Note To Self

Posted on November 13, 2014 by suzie81speaks

Yesterday I decided to edit my Facebook account, deleting unwanted photographs and removing people that I haven’t spoken to in over a year.

Inevitably I ended up trawling through my previous status updates, going back as far as 2007. What I noticed was that I seem to post similar things in patterns, one being in the form of a ‘Note To Self’ whenever I had done something particularly stupid that day. I thought I’d collate some of them and share them with you…

Ten Notes To Self:

1. When feeling inspired to cook, follow the instructions exactly and avoid substituting ingredients for ‘the next best thing’ because you can’t be bothered to go to the shop. This will prevent the resulting meal from tasting like vomit.

2. There is such a thing as too much garlic.

3. Drunkenly calling a man from Birmingham a ‘yam yam’ (slang term for a different area) in a chip shop in the early hours of the morning is not a good way to make friends, even if he insulted your accent first…

4. Wearing those shoes will be fabulous for the first five minutes. The rest of the night will be spent in utter agony. Next time, stick to flats…

5. When cooking a Linda McCartney lasagne it is a good idea to remove the plastic film from the top first. This will prevent your food being ruined and your oven from smelling like a plastics factory.

6. Do not allow your friends to film you during your drunken karaoke performances. Watching the video the next day will completely destroy the misconception that you were actually any good.

7. Replacing the word ‘Stingray’ with ‘bin bags’ in the Stingray theme tune and singing it loudly when you put your rubbish out will very likely cause your neighbours to think you have issues.

8. You may know all the dance moves to Beyonce’s ‘Single Ladies.’ However, your version closely resembles that of a frog in a blender. Stop doing it when you’re on a night out – people are beginning to pity you.

9. Happiness is not found in that unbelievably massive chocolate bar. However, cellulite is and you’ll spend the next week regretting it, however yummy it is.

10. If you have to be up early the next morning it is not a good idea to watch YouTube videos in bed… Two hours sleep is not a good way to start the day.

I think a huge facepalm would be appropriate at this point… Or just this – a look similar to the ones I receive from The Bloke on a regular basis.

What about you? Are there any notes that you need to write to yourself?

You can also find me on Twitter and Tumblr @suzie81blog, and don’t forget to check out my Facebook page http://www.facebook.com/suzie81speaks

Picture Credit: Google Images

Never Again

Posted on November 12, 2014 by suzie81speaks

I normally enjoy most things that I do, but one thing that I’ve never really warmed to is walking or hiking over long distances. My mother adores going for long walks and I remember having to participate in many of them as a child and young teenager.

It wasn’t that I didn’t enjoy exercise – I regularly played badminton, went to karate classes and I swam several times a week, but there was something about simply walking that I found boring and tedious.

One of my closest friends at school found an advertisement for a walking group and she begged and pleaded with me to join her. She was exercise obsessed, I was weak-willed and consequently one Sunday I found myself stood on the top of a hill with a group of strangers. We went through the introductions and polite conversation, and then we walked. And walked. And walked. FOR EIGHTEEN MILES.

What I had assumed was that ‘a walk’ would mean a leisurely stroll across the hills for a few hours. Instead, these people were machines. They set off at a pace that would have put them in competition with Olympians, and sometimes I almost had to jog to keep up whilst attempting to avoid an epic amount of goat poo. It was cold, it was windy and I returned home with blisters the size of two pence pieces from my mother’s hiking boots and an absolute promise to myself that I would never participate in anything like that again.

I’ve stayed true to that promise, and I can guarantee that the only time you’ll ever see me up a hill whilst wearing hiking boots is if… No, it’ll never happen.

What about you guys? Do you enjoy exercising or does the thought of having to hike up a hill make you reach for the remote control?

You can also find me on Twitter and Tumblr @suzie81blog, and don’t forget to check out my Facebook page http://www.facebook.com/suzie81speaks

Picture credit: The Great Outdoors.

Say What Now?

Posted on November 11, 2014 by suzie81speaks

Warning: adult content.

After twenty months of blogging and hundreds of posts that cover a whole range of topics, I have started to take great delight in the frequently obscure searches that lead to Suzie81 Speaks. While I can link some of these to things I have written, I still find some baffling and at times, hilarious. There are clearly lots of different types of people that read my blog:

1. The Apathetic Authors

Thanks. It’s nice to see that my blog appears when these sentences are typed in…

2. The Aspiring DoctorI have no medical training whatsoever, but I can guess that the answer to this is no.

3. Animal Lovers

I have never met anyone that has believed that they are a badger, nor have I attempted to cuddle one. However, judging from video footage of honey badgers I have seen, I would advise against it. I have also seen the baby monkey and pig video. It’s pointless and the song that goes with it is guaranteed to stick in your head for days afterwards.

4. The Aromatherapist

Old Spice for the belly button? The other fragrance manufacturers are clearly missing out on a section of the market here.

5. The Textile Enthusiasts

The top one is one of fourteen references I have received about panties, often accompanied by the word ‘dirty.’ However, the second one was a little more obscure – I’d love to find the person who wrote that and discover what happened afterwards…

6. The Food Lovers

I have never tasted my own (or anybody else’s) feet, but after inspecting my gnarly toes I can’t imagine that it would be a pleasant experience for anybody.

7. The Disney Enthusiasts.

Does anyone know what rule 34 is? I only found out today. Nice. How the heck does that lead to my blog???

8. The Wishful Thinkers

I would suggest that the collective response to both of these is Viagra… Lots of Viagra.

9. The Angry People

Steps on how to piss somebody off? That’s a whole blog in itself!

10. The Revenge Seeker

This is one of many search terms from men that appear to want revenge on their ex-wives. It’s quite disturbing.

11. The Big Thinkers

I would love to find out how to spend the day doing nothing at work – I’m exhausted by the time I get home! And did Ray J and Justin Beaver have sex? More to the point – Justin Beaver or Justin Bieber? Is this his porn star equivalent?

12. The Randoms

Erm… Right.

13. The Biographer

Emily Dickinson may have indeed been an emo. What it has to do with anything I’ve written on my blog though, I haven’t a clue.

14. The Beautician

Clearly another area where the manufacturers of beauty products are missing out.

What about you guys? What weird and wonderful search terms have led somebody to your blog?

You can also find me on Twitter and Tumblr @suzie81blog, and don’t forget to check out my Facebook page http://www.facebook.com/suzie81speaks.

Overheard Conversations

Posted on November 7, 2014 by suzie81speaks

think.bigchief.it

Warning: adult (and stupid) content.

“Are you still with ____?’

A young man was smoking a cigarette with a group of his friends in the beer garden this evening. He was shivering in just his T Shirt and jeans in the cold wind, and he turned round to see a girl standing behind him. He seemed angry.

“What? Me?”

The girl took a step towards him and pointed at him.

“Yeah, are you still with ___?”

He obviously wasn’t in the mood for an argument, so he turned his back on her and ignored her.

Bad decision. She moved around so that she was facing him.

“I’ve lost all respect for you mate. You’re with ____ and now you’re messing about with that silly sl*g? You haven’t even seen her for months! Who do you think you are?”

My friend and I had stopped talking by this point, distracted by what was happening behind us. The woman stormed off. The man shrugged it off and laughed. They all went back inside and my friend and I continued our conversation. A few minutes later, the same man and an obviously drunk woman came outside. She had her arms tightly around his neck and I got the impression that he was a little uncomfortable and was trying to push her off.

“I love you. You’re beautiful. You’re a beautiful man. We’re meant to be together. I love you, I love you, I love you. I’m sorry I kicked you out. We’re meant to be together you and me. I’ve not seen you for four months. I’ve never loved anyone like you. You know what we’re going to do tonight? We’re going to go home and sh*g. I’m going to sh*g you like there’s no tomorrow. And then we can be together for the rest of our lives. Me and you. I’m sorry I kicked you out…”

She then started singing the chorus of Sam Smith’s ‘Stay With Me’ repeatedly. He went back inside and her friend came out to check that she was ok. The drunk girl carried on ranting.

“I can’t believe I’ve seen him again after all this time. I love him so much. I’ve been thinking about him all this time and now he’s here.” She then proceeded to share what she intended to do to him that evening. I’m quite an open person, but her graphic description even turned my stomach a little. She knocked her pint over, spilling beer everywhere and smashing the glass on the floor. They went back inside.

A few minutes later, the man and his friends returned.

“Are you going home with her tonight mate?”

The man laughed and took a drag from his cigarette.

“Well, I’m drunk and she’s up for it, so I might as well.” His friends laughed.

“Besides, she’s got nice t*ts.”

It may have been 4.30pm, but the dramatics can be found at any time of day or night at my local. Ah, love’s young dream. Unfortunately, I get the impression that it may not end quite how the girl (or the man’s girlfriend) is expecting. However, it’s still a better love story that Twilight.

Have you ever heard a conversation from different perspectives that made you smile?

You can also find me on Twitter and Tumblr @suzie81blog.

#SundayBlogShare

Posted on November 1, 2014 by suzie81speaks

It’s Sunday tomorrow, and that means only one thing: my #SundayBlogShare Twitter party!

I participate in several parties throughout the week – #MondayBlogs, #WWWBlogs and #ArchiveDay, and decided to start my own each Sunday to give the blogging community another chance to share their posts and meet other people.

It has turned out to be a much bigger success than even I expected – with the first two weeks hundreds of people have participated, sharing over a thousand posts and I’ve received lots of messages from bloggers who saw a increase in traffic and followers. A huge part of this was due to the promotion given by the wonderfully supportive WordPress community that I am part of particularly Gene’O @sourcererblog and Austin @Austin_Hodgens, to name a few.

The instructions for #SundayBlogShare are simple:

Tweet a link to a post from your blog.

Include the hashtag #SundayBlogShare.

Enjoy! Retweet posts from other bloggers, comment and follow! You don’t have to follow Suzie81 Speaks or it’s associated social media profiles.

To make it a positive experience, here are some simple rules for everyone to follow.

1. #SundayBlogShare is a happy place. Racist, homophobic and/or sexist comment are not allowed. If you disagree with the content of a post, do so in a polite and respectful manner.

2. No pornography.

3. You are welcome to share more than one post. However, don’t use is as an opportunity to spam by posting everything that you’ve ever written.

4. Only share blog links – while I enjoy inspirational quotes, #SundayBlogShare is not the place to post them.

5. Don’t beg for follows or retweets, but feel free to retweet others!

Looking forward to seeing you all there tomorrow! Feel free to reblog this post and invite all your friends!

You can also find me on Twitter and Tumblr @suzie81blog, and you can also find my Facebook page at http://www.facebook.com/suzie81speaks

Create Your Own What?!?!

Posted on October 31, 2014 by suzie81speaks

Every school holiday I meet up with five teacher friends that I met when we all worked at the same school about six years ago. Only one remains at the original school and the rest of us have moved on to other places, but over the years we have all managed to stay in contact as we have been through house moves, promotions, marriages, births and a number of OFSTED inspections. We go out for meals, cook for each other and on one occasion we watched the entire special extended edition of The Lord of the Rings trilogy back-to-back, with a McDonalds break in the middle. They’re a lovely group of very intelligent women and I thoroughly enjoy my time with them as they regale me with stories of their recent exploits.

Tonight we visited a wonderful restaurant that I had never been to before. The group was a little smaller as were missing two of them – one has moved to Spain (of course, I’m not jealous in the slightest) and one has just had a baby boy, but the food was lovely, the atmosphere and the staff were great and the conversation was hilarious. One of the women had discovered a ‘create your own cocktail’ item on the menu, and when dessert arrived she was presented with a selection of little bottles of various liquids that she could use to create a drink that was tailored to her liking, and I was a little jealous that I hadn’t ordered one too.

The bill arrived, and suddenly everyone shrieked with laughter, to the point where people sitting at other tables turned around to find out where the commotion was coming from. This is what they were laughing at:

At just £2.00, my friend said that it was worth every penny…

You can also find me on Twitter and Tumblr @suzie81blog

The Wonderful (and Sometimes Weird) World of Social Media Communication

Posted on October 27, 2014 by suzie81speaks

Warning: bad language is used in this post.

Since the beginning of Suzie81 Speaks I have received almost 14,000 comments on this little blog and it’s associated social media links. I love them and encourage readers to share their thoughts at the end of most of my posts. When they do I read every single one, even if I don’t have time to reply to them at that point. These comments have formed the basis for not only the development of my blog, my levels of traffic and my introduction to lots of different bloggers in the WordPress world, but they have created friendships with people that I otherwise wouldn’t have met, and these friendships are proving to be ones that I value very much. With the exception of a handful of people, I’ve been lucky to have found support in most.

I took some time today to revisit all areas of my social media accounts in search of comments that I have received over the last eighteen months.

I get quite a range of comments and messages from an awesome group of followers – thankfully most of the comments are friendly (or at the very least, respectful) that make me feel good, make me laugh and that make me feel positive about my writing. They also show me a little bit of their personality and their world in their comments.

The sarcasm in this post has convinced me that sarcasm font does in fact exist.

Too many people seem to equate “enjoying life” with being irresponsible. There’s no reason that has to be the case.

I’m just picturing a barking seal with a rucksack on a train now, lol.

When you’re feeling down and out, and when you’re feeling blue.
Remember that the mighty Oak, was once a just a nut like you.

(In response to the question ‘what would you tell your younger self if you could?’) The pull out method doesn’t work!

If you keep up this positive outlook and embrace each day, your life will be fulfilling and satisfying. On my 50th b-day I wanted to do something different to celebrate the milestone. So, I decided to have 50 new experiences over the year…new paces, things, foods, people, skills…whatever. I got pretty close to that goal at year’s end. The point being, life is an adventure full of possibilities. Enjoy the journey!

(In response to an article about beauty) Frankly, I think we, as a society, need to start minding our own business. It is absolutely NOT okay for someone to come up to me and tell me I need to exercise or for someone to tell your skinny friend to eat a cheeseburger. Anyone making inane statements like that without knowing a person’s struggles is ignorant. Let’s judge each other on character and not appearance, mkay, people?

(In response to a post about apologising too much) Yeah, this is me to a tee. I apologise a lot in general. It’s just a reflex action. “Hi, how are you?” “I’m sorry.” “O… kay.” It is a bad habit, I know. On the plus side, I’m invariably lying.

If you were stuck on a CD, what desert island would you take with you?

(In response to a post about a job I had in the fast food industry) If you put plastic striped straws into the french fry grease, they twist into amazing shapes. We decorated a whole Christmas tree with them. Every last other thing you said is true. But it isn’t everything… (There may have been spit-rounds where the whole staff could participate if an unpopular customer came in. Or someone who was dating your ex. Or it was a slow night…) I lasted until the manager told us we’d have to sing the restaurant jingle whenever he rang a bell. For some reason, that was the last straw. (See how I did that? Came full-circle back around to straws? Can this woman write or what?) Good times.

It took me years to realize that I did not have to live up to other’s expectations or give them everything they want. Understanding this at a young age can prevent a lot of heartache and disappointment.

I don’t think people understand the true damage a few “simple” words can say. That old saying “Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me”, is a load of rubbish. Words do hurt. No matter how much we deny it, one wrong comment can ruin your whole day no matter how much of a happy, positive person you are. WORDS HURT!

I love these people. They’re kind-hearted, supportive and they make my day.

I get quite a few spam comments, and comments that seem to make no sense:

Love you for writing this post Suzie. All true. Its sounds so skeptical at first but seriously the bullets can murder the people who actually do all this self absorbed stuff. I am definitely inspired and I shall use my Facebook and Instagram accordingly now.

income coming from my blog yet. far from it – but i am on the way, and i’ve been taking enough time to study and pay attention to those who have become successful bloggers in a very real sense to have some insights which i want to pass

I’m not Mexican. Erm… Thanks for clarifying that – although I hadn’t actually asked or made any presumptions about your nationality.

Harassment everywhere.

(Inbox message on Twitter) Bagels? Lots of Bagels?

(Inbox message on Twitter) A foot by any other name would taste as sweet. What?!! Eww – my feet would make even the biggest foot fetishist run screaming in terror.

Unfortunately, I have also received a few from people that had clearly misunderstood (or don’t see the point in) what I had written and have sometimes become enraged by it:

(In response to a post about being a professional writer and a hobbyist) Too bad that so many people seek to define others by their current jobs. That was the point of the article – to discuss it!

(In response to a post I created about the metaphorical lies that exist within the teaching profession) Wow. I’m not certain why you would tell them any of these lies. You probably aren’t a bad person, but, only knowing that you tell such lies doesn’t leave the best impression. I don’t actually tell anyone these lies!

(In response to a post I wrote whilst travelling on a train) Why are you writing about trains? Because I was sitting in one!

(In response to a photograph I posted for the Weekly Photo Challenge that was about snow) Why are you showing me snow? I don’t want to see snow. It’s hot I want to see the sun. That’s what the subject of the prompt was about!

I sometimes imagine that if I were talking to these people in real life I would have this expression:

And even though it’s rare, I’ve have received a few where the commenter is rude and sometimes just downright nasty.

(In response to an article about why Justin Bieber is a poor role model) Adults should have compassion and more to do with lives than jump on the bully bandwagon.

(Again, Justin Bieber) Lol, you’re such a stupid bitch…

(And again, Justin Bieber) You’re so full of shit. He is my king.

(Professional or hobbyist again) Bit of a snob aren’t we?

And the most epic, angry comment of all?

(In response to a list I created about things I feel I am allowed to do) Hitler would have benefited greatly from this list, given all the grief he’s probably gotten. Just kidding, sorry you wrote this list, it is terrible. It’s literally not even relevant… It’s some thoughtless, aimless nonsense about your dumb feelings you wrote on a blog…

Hitler would have benefited? Really?

When reading things like this I am always torn between sending an equally nasty response, which would undoubtedly lead to an escalation of the situation, or just ignoring it and moving on. I usually end up doing the latter, which sometimes secretly leaves me with a sense of frustration as I feel that they have been able to get away with being rude to me without reason or provocation. I adopt an inner fake smile and pretend that my feelings aren’t hurt when really I’m resisting the urge to hunt them down.

It’s always important to remember that some people are just arseholes. I have been trying to adopt my inner Jack Nicholson both in the real and online world recently, and so far it’s serving me well.

However, when I was going through previous posts to find comments to include, I realised just how many of them I hadn’t replied to. It hasn’t been intentional and I’ll endeavour to change this – I think that it is important to reply to as many people as possible and thank them for taking the time to visit, even if it is a few weeks after their initial message.

What about you guys? Have you received comments that have made you laugh, cry or scratch your head in confusion?

You can also find me on Twitter and Tumblr @suzie81blog.

Twitter Party: #SundayBlogShare

Posted on October 19, 2014 by suzie81speaks

It took me a long time to add social media accounts to my blog and it has always been one of my biggest blogging regrets that I didn’t start sooner, as they are now responsible for about 75% of my overall traffic. Twitter, in particular, is a great way to share my posts and ideas immediately, and there is the possibility that posts could reach thousands if promoted by enough people.

I’ve decided to do a Twitter party in which all bloggers can share their posts and meet new people. It is going to be going on all day so feel free to join in at any time. Here is what you do:

1. Choose one of your favourite recent blog posts.

2. Share the link.

3. Use the hashtag #SundayBlogShare

Enjoy!

You can also find me on Twitter and Tumblr @suzie81blog.

Bugger Off! 10 Things I Love About My Country #6: Language

Posted on August 29, 2014 by suzie81speaks

We’re over half way through with the ‘United We Stand’ posts and Steve (a scot), Jenny (an American) and I (an English woman) have been compiling lists about the things we love about our countries.

This week’s focus is language. I toyed with the idea of focusing on the different aspects of the history of the english language, but have somehow gravitated towards slang and swear words. Warning: there may be uses of words that you may deem to be inappropriate within this list – if you are easily offended, read the post with your hands over your face whilst peeking out between your fingers.

1. Bugger. This is a word that I use on a regular basis to in any number of situations:

Bugger off – go away.
We’re buggered – all is lost.
It’s buggered – it is broken.
I’m buggered – I’m tired.
Lucky bugger – a lucky person.
Bugger it – forget it.

2. Bung. This is usually placed in the context of putting something into a specific place (“just bung it in the bin), or to throw (“bung it over here will you”). Bung can also be replaced with the word ‘chuck’ in both of these situations.

3. Gagging. This means ‘desperate for’ and can be used in any number of phrases to emphasise the need for something – “I’m gagging for a drink/cigarette/the toilet.”

4. Fanny. To put it simply, this means vagina in England, so when the word is used in American television programmes to describe somebody’s ass I can’t help but have a sneaky giggle to myself. It can also be used to describe someone who is an idiot or who has done something stupid.

5. Piss poor. This has nothing to do with urine, it emphasises the fact that somebody isn’t just short of money, they have absolutely nothing. Like ‘bugger,’ the word ‘piss’ can also be used in lots of contexts:

I’m pissed – I’m drunk
Piss off – go away
I haven’t got a pot to piss in – I don’t have any money
Pissing about – messing around/doing nothing/being silly.
Piss up – a large drinking session with friends.
I’m going for a piss – I am going to urinate.

6. Right. This is often used by people from northern England and means ‘very.’ Example phrases are “I’m right knackered,” and “I’m right pissed off” meaning “I am very tired,” and “I’m very annoyed.”

7. Wanker. This is a word that is often brought up by foreign celebrities when questioned about the differences in language during interviews when they visit our country. It simply means that you are describing somebody as an idiot. Here are other words that can be used in the same context:

Tosser.
Tw*t. (I detest this word, which is why I have bleeped it out a little.)
Scumbag.
Arsehole.

8. Rubbish. This can be used to describe something that is put into a bin, or to describe something that isn’t very good.

9. Wangle. This can also be used in lots of contexts, but essentially it is managing to obtain something: “I managed to wangle an invitation/discount/extra day out of them.”

10. Sod’s law. If something can go wrong, it will inevitably go wrong.

11. Chav. This is used to describe teenagers and young adults who generally wear tracksuits, caps with the Burberry pattern on them, sovereign rings, claim benefits and hang around on street corners and parks, smoking cigarettes and weed and drinking cheap alcohol.

12. Slapper. This is often used to describe girls who are considered to be promiscuous.

13. Gobby. This is of no relation to a Harry Potter house elf, it is used to describe a loud, obnoxious person.

14. Arse over tit. This means to fall over. I use this often.

Warning: most of these words are considered to be moderately offensive, and shouldn’t be used in conversation with anyone who you deem to be in a position of authority. Saying “bugger off you wanker” to your boss, the police or your parents is not likely to get you any brownie points.

You can also find me on Twitter and Tumblr @suzie81blog.

29 Things That Television Has Taught Me.

Posted on August 28, 2014 by suzie81speaks

1. Walking down the street in Carrie Bradshaw’s outfits will make people think I am a style icon and try and emulate my fashion sense.

2. Teenagers in America, particularly in Stars Hollow and Capeside, posses a mastery of complex vocabulary. I work with hundreds of teenagers every day and if I can get a ‘nah, man!’ out of them I’m doing well.

3. New York City is an affordable place to live and all apartments there are beautifully decorated and spacious.

4. It is possible to be in the vicinity of the murder of hundreds of people in Cabot Cove, New York and Ireland, and not once be considered a suspect. Jessica Fletcher is a master criminal.

5. The louder the TV chef, the more unhealthy the food.

6. The bumbling idiot will always have a beautiful wife.

7. Your best friend will forgive you for kissing his girlfriend after you have sat in a box and thought about what you did.

8. There are seven basic erogenous zones.

9. James Woods likes candy.

10. It is possible to live solely on junk food and coffee and maintain a supermodel figure without doing any exercise.

11. A wanted criminal can be found anywhere in the world with just a partial fingerprint, a reflection in a window and a few random clicks. Ultimately, they are going to be linked to a terrorist group.

12. Groups of friends from High School will go to the same college, and will be accompanied by one of their teachers and reception staff.

13. I am a bad person. I should be donating to the RSPCA, NSPCC, Red Cross, UNICEF, the WSPA and the Humane Donkey Society. I should also be sponsoring a snow leopard, a tiger and several children across the world.

14. A criminal with a machine gun can miss their target a million times. However, a policeman with a Glock will get a perfect shot every time, and never run out of ammunition.

15. Parents will never notice if a boy puts a ladder up to their teenage daughters window at night.

16. Doctors are hot. Super hot. With perfect hair.

17. He is NOT the father.

18. All locks can easily be picked with hair grips.

19. Spies can travel across the world in less than five minutes without any form of jet lag.

20. Heartbroken women who have just ended their relationship will always go back to the place where she and her ex first met.

21. Emotional breakdowns will cause somebody to walk about in the rain, without an umbrella.

22. The same group of friends will be able to sit on the same couch at the same table every time they visit.

23. Despite the fact that all the evidence a law enforcement officer or amateur sleuth has against a suspect is purely circumstantial, the suspect will admit their crime in the end and give full explanations as to why they did it.

24. When in jail, it is a good idea not to insult the chef’s food.

25. The underdog usually gets the girl in the end.

26. Childbirth is quick and newborns emerge looking about five months old and fast asleep.

27. When given the choice of a career opportunity of a lifetime and a relationship that has failed repeatedly, the relationship will always win.

28. Large couches should never be placed against the wall.

29. It is possible for beautiful women to go to sleep, get up, go to work for a full day and then out to a party at night without once having to do their hair and make up – this automatically remains perfect at all times.

What about you guys? What things have you learned from the television?

You can also find me on Twitter and Tumblr @suzie81blog and don’t forget to find me on Facebook http://www.facebook.com/suzie81speaks and Pinterest http://www.pinterest.com/suzie81speaks