would possibly go a little easier on us… There was also the added bonus in that a certain Twitter antagonist and all-round wind-up merchant said she would leave the country if Wallace won. It seemed like a win/win situation all round.

Unfortunately, the British public obviously likes pain. Lots of it. And when the chance to slow it down arrived, we patted Odo on the head, told him that it was ok, rolled over and asked for more.

I don’t like pain. I don’t like being in a job that is so stressful it has made me ill. I don’t like waiting for hours in an emergency room because there isn’t enough funding for hospital staff. I don’t like watching my friends lose their jobs, or people lose their homes because they have more bedrooms than people. I don’t like having to bail banks out while their CEOs and shareholders received six figure bonuses.

So, for those of you, like me, who need cheering up today, here is the only thing that I have found that has made me smile on what I consider to be a dark day in British political history…

Yes, it’s a kitten, from underneath.

I hope I am proven wrong…

You can also find me on Twitter and Tumblr @suzie81blog and don’t forget to check out my Facebook page http://www.facebook.com/suzie81speaks

Day By Day

Posted on March 23, 2015 by suzie81speaks

I’m exhausted. It’s been one of those days where I have found myself surrounded by people, all wanting information and documents that are equally important. We have an all-day rehearsal on Wednesday, our big concert on Thursday, there are two large coursework folders due and two different workshops taking place on Friday. On top of rehearsing two different ensembles, getting together the running order for the concert, selling tickets and dealing with several different pastoral issues, I’ve taught a full day where I had to finish off all of my assessments for each class and I finished the day by writing a full set of reports. I didn’t eat lunch and I didn’t go to the toilet. At one point, I just wanted to scream at everyone to leave me alone and run away, but somehow I managed to keep a smile on my face, remain calm, and thankfully didn’t do anything that would have got me fired, so I see today as being a success. I currently resemble a duck on the water – calm on the surface while underneath the legs are furiously paddling away.

After the day had finished, I decided that there was just one thing for it: the pub. I don’t drink much, but tonight my friend sat and had a drink with me while I just took an hour to myself to just try and calm down. When I finally got chance to go to the loo, I caught sight of myself in the mirror. I look a mess – my skin is pale and pasty, I look really tired and I’ve got enormous bags under my eyes. Surely it isn’t right that one person should be responsible for so much?

However, after a drink, a cigarette and a laugh, I walked home. My house was warm and cosy, and I was greeted by The Bloke and two very excitable cats, who were very pleased to see me. There was a lovely smell from The Bloke’s dinner permeating from the kitchen, and clean clothes drying on the airer. I shut the door, and with it, the day.

For the next few hours, my time is my own. I have left my laptop at work, with no intention of doing anything but watching my favourite TV shows and having a long soak in the bath this evening. For the rest of this week, I have decided that I am going to take it day by day, rather than thinking about the big picture, with the ultimate goal of making it to Friday with as few tears as possible.

50 working days to go…

What about you? How do you deal with stressful situations?

You can also find me on Twitter and Tumblr @suzie81blog, and don’t forget to check out my Facebook page http://www.facebook.com/suzie81speaks

Image Credit: skilledinspiration/Tumblr

On Being Vanilla

Posted on February 24, 2015 by suzie81speaks

In the world of ice-cream, my friend is definitely Rocky Road with extra sauce and sprinkles. She’s striking. When she walks into a room, people don’t just notice, they stop what they are doing to stare, and some will even get up and walk over in an effort to speak to her.

The thing is, there isn’t anything specific about my friend that makes her stand out. She’s pretty, but couldn’t anywhere near be classed as model quality, she doesn’t go overboard with her clothes and make-up, she’s intelligent, but not a genius, she’s classy and well-spoken. She possesses that ‘something’ – that special X Factor quality that separates her from the pack. Even more frustratingly, she’s genuinely a very nice person and has no idea about the power that she holds. Her life, to me, seems exciting – she likes to travel and experience new things and isn’t scared of taking risks. She’s a natural leader without being bossy or rude.

I have always been, and always will be, vanilla. This isn’t said in an attempt to hunt for false compliments, it is simply fact – at the age of 33 I have had plenty of time to realise my own strengths and weaknesses. In a group of people I have never been the one to stand out from the crowd – I am that person that merges into the background, the one that blends in. I am not the risk taker – I’ve always been more of a follower than a leader.

Vanilla is used as a derogatory term to describe someone, or their lifestyle as unexciting and conventional. Boring. I used to feel that being thought of as vanilla was a negative thing. Indeed, I used to feel a little short-changed when I was offered ice-cream and then handed vanilla. However, vanilla surprised me. I discovered that:

Vanilla is the second-most expensive spice after saffron.
It is thought to have calming effects and reduce anxiety and stress.
Vanilla is used throughout the baking and cosmetics industry and is often placed in certain foods to eliminate acidity.
Despite its labour – intensive growth and expense, vanilla remains a popular spice in the western world.
From the thousands of ice-cream flavours that exist, vanilla is still consistently voted as the favourite.

As I have aged, I have grown to like being vanilla. It may be a standard flavour, a basic flavour, but to me it is a dependable one that doesn’t change, and yet can be incredibly versatile at the same time in that it compliments the flavours around it. Vanilla doesn’t pretend to be anything else, it is what it is. I like my life and it’s vanilla existence.

And besides, this means that us vanilla girls get to add a cheeky topping occasionally!

What about you? What flavour of ice-cream are you?

You can also find me on Twitter and Tumblr @suzie81blog and don’t forget to visit my Facebook page http://www.facebook.com/suzie81speaks

#1000 Speak: Acts of Compassion and Kindness That Will Restore Your Faith in Humanity

Posted on February 20, 2015 by suzie81speaks

Today is #1000 Speak for Compassion, a blogging event that was designed by Considerings, and Yvonne Spence, and today sees over a thousand bloggers from all over the world coming together to talk about compassion, kindness, support and caring for others.

The world can be a harsh and depressing place, and with the thousands of daily stories of violence and cruelty that are flashed across the media on a daily basis it is easy to forget that there are still good people out there – millions of good people who do beautiful things for others on a daily basis without ever asking for anything in return. In celebration of the event, I thought it would be a nice idea to show you some of these examples of human kindness.

After thousands of people were left without electricity when Hurricane Sandy hit the East Coast, people allowed strangers to charge their phones to allow them to contact their relatives and let them know that they were alright. Image

This local dry cleaners will dry clean an outfit for free for an unemployed person going to an interview. Image

A New York Police Officer gives some boots to a barefoot man. Image

A soldier rescued a baby rabbit and raised it, dedicating hours of his time to make sure it was healthy. Image: Joshua M. Bisnar

A couple with a newborn baby were given this. I’m sure that there are thousands of new parents that understand how wonderful this is. Image

A world class marathon runner slows down to help a disabled man drink some water. Image

A man stopped running to catch his train so that he could help an elderly lady who was struggling with her bags. Image

A police officer handcuffed himself to a young woman who was attempting to commit suicide. He saved her life. Image

This young boy won a huge scavenger hunt contest. He donated his winnings to his neighbour that was battling leukaemia. Image

This pizza place, Rosa’s Fresh Pizza in Philadelphia, is renowned for it’s $1 slices of pizza. Customers also get the opportunity to ‘pay it forward’ by purchasing a slice of pizza for a homeless person – the initial idea was that a customer wrote a message on a post-it-note and it was stuck onto the wall as proof of purchase. However, the scheme has now become so popular that there are no longer any room left on the walls, and so the owner, Mason Wartman now has to keep track of the purchases using the till. Over 8,500 slices have been given to the homeless in the last nine months alone. Image:Reuters

Compassion is not just for the old, or the young. Showing kindness does not depend on what colour, or religion, or sexual orientation someone is. We’re all human, we’re all unique, but we’re all equal.

What could you do for someone today?

You can also find me on Twitter and Tumblr @suzie81blog, and don’t forget to check out my Facebook page http://www.facebook.com/suzie81speaks

Frustrations With The Black Dog – Freewriting

Posted on February 20, 2015 by suzie81speaks

I had plans for this week for the blog. Having a few extra days to myself meant that I have had much more time to do all of the things that I’ve been wanting to do over the last few weeks. However, while the urge to write has been as strong as ever, every time I have sat down to create something, my mind has gone blank. I’ve experienced bloggers block on numerous occasions, but never as bad as this before. I have avoided posting something just for the sake of it, like I used to do in the early days of Suzie81 Speaks, but my lack of ideas has left me feeling really frustrated. Today I have decided to sit down and just write – freewriting was something I used when studying A Level English and I find that it is an effective way of unclogging the mind.

I’ve had quite a bad bout of down days over the last week, and this hasn’t helped. I’ve tried to remain as positive as possible, but the problem with ‘The Black Dog’ is that it takes time for it to subside, and I have to take things one day at a time until things start to ease. Depression has been a feature of my life for a number of years, but it isn’t a constant in the way that it seems to be with others. I can go for months feeling absolutely fine, and then it will suddenly hit me, usually after a period of extreme stress (which is often work related) and the only way that I can deal with it is to live life one day at a time and avoid looking at the big picture until things get better.

I often refrain from writing about my mental health until I feel better, mainly due to the large number of family and friends that now read my blog, but on days like today I offer no apologies to those who are put off or offended by my thoughts. This was the reason why the blog was created in the first place – I needed a place to exorcise the inner demons that were plaguing my everyday life and blogging has proven to be the best form of therapy I’ve ever had. There is still such a stigma surrounding mental health issues and I feel that it is important to discuss them when I need to.

It has been particularly bad over the last few days. I seem to have spent the last few days feeling an intense agitation – the insomnia has returned with a vengeance, I have experienced high levels of anxiety, and the slightest little thing has irritated me because I have been so tired. For example, as I write this, the man who lives on my road who frequently walks up and down shouting to himself is stood outside my house and shouting the same things over and over to himself. Normally, it wouldn’t bother me, he clearly has mental health issues and needs to be treated with understanding and compassion, but in my current state of mind I’m resisting the urge to fling open my door and yell at him to shut the f*ck up. However, I know that this will only make the situation worse and it certainly won’t make me feel any better. I’ve spent the week trying to remain calm and I’ve also been conscious not to take it out on The Bloke, who has also had a week off and has been in pain due to a torn muscle in his back, but he’s noticed that I’ve been a bit quiet and, as usual, he’s been understanding and supportive.

I have also tried to be proactive – I’ve been into work on several occasions and have tidied up my classrooms and cupboards, I’ve done some washing and I’ve treated myself to some tat from the new home store that has opened up on the high street, which always makes me happy, and I’m proud of myself for not taking my usual approach and just retreating to the couch, but I’m getting a bit fed up of feeling like this.

What I need is a break – a proper break away from everything that has been bringing me down. My youngest sister and her new husband have been on their honeymoon over the last week in New York, my middle sister has been jetting off all over Europe with her job and I’ve seen all the lovely pictures that my friends have been posting on various social media accounts of their recent adventures and holidays, and while I’m delighted that they are all having a wonderful time, it has made me realise that The Bloke and I need to get away. We aren’t financially destitute by any means, but over the last few years we have been hit with large unexpected bills which have had to take priority, which we are just beginning to recover from. We try and visit London a few times a year, but the last time we went on holiday was in 2010, when I surprised him with a trip to Paris for five days. We have very different ideas of what makes a holiday – he likes to have lots of things to see and do, whereas I like to lay about by a pool in gloriously hot weather and do nothing for a while – but we’ve decided that our next destination is Washington D.C. I visited there when I was supervising a school trip in 2010, and we ended up being stranded in the city for a week longer than our planned excursion because of the volcanic eruption in Iceland, which grounded all flights back to the UK. The extra week gave us the opportunity to see and experience many more things than we had originally planned, and I completely fell in love with the place, but having 56 young students to take care of meant that I had to constantly be in ‘teacher mode’ and I couldn’t truly relax during the entire trip. I want to go back to experience all of the same things again without having to tell someone where the toilet is or answer random questions like ‘Miss, what’s your favourite pizza topping?’ when I am sitting on the steps of the Lincoln Memorial and contemplating Martin Luther King Jr’s ‘I Have a Dream’ speech.

Still, it gives me something to look forward to and I feel safe in the knowledge that these feelings will eventually subside – they always do. And when it does, I am always left feeling grateful that I have lots of people and things in my life to be thankful for…

What about you guys? What are your tips for dealing with depression?

You can also find me on Twitter and Tumblr @suzie81blog, and don’t forget to check out my Facebook page http://www.facebook.com/suzie81speaks

Image Credit: AJ Giel

The Valentine’s Day Grinch

Posted on February 7, 2015 by suzie81speaks

105

Meh.

Roses are red,

Bacon is red,

Bacon.

With a week to go until Valentine’s Day my social networking feeds are becoming filled with sweet messages of love, vomit-inducing images of couples gazing lovingly into each others eyes and ideas for tacky and unwanted gifts…

Oh joy.

I love love. I love being in love, reading romantic stories and watching romantic films. I’m an advocate for all things heartfelt and passionate and while I don’t believe in the idea of ‘soulmates’ I truly think that there is somebody out there for everybody. I love celebrations and holidays and I look forward to them every year.

However, there is one particular celebration that I dislike: Valentine’s Day. I am the Valentine’s Day Grinch.

I’ll never forget the jealousy I felt when my friend received an enormous anonymous card on her doorstep. It was beautiful, with ‘Will you be my Valentine?’ carefully written on the inside. I was 13 years old and had gone to her house after school for dinner – we heard the sound of the letterbox and there it was, staring at me.

“Who’s it from?” I asked, forcing a smile.

“I’ve no idea!” she squealed at me. (To this day, she still doesn’t have a clue who sent it).

I tried to be happy for her, but secretly I was suppressing a desire to punch her in the face. Why didn’t I get one? What was wrong with me?

This scenario, however childish, is just one of the many reasons why I don’t like Valentine’s Day, despite being in a committed relationship for years. In many circumstances the day serves as a huge slap-in-the-face reminder to single people that they haven’t met ‘The One’ yet, and while most of my single friends in their 30’s are past the point of caring, there are still plenty of those that do. Since the middle of January I have read posts from single bloggers with advice for preparing to spend the day ‘alone.’ I dislike the fact that some are made to believe that their self-worth is defined by their relationship status, and I dislike the pressure that the day often puts on our male counterparts, particularly in the younger generations to make huge gestures and declarations of their feelings for their partners.

Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
I can’t rhyme,
Refrigerator.

However, scientific studies (and by scientific, I mean I asked my friends – but I’m sure there are far more scientific studies out there) have shown that couples equally dislike everything that the day has come to represent. In the shops the masses of Christmas tat is replaced with Valentine’s tat, accompanied by a sea of red cards as soon as the holidays are over, advertisements for flowers, chocolates and cuddly toys appear everywhere and the inevitable conversation between The Bloke and I happens at the end of January:

“Are we doing anything for Valentine’s Day this year?”

“We can if you like, but I’m not that bothered.”

“Me neither. Shall we just stay in?”

“Yeah, fine by me.”

“Are we doing the card thing?”

“Yeah, we can do the card thing, but let’s leave the presents. The vet/car/council tax bill is due next week.”

“Ok.”

bruceallen.com

Most couples always start with good intentions and the excitement of the ‘Honeymoon Period’ is all consuming. I’ve been there on several occasions and those times have been the most exhilarating of my life. The first date, the first kiss, the first ‘I love you’ and everything else in between is a magical experience and everything the new spouse does or says is music to the soul. Family and friends start to roll their eyes as you regale them with yet another story of how wonderful/funny/sweet this person is and the passing of time seems to drag when you aren’t in their company.

However, life will always inevitably get in the way. The cute little underwear bought to impress starts to morph into enormous knickers and sexy night dresses become flannel pyjamas. The hair goes up and the make-up comes off. What is left is essentially the real versions of ourselves, warts and all.

While I love love, I condradict myself in that real life I am not an overly romantic person and I resent the fact that on this one particular day I am expected to be, in essence, ‘romantic.’ February 14th has no connection for me and The Bloke – our anniversary is in November. What if we’re not in the mood that day? What if one of us is ill, or we’ve had a bad day at work. What if I have a stack of marking that needs to be completed?

I appreciate that the positive message behind it is that it is important to take the time to show your loved one that you care and before I start receiving indignant messages I am certainly not begrudging or judging anybody who wishes to go all out on Valentine’s Day, but the real us shouldn’t have to wait for a specific day of the year to demonstrate our feelings in the form of a hurriedly bought gift that has been picked up on the weekly shop. Of course, I’m generalising here, but shouldn’t we try to show our other half how much they mean to us as often as possible rather than on a day that has been created for the purposes of consumerism?

Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
Here’s a poem,
Now shut your face.

dryicons.com

The Bloke runs me a bath in a morning before work. When I’ve had a crap day he cooks me dinner and rubs my feet. He would buy me flowers, but the cats take it upon themselves to eat them. He records TV programmes that he thinks that I’ll like. We surprise each other with little gifts, cards and date nights. My family and friends like him and the cats worship him. On the rare occasions when I return home from a night out after consuming my entire body weight in alcohol he politely ignores my endless wittering and then brings me breakfast in bed the next day to help with my inevitable hangover. This last week has been one of the most difficult that I have experienced in a long time, and he has been my saviour – picking me up from work very late in the evening, cooking my dinner every night, helping me with computer issues as I have done my work and most, importantly, he’s put his big arms around me and told me that it is going to be okay when I have cried on his shoulder. We look after each other when we’re ill. We talk about anything and everything. We’re occasionally grumpy, we snap at each other, and at times we’ve been known to irritate the crap out of each other. We’ve seen the best and the worst of each other. It isn’t perfect – no relationship is – but regardless of whether the day has been good or bad, I know that he’s the person that I want to wake up to each morning. I am an extremely difficult person to live with, he’s a very patient man and I’m very lucky.

So, instead of waiting until Valentines’s Day to tell him how much I love him and how important he is to me, I’m going to continue to (or at least try to) let him know how much I appreciate him in the form of a bacon sandwich every Saturday and Sunday morning, rubbing his feet when they are sore, holding his hand when we walk down the street, booking a table in our favourite restaurant as often as my bank balance will afford, laughing at his awful jokes (which I actually find very funny – don’t tell him that), kissing him goodnight before I go to sleep and apologising when I have been snappy at him.

So, Valentine’s Day, quite frankly, can kiss my foot.

What about you guys? Do you buy into the Valentines’s Day con?

You can also find me on Twitter and Tumblr @suzie81blog and don’t forget to check out my Facebook page http://www.facebook.com/suzie81speaks