The Empty Chair: I Believe You

Posted on July 27, 2015 by suzie81speaks

Image Credit: Amanda Demme/New York Magazine

Warning: Triggers for abuse and assault

Last week a friend of mine was telling me about an incident that had happened when she was walking on her way to her local shop. In front of her were two girls. One in particular was stunningly beautiful and there were a succession of drivers that had honked at her in their cars as they had gone past. A man was walking in the opposite direction to them, but when he saw her he stopped and started heading towards her.

“Can I buy you dinner?” he kept shouting. She ignored him and carried on her conversation with her friend.

“Oi beautiful girl! Let me buy you dinner!”. By this point he had started walking faster in an effort to catch up with them. Again, she ignored him. Suddenly, he grabbed her on the arm and pulled her around.

The girl was startled, and lost her temper, screaming at him. (Note, I’ve toned down the conversation a little here…) Continue reading →

Throwback Thursday: Things People Say and What They Really Mean

Posted on July 23, 2015 by suzie81speaks

1. I’ll be there in twenty minutes: I still haven’t got dressed and can’t find my handbag.

2. I’ll be there as soon as I can, I’m still waiting for a taxi: See number 1.

3. It’s not really my style, but I’m sure it would look good on you: I hate that outfit.

4. Well, if that’s your decision then I’ll support you: I totally disagree with your decision but I’m not going to say anything.

5. Do you think I’m overreacting?: I don’t care whether you think I’m overreacting, I expect you to agree with me.

6. As long as he makes you happy: I think he’s a douchebag. Continue reading →

7/7: In Memoriam

Posted on July 7, 2015 by suzie81speaks

It has been ten years since a group of suicide bombers coordinated a series of attacks across the London transport system during the morning rush hour, killing fifty-two people and injuring over seven hundred.

I was at a job interview in Birmingham, my first since graduating. I didn’t want to be there – it was for a telecommunications company and I knew that it would mostly entail cold-calling the general public – but fear of not being able to pay the bills meant that I found myself in a room with about twenty-five other people, making polite conversation and building structures with Meccano to demonstrate my ‘team working’ skills. Continue reading →

One Step Forward, Three Steps Back

Posted on June 6, 2015 by suzie81speaks

152

I saw this on Facebook this morning – perfect.

I went to the pub yesterday after work to meet my friend. It has been a challenging time for her – after ending her relationship of eleven years she has had to move house and adjust to living on her own for the first time since she moved to Birmingham in 2001. Understandably, she’s been through the whole spectrum of emotions, but yesterday I noticed that there was a slight change in her – it was the first time that she hadn’t mentioned her ex and she seemed much more settled. Just before we parted ways to go home, I recalled a conversation that we had just after the break-up, where she said that she wished she could use a time machine to skip ahead by six months just so she wouldn’t have to go through the process of changing her life. Six months later, she’s at the point where she wanted to be – she’s established in her new home, she’s enjoying her own company and she has reached a point where she doesn’t think about her ex every day. I’m proud of her – she’s been so strong and I’m glad everything is beginning to work out. She deserves it.

I can totally relate to her sentiments all those months ago. I want a time machine too.

I have just six weeks left until I leave my job. I have a plan for how I want my new life to be, but it seems that every time I take a step forward something intervenes and pushes me three steps backwards. While I often live life by the proverbial seat of my pants, being far too disorganised to plan effectively in the way that others appear to do, I have had to ensure that my decision to quit a permanent, full-time post will not have a financially devastating impact on the life that The Bloke and I live. I’ve saved every penny I can and have been living off as little as possible, I booked meetings with important people who are offering me exciting employment opportunities and I finally started to see a small light at the end of the tunnel. The Bloke and I have even started saving up for our first holiday in five years. Normally, because of my contracted hours, we have always had to plan any trips during the school holidays as I am not allowed time off during term-time, but we realised that we wouldn’t have the same restriction this year. We decided that we were going to get a package deal to somewhere in Europe in September – it’s much cheaper and there would be no children around as they would be at school, and we found an offer for the beautiful Greek island of Kefalonia (watch Captain Corelli’s Mandolin to see just how stunning it is).

Daisy, The Dream Killer

However, this week has been a continuous battle. The meetings that were booked weeks ago were cancelled, my workload has been utterly ridiculous due to the fact that it is exam season, all of the coursework has to be finished and we have two major performances (including a musical theatre production) that happen within a week of each other. To add the icing on the cake, my cat, Daisy (who will now be referred to as ‘Daisy, The Dream Killer’) needed emergency dental surgery, taking a portion of my savings – essentially the money we had put away for the holiday, so now we have to start again. Consequently, the anxiety, panic and insomnia has returned and I went into what I consider to be ‘survival mode,’ getting through each day an hour at a time instead of looking at the big picture. I’ve breathed a sigh of relief as I’ve walked through the front door to my home every evening, and congratulated myself for making it through the day. My saving grace is normally the blog, but there has been no time to even look at it aside from a quick post at the beginning of the week, never mind contribute a post or reply to comments, and worse still, I’ve been that stressed out that I didn’t even notice. It was only when I received a few messages from some lovely bloggy friends that I realised just how much I needed to catch up on (thanks, by the way).

I want it to be over. It’s only six weeks, but it seems like an absolute lifetime away.

My friend provided the biggest inspiration yesterday. It’s still going to be a tough road ahead, but she’s proof that every small victory is one step closer to winning that war. Daisy has made a swift recovery and has now resumed her daily routine of sleeping, eating and sleeping some more. I still have several pay checks yet to contribute towards my savings. I will re-schedule the meetings. The next few weeks will be stressful, but it is just weeks – it’s isn’t as if I have to wait months, or years for my new life.

And when I’m sitting on a beautiful beach in September, I know the fight will be worth it.

What about you guys? How has your week been?

You can also find me on Twitter and Tumblr @suzie81blog and you can also find me on my Facebook page http://www.facebook.com/suzie81speaks and Pinterest http://www.pinterest.com/suzie81speaks

25 Thoughts for the Day

Posted on May 25, 2015 by suzie81speaks

During my many travels around the internet I always stumble across things that make me laugh, cry and think. While some roll their eyes at the mere mention of inspirational quotes and thoughts, I like to compile groups of them and save them on my phone as a tool to get me through the day. Here are some of my favourites…

1. A fine is a tax for doing something wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.

2. School teaches lessons and then gives us a test. Life gives us a test and then we learn the lessons from it.

3. Life was much simpler when Apple, Blackberry and Raspberry were just fruit.

4. There is always an element of truth behind ‘just kidding.’

5. There is always knowledge behind ‘I don’t know.’

6. There is always emotion behind ‘I don’t care.’

7. There is always pain behind ‘It’s okay.’

8. You can’t buy love, but there are times where you may pay heavily for it.

9. Money can’t buy happiness, but it is far more comfortable to cry in a Mercedes than on a bicycle.

10. Alcohol does not solve problems, but neither does milk.

11. We buy things that we don’t need, with money that we don’t have, to impress people we don’t like.

12. If you tell the truth, you never have to remember a lie.

13. If there are no ups and down in life, it means you’re dead.

14. The people with the best advice to give are usually the ones with the most problems.

15. Teenagers have the time and energy but not the money. Adults have the money and energy but not the time. Pensioners have the money and time but not the energy.

16. You can’t say M without your lips touching.

17. You’re now trying to say M without your lips touching.

18. The things that you don’t learn are the most likely things to be in the exam.

19. If undecided about two options, flip a coin. Your instinct will tell you which one you’re secretly hoping for when you feel happy or disappointed with the result.

20. The hardest thing and the right thing are often the same thing.

21. Closed minds are not often accompanied by closed mouths.

22. Fake plants will die if you don’t pretend to water them.

23. You are more likely to wake up at 6.00am on your days off.

24. The little toe is the perfect device for finding the edges of furniture in a darkened room.

25. This will cause a discussion as to whether it is ‘ironic’ or not. It isn’t.

What about you? Any inspirational quotes you would like to add?

You can also find me on Twitter and Tumblr @suzie81blog and don’t forget to check out my Facebook page http://www.facebook.com/suzie81speaks and my new Pinterest page http://www.pinterest.com/suzie81speaks

On Being Vanilla

Posted on February 24, 2015 by suzie81speaks

In the world of ice-cream, my friend is definitely Rocky Road with extra sauce and sprinkles. She’s striking. When she walks into a room, people don’t just notice, they stop what they are doing to stare, and some will even get up and walk over in an effort to speak to her.

The thing is, there isn’t anything specific about my friend that makes her stand out. She’s pretty, but couldn’t anywhere near be classed as model quality, she doesn’t go overboard with her clothes and make-up, she’s intelligent, but not a genius, she’s classy and well-spoken. She possesses that ‘something’ – that special X Factor quality that separates her from the pack. Even more frustratingly, she’s genuinely a very nice person and has no idea about the power that she holds. Her life, to me, seems exciting – she likes to travel and experience new things and isn’t scared of taking risks. She’s a natural leader without being bossy or rude.

I have always been, and always will be, vanilla. This isn’t said in an attempt to hunt for false compliments, it is simply fact – at the age of 33 I have had plenty of time to realise my own strengths and weaknesses. In a group of people I have never been the one to stand out from the crowd – I am that person that merges into the background, the one that blends in. I am not the risk taker – I’ve always been more of a follower than a leader.

Vanilla is used as a derogatory term to describe someone, or their lifestyle as unexciting and conventional. Boring. I used to feel that being thought of as vanilla was a negative thing. Indeed, I used to feel a little short-changed when I was offered ice-cream and then handed vanilla. However, vanilla surprised me. I discovered that:

Vanilla is the second-most expensive spice after saffron.
It is thought to have calming effects and reduce anxiety and stress.
Vanilla is used throughout the baking and cosmetics industry and is often placed in certain foods to eliminate acidity.
Despite its labour – intensive growth and expense, vanilla remains a popular spice in the western world.
From the thousands of ice-cream flavours that exist, vanilla is still consistently voted as the favourite.

As I have aged, I have grown to like being vanilla. It may be a standard flavour, a basic flavour, but to me it is a dependable one that doesn’t change, and yet can be incredibly versatile at the same time in that it compliments the flavours around it. Vanilla doesn’t pretend to be anything else, it is what it is. I like my life and it’s vanilla existence.

And besides, this means that us vanilla girls get to add a cheeky topping occasionally!

What about you? What flavour of ice-cream are you?

You can also find me on Twitter and Tumblr @suzie81blog and don’t forget to visit my Facebook page http://www.facebook.com/suzie81speaks

Be The Honey Badger!

Posted on January 19, 2015 by suzie81speaks

The Honey Badger is a badass. Despite it’s size, it will willingly challenge, kill and eat animals that could be considered to be at the top of the food chain. A popular Internet meme and a YouTube video highlighted the concept that the ‘Honey Badger don’t care’ – it knows what it wants, seemingly has no fear and it will go for it. While the poor grammar in the meme drives me insane, I love the sentiment.

Last year, That EJ over at the Whimsical Eclecticist discussed the concept of adopting the Honey Badger ‘don’t care’ approach to life and after reading it I was so inspired I had to resist the urge to run outside and yell “I AM THE HONEY BADGER” as loud as I could. While the fabulous post was written a while ago, I still feel that it is just as relevant to my current situation and the students that I work with.

It made me think about the importance that we put on the opinions of those around us and how we allow these to affect our confidence, self-esteem and even influence the decisions that we make about our lives.

EJ made an extremely good point:

‘Decision isn’t being based on want, or even need. It’s being based solely on fear. On ‘what ifs’. On possible negative repercussions.’

As a teacher it always amazes me how many of the teenagers that I work with who are obsessed with what others think and will change themselves for fear of not being accepted. Everything that they do and/or say is for the purpose of being viewed positively by everyone else – their look, hair, shoes, bags and phrases have to be a certain type or style in order to gain acceptance from their peers. What I have discovered over the years is that the students will put an awful lot of pressure on themselves to fit in and this results in a huge lack of confidence amongst them. I’ve lost count of the amount of times I’ve heard students as young as eleven years old proclaim that they are fat, stupid or ugly and some are so paranoid about their appearance that they won’t wear headphones that are attached to keyboards (I’m a music teacher) in case their hair gets messed up. Certain students almost refuse to participate in performance based activities (that I know they actually enjoy) for fear of being laughed at. A badly-worded comment from a peer will result in tears, arguments and Facebook backlash for months and I’ve heard older girls recall something negative that was said to them several years ago as a reason why they dislike somebody.

It bothers me that they are missing out on experiences of life because of fear.

I was bullied mercilessly at school. I was clever, I worked hard and was a high achiever. A classmate made the decision that he absolutely hated me, almost from the first day, and over five years he took it upon himself to make my life miserable. He learned how to flick spit with the end of his tongue and so would spit on me every time I walked past. He told lies about me, made up ridiculous rumours, tried to get older girls to beat me up and he and his followers would tell me daily that I was ugly and wouldn’t get anywhere in life. I didn’t realise it at the time, but he absolutely destroyed my confidence – I would go home and cry, I’d fake illness in order to be allowed to stay away from school and I lived for the weekends so I wouldn’t have to feel afraid of walking up the school drive.

I left school in 1998 and I haven’t spoken to (or really thought about him) since. His comments have made absolutely no difference to the way I live my life, I am proud of everything that I have achieved and in my adult years I care less and less about the opinions of others. It isn’t that I ‘don’t care,’ it’s more a case of I prefer to value the opinion I have of myself. I’m not perfect and I make mistakes all the time, but ultimately I know I’m a good person (or at least I try to be). More importantly, I can look at myself in the mirror at the end of each day, I like what I see and know that I’ve done the best I can. If somebody doesn’t like me, it’s their loss.

This is why we should take the Honey Badger approach to life. This is the attitude that I am trying to encourage my students to adopt. I don’t want to see them to living half-fulfilled lives – I want them to be able to have the confidence to accept themselves for who they are and take advantage of every opportunity that comes their way. And in the future, when they are faced with fear or doubt about something I want them to ask themselves… ‘What would the Honey Badger do?’

What about you guys? Do you adopt the Honey Badger approach to life?

You can also find me on Twitter and Tumblr @suzie81blog and don’t forget to check out my Facebook page http://www.facebook.com/suzie81speaks

Why It is Important To Do Your Research First: Fox News on Birmingham

Posted on January 11, 2015 by suzie81speaks

This evening I received a number of notifications on my Facebook page – somebody had tagged me in a link to a video. It was a clip taken from a recent Fox News broadcast, and when I watched it, I was horrified. I discovered that the reporter – terrorism ‘expert’ Steven Emerson – was informing everyone about Birmingham (UK), my beloved city, and the apparent fact that not only is it totally Muslim, but it is a ‘no go’ area for non-Muslims. To add insult to injury, he went on by stating that in parts of London, there are religious police that go around ‘beating and wounding’ people if they aren’t dressed in Muslim dress. This is clearly in response to the awful events of the last week in Paris – the anchor genuinely looks a little worried as headlines of ‘FRANCE URGES EXTREME VIGILACE’ and ‘TERROR IN PARIS’ fills the bottom of the screen and once again Fox News is attempting to incite racial hatred and using completely fabricated stories to justify it.

I moved to Birmingham in 2001 to do my degree at a respected music conservatoire. I was nervous, having only visited once before during my audition. It took about half a day to completely fall in love with the city, and it’s has been a love affair that has continued ever since. It’s a beautiful, vibrant and fast-paced place, with one of it’s greatest attributes being that it proudly hosts a hugely diverse and multi-cultural community. I have made friends from all over the world who have introduced me to their culture, their food, their music and their beliefs – I’ve been taught how to make Caribbean dishes, I’ve participated in Sikh weddings (which were the best ceremonies I have ever been to), I’ve been taught how to Bhangra dance, sang in Gospel choirs, celebrated Chinese New Year with Chinese friends and I now teach students that have interesting and varied ancestries… and I’m a better person for it.

Here are a few ‘facts’ that I would like to set straight for Fox News and their report.

1. Being a white girl with dark blonde hair and blue eyes, I am in the majority – in the 2011 census I was one of 621,636 people registered as ‘white,’ which is 58% of the population. 494,398 people were registered as Christian, which is 46%, and 234,411 people in the city were registered as Muslim. That’s just 21.85% of the population. Hardly ‘totally Muslim’ is it? It isn’t even a quarter.

2. While it does have areas in which different communities of people live, Birmingham does not have places that are considered to be ‘no go’ for anybody. Common sense tells me that wandering around alone late at night in any city is not the safest thing to do, but I have never been made to feel uncomfortable and unwelcome in any place that I have visited or lived. In fact, when I have attended parties and events that have been hosted by people of a different race or religious background to my own, they have gone out of their way to make me feel accepted.

3. Birmingham was recently voted as one of the ten most exciting destinations to visit in 2015 by travel guidebook Rough Guide and welcomed 34 million tourists last year from all over the world. In 2012, Birmingham was named number 19 in the New York Times’ ’45 Places to Go’ – the only English city outside of London to be selected. Why? Because it’s a wonderful place to be and the diversity in culture makes it an entertaining and educational experience for all who visit.

4. London does not have Muslim police that beat others up for not wearing the correct Muslim dress. Do I really need to justify that ridiculous statement with any further explanation?

After understandably receiving an enormous backlash from thousands of people over his comments, Steven Emerson has recently issued an apology, along with a donation to Birmingham’s Children’s Hospital. I should think so too…

Perhaps it may have made a little more sense to actually do the research first rather than using a wonderful city to incite racial hatred towards valuable and welcome members of my community?

You can also find me on Twitter and Tumblr @suzie81blog and don’t forget to check out my Facebook page http://www.facebook.com/suzie81speaks.

Video Credit: Stephen Walmsley

Reflections On a Challenging Year

Posted on December 29, 2014 by suzie81speaks

After the presents have been opened, all the food has been consumed and the parties have ended, many of us go through the process of reflection on the year that has passed and set ourselves targets and challenges for the next.

I decided a year ago that 2014 was going to be my year. This was the time where, after experiencing a very difficult time in 2013, there was going to be changes. There was indeed change – I lost my little friend who had been my constant companion for thirteen years, I was hospitalised for nearly a week and had to take five weeks off work to recover (which put a strain on my relationships with some of my colleagues and has affected my health permanently), our charlatan landlady decided to sell the house we had only moved into six months previously, forcing us to take out a loan and find somewhere very quickly while I was still recovering from my illness, The Bloke lost someone dear to him for the third time in three years and had to take on the extra strain and pressure of supporting me while I regained my strength, and my workload tripled.

However, it hasn’t been all bad – I was able to establish a better relationship with family members, my sister got married to a lovely man, my other sister met the man who I think she is going to end up with, and throughout I have been supported by the best group of friends that anybody could hope for.

My New Years Resolutions have followed the same pattern for the last few years and the resulting list will give an idea of how successful I have been in achieving these goals over the last twelve months:

1. Lose weight and get healthy. As I write I am the heaviest I have ever been. Ever. Seriously, ever. Things now wobble that aren’t supposed to wobble and have never wobbled before. A taxi driver asked me a few months ago when my baby was due and then proceeded to give me diet tips when I informed him that I wasn’t pregnant. I can’t fit into my sweat pants. Beautiful dresses that I wore a year ago now don’t go past my hips… However, I do exercise more – I jog sporadically. And by sporadically, I mean that I have been for a total of seven jogging sessions in the last twelve months, totalling about 20 miles. That’s less than three miles a month.

2. Stop smoking. While I don’t smoke anywhere near what I used to, I have been known to enjoy a cigarette or ten when I’m drinking. Or stressed. Or celebrating. Or walking to the bus stop.

3. Take the time to send birthday cards to my friends in other cities. Number of cards sent via post in the last year? One. My friends mean a lot to me and the good intentions are always there, but the execution is decidedly poor.

4. Take more care in my appearance. The last time I got my hair cut? Eighteen months ago. I haven’t really bothered wearing make up since my birthday in November. I spend the majority of my personal time dressed in hooded sweaters and jeans, very much like the teenage boys that I teach.

5. Save money. My current savings account does indeed have money in there: 0.47p. Genuinely. After a years worth of work on a good salary I have successfully managed to save a whole 47p. That should pay for a chocolate bar… Just.

6. Be more organised. I don’t even want to think about the stacks of papers and files I need to sort through. Or the washing that needs to be done. Or the… let’s just say that I have collected a lot of stuff, and it’s everywhere.

2014 was not a year of living, it was simply an existence – getting by from day to day in the hope that things would soon improve. The real truth is that certain aspects of my life in 2014 were not how I imagined my life, and indeed, who I, should be, and at the age of 33 now is the time to stop pretending that a mere existence is acceptable.

For 2015, I have decided that I will get rid of all of my previous superficial goals and replace them with just a single one: I am going to take the risk.

What about you guys? Have you any goals for 2015?

You can also find me on Twitter and Tumblr @suzie81blog and don’t forget to check out my Facebook page http://www.facebook.com/suzie81speaks

One More To Go…

Posted on December 18, 2014 by suzie81speaks

It’s the end of the Autumn term tomorrow and I have just one lesson left. At 12.30 I will be out of that door faster than I’ve moved in a while, and on Saturday you will be able to find me, just like Daisy here, fast asleep under a warm duvet.

It’s been a long term. The assessments have been completed, the concerts have finished and I am knackered. I attempted to try and write a list of everything I had achieved over the last four months and after two sides of A4 paper had been filled I gave up – it’s easier just to say that it’s been intense, busy and, at times, extremely stressful, and I’m looking forward to the opportunity to take a little bit of time to get myself together again.

However, this week has been particularly rewarding. My students absolutely nailed their performances throughout the various awards assemblies, the atmosphere in the lessons has been lovely, and I was recognised for some of the work that I have done in the last few months. It doesn’t matter how old you are, sometimes it’s just nice to be praised by people that you respect.

I also received a lovely surprise in the post from my very good bloggy friend. Jolene, from Valley Girl Gone Country was one of the first connections I made when starting my blog in 2013, and she has become a friend and confidante that has helped me through some difficult times. I returned home after a long day to find a package waiting for me, containing a lovely card, a very sweet cat ornament for my tree and a little felt stocking. We live thousands of miles away from each other, and she took the time to send me something that made my day. Jolene, you’re a legend – the card is on my shelf, the ornament is on the tree and the stocking in above my fireplace… Thank you x

Aside from a few last minute Christmas cards, I think I’m pretty much prepared for next week. The decorations are up, the presents are wrapped, the food has been ordered in preparation for having dinner at my sister’s house and I’m ready to spend a few days snuggled up on the couch with The Bloke and the fluff monsters. It will be the first Christmas in years where my family and I will sit around the table and hopefully enjoy each other’s company – the strained and volatile relationships that have marred every celebration as long as I can remember have been improved by my sister’s wedding a few months ago – we were almost forced to spend time together and it had a very positive effect on us all. I’m actually looking forward to having a Christmas that I’ve always envied of others, and with the addition of my new brother-in-law (who is also a music teacher) I’m sure that it’s going to be a nice day.

I also have a few meals planned with friends who are spending the festive season in other parts of the country, starting with tomorrow night at my favourite tapas restaurant (after I’ve got thoroughly sloshed at the German Market with my colleagues).

We don’t celebrate Thanksgiving here, so this is the time of year where I am thankful. I’m thankful for The Bloke and the life that I share with him and the cats in our home, good friends and a supportive family, however disfunctional we can be at times, that I can spend my Christmas with. There are so many that aren’t as lucky.

What about you guys? Are you prepared for the holidays?

You can also find me on Twitter and Tumblr @suzie81blog