The World is Going Mad

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I awoke to hear of the awful news of the events  in Peshawar yesterday. Seven Taliban attackers wearing bomb vests cut through a wire fence to gain entry to a Peshawar’s Army Public School, which has a mixed cohort of boys and girls from civilian and military backgrounds, before launching an attack on an auditorium where children were taking an exam.

Gunmen then moved from room to room at the military-run school, shooting pupils and teachers at random where they found them in a siege that lasted eight hours. Eventually, all seven of the attackers were killed, and hundreds of people were evacuated. In total, at the time of writing, at least 132 children and 9 staff were killed.

This follows the siege in Sydney earlier in the week, where two civilians were killed after being held hostage, along with seventeen others, at a Lindt cafe in the city.

The world is going mad.

Tonight, my thoughts are with those who have lost their lives and those who have been affected by the tragedies…

33 Thoughts For My 33rd Birthday

imageIt’s my birthday tomorrow, and in light of the fact that I am going to be busy I wanted to leave you with some thoughts and ideas that may amuse you.

1. If it doesn’t matter, get rid of it. If you can’t get rid of it, it matters.

2. Getting no message can sometimes be a message in itself.

3. Life is not a fairytale. If you lose your shoe at midnight, you’re probably drunk.

4. Don’t regret knowing the people that come into your life – good people give you happiness, bad ones give you experience, the worst ones give you lessons and the best ones give you memories.

5. You can’t throw spaghetti at wall and expect it to spell something.

6. No good apology usually contains the word ‘but.’

7. It’s good to be informed instead of just being opinionated.

8. Normal seems to be getting dressed in clothes that are bought for work, driving through traffic in a car that is not yet paid off in order to get to the job that is needed to pay for the clothes and the car and the house that is left vacant all day so it is possible to afford to live in it.

9. There comes a time where you need to stop crossing oceans for people who wouldn’t jump puddles for you.

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10. There may be two sides to every story. Unfortunately, there are some people who look like complete douchebags in both of them.

11. Tom Hanks is probably the only man that will ever make you cry over a lost volleyball.

12. It’s important to follow your heart, but equally important to take your brain with you.

13. The first five days after the weekend are always the hardest.

14. It is impossible to make the same mistake twice, because the second time is a choice.

15. It is better to be unique that trying to be perfect.

16. Life is too short to be serious all the time. If you can’t laugh at yourself, call someone who will laugh at you.

17. Don’t forget to post on Facebook every time you are going to the gym, otherwise the entire workout will be a complete waste of time.

18. That tingly feeling that is experienced when you like someone is often common sense leaving the body.

19. It’s better to have loved and lost than to do thirty pounds of laundry a week.

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20. Take the opportunity to smile while you still have teeth.

21. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.

22. To succeed in life, you need three things – a wishbone, a backbone and a funnybone.

23. After a game of chess, the king and the pawn go in the same box.

24. It’s often said that you are what you eat. I clearly ate a sexy beast this morning.

25. You can’t completely open your mouth and stick you tongue out past your lips.

26. You just tried it.

27. You’ve just realised that I was lying.

28. Of your 99 problems, 83 of them will be completely made up nonsense and will result in unnecessary stress for no logical reason. These will undoubtedly surface at 3am when you have to be up early that day…

29. There’s a difference between being anti-social and anti-stupid.

30. Life is too short not to get drunk in a costume.

31. Nothing is more serious than turning on the caps lock during a public fight on the Internet.

32. Moving on is much easier to accept when you realise the other person was batsh*t crazy.

33. This: image

If anybody needs me, I’ll be in the pub…

You can also find me on Twitter and Tumblr @suzie81blog and don’t forget to check out my Facebook page at http://www.facebook.com/suzie81speaks.

 

 

I Am Allowed

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I am allowed to have an opinion, to say what I think, what I want and what I know.

I am allowed to have feelings. I am allowed to feel happy when things are good, to laugh at things that I find funny, to feel pain and sadness when things hurt me, and to feel angry when I witness acts that are cruel and unjust.

I am allowed to cry without feeling ashamed.

I am allowed to talk about my memories, even if I wish to discuss them on multiple occasions.

I am allowed to be affected by things that affect me.

I am allowed to develop my own thoughts and draw conclusions based upon what I believe to be true.

I am allowed to change my mind, and change it back again.

I am allowed to enjoy my interests and passions without having to provide justification.

I am allowed to want to better myself.

I am allowed to like what I like, and dislike what I dislike.

I am allowed to stand up for myself.

I am allowed to sometimes do nothing all day, and enjoy it.

I am allowed to fail.

I am allowed to make mistakes.

I am allowed to have regrets.

I am allowed to change.

I am allowed to sing, and dance, and shout.

I am allowed to forgive as and when I choose.

I am allowed to share worries and fears without being advised to ‘get over it’ or informed that I am ‘too sensitive.’

I am allowed to share my achievements and successes, however small, when I am proud of myself.

I am allowed to do things in the way that I wish to do them.

I am allowed to write my own script to my own life.

 

Buy Your Own Bloody Cigarettes!

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One of my nasty habits is that I enjoy a cigarette. I’ve smoked since I was sixteen, only cutting down and quitting at times since I hit my thirties.

I’m well aware that it is one of the biggest mistakes of my life. My health has suffered dramatically – I have a reduced lung capacity, I find it more difficult to exercise and I have developed a nasty cough on occasions, and over the years I have spent thousands on my habit.

I consider myself to be a reasonably rational and intelligent person, but I’ve gained nothing from smoking, and yet still can’t seem to completely quit. It’s almost like an emotional crux, often accompanying a drink, and there’s no better feeling than lighting up and taking that first drag after a stressful few days. I love it. For those first few moments all the tension, anxiety and worries disappear with each exhale.

Most of my friends are now non-smokers, having seen sense years ago and kicked the addiction, and with the smoking laws I often find myself outside bars and restaurants alone, quietly enjoying the nicotine rush by myself. Unfortunately, this also means that I seem to have a sign above my head that says ‘Free Cigarettes’ in neon flashing lights. Sometimes I oblige, but not as much as I used to. The other day, when standing outside the pub, I was approached by no less than three people in the space of just a few minutes, all of them asking the same question:

“Excuse me love, can I pinch a cigarette?”

I responded with a simple ‘no, sorry,’ to the first three. I only had a few left, and normally I try and be reasonably polite, but by the fourth one I was getting a bit hacked off. A fourth, however, was far more blunt:

“Give us a cig, love.”

I responded with an evil look and quite a snappy ‘no,’ and he seemed quite surprised at my reaction.

“Alright love, go f*ck yourself you miserable b*tch.”

Nice.

This isn’t the first time I have had a negative reaction from a scumbag. I remember a very drunken woman yelling at me because I was a ‘tight b*tch’ and that I have an iPhone so I ‘should be able to give out a cig to someone else.’ I don’t have a problem with helping people out – I help out who I can, when I can, I give to charity, I have adopted several animals, I buy food for homeless men and women when I’m out in the city, I fundraise, I give my stuff to charity shops and I collect items every year for an amazing homeless charity. I’m not a snob, and I don’t feel that I’m better than anyone else. The problem I have is the assumption that some people have that they are entitled to something for nothing, and that it’s acceptable to approach a complete stranger and abuse them when they don’t respond in the way that they’d like. Smoking is a luxury, something that I pay for with money that I work bloody hard for, and I’m getting a bit annoyed with those that assume that everything should be given to them for free, and get nasty when it isn’t. I’d love to be able to go up to a business person and say ‘give me some money because I want a bigger TV and a foreign holiday because you earn more than me,’ but I don’t, because I have what I have and I work for it.

It isn’t just smoking. It isn’t uncommon for people to ask to borrow my phone, or ask for 20 pence (what the hell is 20 pence going to get you?). There have even been instances where I have been eating a sandwich and have been asked for the other half, or in the queue at McDonalds and asked by a very drunken man behind me to buy him a cheeseburger (?!), but the smoking thing really annoys me. Buy your own bloody cigarettes!!!

What about you? Are you often approached by people in the street asking for things? How do you deal with it?

You can also find me on Twitter and Tumblr @suzie81blog.

If We Were Having Coffee #4

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If we were having coffee, I would tell you that the weekend went far too quickly for my liking. I met some old friends for a meal and a drink in the town where we went to college fourteen years ago. They’re all beautiful, glamorous ladies who turned up wearing lovely dresses, and as usual I had a great time catching up with them. Almost all are new mothers to beautiful children, so a large part of the conversation was about motherhood, to which I could only offer an occasional ‘aww bless,’ but I’m really pleased for them.

I would tell you that my mum’s house felt a little strange after the death of one of her dogs last week. She still has two, and the dog was only small, but the atmosphere of the house seemed quieter and a little more empty. One of her other dogs was behaving very strangely towards me throughout, approaching me with caution and being very nervous when I stroked him, which upset me a little as I have never been cruel or raised my voice to him.

If we were having coffee, I would tell you how saddened I am at the execution of British Aid worker David Haines. While I will keep my angry thoughts to myself (and I am not going to get involved in a political discussion surrounding this), I will say that my thoughts and condolences are with his family – I can’t possibly imagine what they’re going through.

I would tell you that I am feeling a lot more refreshed, having slept for hours this afternoon, almost causing me to miss my train to return home. However, I haven’t been able to completely relax and have remained anxious for a lot of the time, so one of my tasks for this week is to research relaxation exercises and practise them.

I would tell you that I’m delighted to have access to WiFi again. My mother doesn’t have the Internet and my phone finds it almost impossible to find a connection. I’m surprised at myself at how frustrated I get after a while…

If we were having coffee, I would tell you that I’m excitedly planning for The Bloke’s birthday next month, despite the fact that he’s always a miserable bugger when facing the prospect of being another year older. I’ve bought him the Lego Ghostbusters car and a few figurines that I’ve seen him eyeing up, and hopefully that will take the focus off his age. I’ve also told him that he’s only as old as the woman he kisses, and as I’m 32 he’s got nothing to complain about!

I would share with you my recent playlist, most of which features tracks from 80’s films. I seem to be revisiting my musical youth a lot recently – you can’t beat a bit of the Footloose soundtrack!

If we were having coffee, I would tell you that I’m really annoyed with my vets. One of my cats was diagnosed with Type 1 diabetes a year ago and since then we have religiously injected her twice a day with insulin and spend a fortune on special food to ensure she remains in good health. We have learned how to take her blood sugar levels regularly and her levels are good, and she is in an excellent, happy condition. However, when we went to pick up the usual two vials of insulin for the vets the other day, they told me that they have only given me one vial and they wouldn’t give me any more until I brought her in for blood tests, that apparently are compulsory every six months. This is the first we had been told about it, and nobody mentioned it six months ago. Apparently, these tests are going to cost me £100, which I don’t have, and her insulin is not going to last until next pay day. Can anyone in the UK with vet experience advise me on the legalities of holding back essential medication as a way of holding me to ransom?

I would tell you that I’ve lost 10lbs in weight since the summer. I’ve got another 50lbs to go, but I’m quite pleased about it… I will have a beach-ready body by next year. I want to go to Vegas, so I’ve got something to work towards!

If we were having coffee, I would share with you the picture of my youngest sister that appeared on my Facebook wall yesterday. She is getting married at the beginning of next month and so held her Bachelorette Party in York, a beautiful, historical city that is miles away from where my mum lives. I expected to see pictures of penis – shaped straws, drunken women in fancy dres etc. However, nothing quite prepared me for the image of my sister being straddled by a very unnattractive, completely naked male stripper. My eyeballs were bleeding – it’s something that I can’t unsee. My mum, however, thought it was hilarious. At least she’s having a good time – I hope they didn’t pay too much money for the experience – I’d be wanting my money back!

What about you? What would you tell me if we met for coffee?

 

Created by Part Time Monster, these are a series of conversational posts. They’re a great idea if you don’t wish to focus on a specific theme. Check out her blog and create your own!

You can also find me on Twitter and Tumblr @suzie81blog.

http://parttimemonster.wordpress.com/

If We Were Having Coffee #3

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While this is usually a weekend feature, first suggested by Part Time Monster, I liked the idea of a conversational post this evening.

If we were having coffee:

I’d tell you that today was quite stressful, being the first full teaching day back, and that I am glad that it is Monday night as this means that I have tomorrow off (I don’t work on Tuesdays this year). I’m enjoying the daily challenges that present themselves, and I find that I have a good rapport with new classes, but I’m physically and mentally shattered at the end of each day – I suppose that it will get better as the weeks progress.

I’d also tell you that my blogging plans to catch up were thwarted by Paul and his karaoke evening on Saturday night. It is his birthday today and so on Saturday I ended up drinking a little too much, singing random songs and thoroughly enjoying myself whilst happily munching my way through lots of garlic dough balls and vanilla slices that he and his landlady had put out as part of a buffet in the pub that he works at. Unfortunately, my hangover was bad and my bedroom smelled like an Italian restaurant had set up shop in my bedroom the following day, so there wasn’t much blogging taking place. I felt rough. I blame Paul.

My mum is really sad at the minute – her elderly dog, Jess, who is an Alsatian cross that she got after she and my father divorced, is ill. It’s not looking good. It reminded me of how I felt when Wobbly, my 19 year old cat, passed away earlier this year. I still miss her. I feel a little bit helpless because I know there isn’t anything that I can do to make her feel better – I’m going go up and see her this weekend and harass her.

I’m currently obsessed with the song ‘Hooked on a Feeling,’ by Blue Suede. I loved it in Ally McBeal, it was used in Guardians of the Galaxy and Paul played it on Saturday. I’ve been listening to it almost constantly ever since. Suffice to say, the students weren’t very impressed today.

I’d tell you that I saw Christmas cards in the local card shop. It’s September. We haven’t even had Halloween, or Bonfire Night yet. It annoys me every year. It always reminds me of my failed attempts to create the perfect Christmas every year, and failing miserably.

What about you guys? What would we talk about if we went for coffee?

You can also find me on Twitter and Tumblr @suzie81blog.

 

If We Were Having Coffee #2

I love the idea of a conversational post, the idea created by Part Time Monster and lots of blogs that I follow participate.

The-Expandable-3-OfficialIf we were having coffee, I would tell you that I went to see The Expendables 3 at the cinema yesterday, and loved it. It isn’t going to win any Oscars, but the one liners, in jokes and an all star cast consisting of my favourite action stars all on one screen made me so hyped up I had to control myself from standing up in the middle of the theatre and screaming ‘yeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhh!’ at the top of my voice. Of course, it was even better in the fact that it starred Dolph Lundgren, the most beautiful man ever created and the subject of a 26 year obsession. If you like senseless violence, huge explosions and cheesy dialogue, this is the film for you. I haven’t enjoyed a film this much since Avengers Assemble.

While I love senseless violence in the fictional world, the violence that is taking place in the real world is heartbreaking, to the point where I don’t want to watch the news anymore. I read an article this morning that stated that there are thirty-two different conflicts taking place at the minute across the world. From Gaza to Ferguson, every day presents me with stories of senseless cruelty and loss. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again – the world is going mad.

cocktail-finalIf we were having coffee, I would tell you that I am looking forward to meeting up with my girlie friends tonight for the first time in a few months. Of the five of us, one is celebrating their birthday and another has obtained a job in Spain, teaching English. They are all teachers, we all met while working at the same school and they couldn’t be any more different in personality, but they’re hilarious and I love them to pieces. Cocktails, stories and lots of laughs are guaranteed!

It’s been an interesting week in the blogging world too. I’ve had lots of positive responses to my WordPress Experiment, my best friend started his own blog, I did a lovely interview with Ronovan Writes and have invited to participate in a podcast (more on that in a later post). However, I’m hugely behind in my writing – I have nine or ten of them that are almost finished and are sitting in my drafts folder, so prepare to be bombarded over the next few days!

tumblr_inline_n1relaYigt1rban68If we were having coffee, I would complain that I am fed up of hearing ‘Let It Go,’ from Frozen. It’s been released yet again by the winners of Britain’s got Talent and I am officially sick of it. It’s a great song, granted, but I’m tired of it, particularly the parodies. There are teacher versions, doctor versions, parent versions, even breaking wind versions. Enough!!!

I have two weeks left of the summer, and it is going far too quickly. Today is the final day that I am giving myself to just sit back and simply enjoy some me time. As of tomorrow, the me time needs to become more ‘work’ time. Dammit.

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You can also find me on Twitter and Tumblr @suzie81blog.

 

 

I Remember

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I remember the tent in the hallway, pretending that we were on holiday.

I remember the Christmas Days, sitting around the table. I remember the food, the laughter, the chatter. I remember feeling part of a unit, a team, a family.

I remember his jokes. He would always sing songs and ask me if I was ‘courting’ yet, despite the fact that I was only ten years old. I remember how much my sisters and I loved him.

I remember ‘I Won’t Send Roses’ and ‘You’ll Never Walk Alone.’

I remember the last day, where I was the only one that wasn’t crying. I remember running down the road, signed T-shirt in hand, elated that I would never have to see them ever again.

I remember the long hours, the Ajax and the boredom. I remember the embarrassment of the face paint, and footballers on Sundays. I remember the smell that would permeate my clothes and linger for hours after a shift.

I remember waiting for him to call.

I remember the smell of his aftershave on his sweater that I wore.

I remember the Miller Man, the bikini, the music and the British Chippendales. I remember the lock ins, the cigarettes and the burnt holes in the carpets. I remember the Aqua bar.

I remember the B&B and the jealousy. I remember the black dress that was totally unsuitable for the occasion.

I remember Barber, Greig, Saint-Saens and Beethoven.

I remember the letter that offered me the chance of a new life. I remember that my whole life easily fit into eight boxes.

I remember the cocktails, the dancing and the hangover.

I remember sitting in the long grass in the sun and watching them run up and down the hill, shrieking as they lost their shoes.

I remember the Empire State Building, the piano and the bag. I remember the sand, the Ferris wheel and the graffiti. I remember the sore feet, the chess and the sunburn.

I remember the feeling of being utterly alone and helpless as I walked into that room almost every day.

I remember the kiss.

I remember staring at her in the cage, and knowing that she was the one. I remember the mornings she would wake me up at 4.00am, wanting to be fed. I remember the cuddles, the TV, the snoring. I remember her face at the window every evening.

I remember the tower, the sunset, the lock on the bridge and the river. I remember the gypsies, the tambourines and the latch. I remember the graves, the maps and the language.

I remember the first young faces, staring at me with the assumption that I knew what I was doing. I remember pretending that I did, hiding my terror behind a smile and a song.

I remember lying on the beach, watching the world go by. For those short hours, responsibility didn’t exist. Fear didn’t exist. Life didn’t exist.

I remember the box on my doorstep.

I remember the answer machine messages of my song.

I remember the microphone, the mad Irish girl, the promise, the snuff and Sinead O’Connor.

I remember the superheroes, the spaghetti and the phone call. I remember the awkward waitress and the free cranberry juice.

I remember the amphitheatre, the pool and Whigfield. I remember the waterpark, and the screams that she made as she was going down the waterslide.

I remember watching as he unwrapped the paper, after I waited for nearly two months for him to do so. I remember the expression on his face.

I remember the cheque, the train journey, Varsity and her tears as she realised I was standing outside her building. I remember the text and the meal.

I remember The Villa, Skunk Anansie and the concerto.

I remember the American girl. I remember his face when I surprised him. I remember the Gap sweater, the box of twinkles and the concert. I remember the flutes, the car journey and the programme.

I remember the Eye, the sunset, the teddy bear and the city during a wonderful weekend.

I remember saying goodbye.

I remember the screaming the lyrics until my voice was sore and spilling my beer down his back in the Golden Circle.

I remember the bracelet and the cards.

I remember finally knowing. For the first time, all was clear.

I remember opening the door…

 

What about you? What memories do you have?

You can also find me on Twitter and Tumblr @suzie81blog

 

Written in response to the Weekly Writing Challenge

If We Were Having Coffee…

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I wouldn’t be drinking coffee. I’d be thoroughly enjoying the aromas, but as I don’t like the taste I’d be drinking a hot chocolate with lots of whipped cream or a mango and passion fruit smoothie. Oh, and I’d be eating cake. Preferably cake filled with raspberry jam.

If we were having coffee, I would bore you with tales of my running endeavours. I have gone for a run several times in the last week, always in the morning before my neighbours surface, and each time I have improved my distance, my speed and the number of calories I have burned. I hate it, but I always feel really good once I’m done.

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If we were having coffee, I would tell you that I watched Guardians Of The Galaxy the other day, and I thought it was pretty great. It isn’t in the same league as Avengers Assemble (one of my favourite all time films and the only film I have ever wanted to see again immediately after watching it at the cinema), but the characters were good, there was the right amount of tears, laughter and action and it was a nice way to spend the morning. I would also tell you that the actress who played ‘Nebula’ is the Scottish actress who played ‘Amy Pond’ in Doctor Who and that she shaved her beautiful long red hair off for the role.

If we were having coffee, I would tell you about my obsessions with Castle and White Collar, of which I am currently on Season 4 of both. I have developed a little crush on Nathan Fillion (despite hating his character in Season 7 of Buffy) and even though my friends have unwittingly provided me with spoilers I am thoroughly enjoying both programmes.

If we were having coffee, I would tell you that I’m absolutely obsessed with this song at the minute…

If we were having coffee, I would show you my Facebook newsfeed at the minute, which is full to bursting with pictures of weddings, newborn babies and holidays in exotic places. I would show you this picture of Daisy that I uploaded just to balance it out a bit. Circle of Life, anyone?

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If we were having coffee, I would tell you that I awoke the other morning and immediately checked my blog, as I do almost every morning. I get a little buzz from reading all the lovely comments that I receive overnight and it always gives me a great start to the day. However, the first comment that I read started with ‘Lol, you’re such a stupid b*tch...’ Apparently, a crazy Justin Bieber fan had stumbled across my anti-Bieber post from a few months ago and decided that I needed to be lectured about how the music industry actually works. I was so grateful for the information. I would tell you that the reason why everyone hates him is that he won’t give up, he won’t break down and he stays strong. Awesome. I had no idea. It must be quite a revelation to live in a world where there is an actual belief that this famous pop star is actually going to marry them someday. Bless. My Trash comments were busier than usual that morning.

And finally, If we were having coffee, I would tell you that I’ve had far more entries than I anticipated for my Summer competition, and so I’ll announce the results in a few days!

I loved this idea, which I saw on the ever fabulous Nerd in the Brain‘s blog, who in turn saw it on the equally fabulous Part Time Monster‘s blog, who found it somewhere else. It’s one of the many reasons why I love the blogging community – they inspire me!

What about you? If we were having coffee, what would we talk about?

You can also find me on Twitter and Tumblr @suzie81blog

The Ice-Cream Adverts Lie To Me

It’s hot. Wonderfully, scorchingly hot. In the eloquent words of Lord Flasheart (and my friend Dave), it’s as hot as my pants. The ice-cream van is permanently situated at the end of my road, tempting me every five minutes by blasting out the ‘Match of the Day’ theme tune to remind me of its presence. I love a good ice-cream cone, but it’s so hot I don’t know whether to eat one or simply face plant it.

However, as much as I love ice-cream, there is something that always annoys me at this time of the year…

The Magnum adverts. Every. Single. Year.

I love Magnums – they’re one of my favourites, and I make it my mission to have at least one of every flavour over the summer months. The adverts are all over the television. Each advert usually follows the same conventions – one or more beautiful model-type girls bite into a magnum while walking around a beautiful city. It’s a simple concept.

Alas, as much as I would like to buy into the idea, it never fails to make me so annoyed I always loudly complain the The Bloke, who knows me well enough to nod, smile and carry on with whatever he’s doing. Why? Because the Magnum advert lies to me.

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Lie 1: When the girl bites into the Magnum, the chocolate stays in tact around the bite mark and she maintains a certain sexy quality.

Truth: When I bite into a Magnum, the chocolate explodes everywhere. It’s on the floor, on my clothes, down my cleavage and in my hair.

Lie 2: The girl is able to eat the ice-cream without getting any on her lips.

Truth: Any attempt that I have ever made to eat the ice-cream in a Magnum will always leave me with melted vanilla lines at the side of my mouth. The late Heath Ledger clearly saw me doing this before he took the role of the Joker in the Dark Night film – the resemblance is striking.

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Lie 3: The Magnum stays perfectly frozen.

Truth: It’s an ice-cream apocalypse. It’s running down the stick and onto my clothes and the floor. I’ve got melted chocolate on my hands, my face and in my hair. It’s a race against time to consume it before it disappears.

Lies, Magnum, lies. Or perhaps I just eat like a pig?

What about you guys? Do certain adverts annoy you?

You can also find me on Twitter and Tumblr @suzie81blog